To want to gag my 4 year old...

[bupcakesandcunting]

To stop him saying shit like this to workemen in my house;

"James next door takes his top off in the garden. He's got boobies like a girl. My mummy has got boobies but hers are big and fat and long."

im actually crying with laughter :!! my nephew used to say to my sis that she had poo on her jina about her lady garden haha my DD hasnt done anyhting too bad at least not that i can think of at this time what with the crying and hysterical laughing / snorting thing im doing haha

Nope OP you are not BU. In fact can I have a gag for my DD too?

At a music festival this weekend - huge queue outside echoing portaloo ... DD and I inside, where I discover that my period has started a week early (FFS)!

DD in loudest voice: Mummy have you POOED your pants?

Me: Shhhh no dear

DD: But MUMMY what's THAT in your knickers??

Then the walk of shame out past the queue ....

I didn't want to have to explain periods to a 3 year old but there you go (found a quiet place to do it though).

I am snort-laughing at "Another time, and I dont know where this came from, he shouted out in a public toilet, "Hey mam how are your balls??"" (BRILLIANT) and "She also points to my stomach and calls it a "food baby""

The silver lining of my dd being unable to speak at 4.7..however she makes up for it by shouting and waving everywhere she goes ..at top of her voice

Oh yeah, and THIS gem in a busy Morrisson's bogs on a saturday morning...

"Mummy where's your willy?"

"Girls don't have willies, darling. Just boys and men"

"Well where do you wee wee from?"

"Errrrr..."

"You wee out of your bottom. Like a cow."

I heard someone sniggering in the next cubicle...

DS then aged 3 and a bit. We were at friends of the inlaws for a Christmas meal.
Lots of people.

DS announces over the pudding, at the top of his voice, "Daddy has a MASSIVE willy"

groovy bet your OH was grinning like a cheshire after that!!

He was quite pleased once he was over the initial mortifacation!

DS2 and I sitting in the vets with the puppy a few weeks ago.

DS2: Mummy can I have a huggle
ME: Yes
DS2: Mummy I love huggles with you
(then to random woman beside us)
DS2: Mummy and I have naked huggles mummy loves naked boys, do you like naked boys too

Do we share a child Groovy? DD told the entire elementary assembly that her daddy has a really big furry willy.
He was the principal of the school at the time.

bupcakes as long as you didn't fart in front of the workmen this time!

My dd is only 1 so can't talk yet, but when I had a whopper of a spot on my chin a few weeks ago she spent the whole day pointing at it and shouting "UH-OH" at the top of her voice. Cheers dd.

Kreecher that is hilarious. Did he resign?

littlefriend. No, I think he secretly basked in the glory. Once he'd got over his embarrasment that is.
We were both at the assembly expecting some pearls of wit and wisdom to fall from her lips.

Not this time, littlefriend. Have learned my lesson there, I can tell you!

Kreecher that is fab

My DS has always had a fascination with clocks. He used to point them out loudly wherever we went. It's just unfortunate that he managed to miss out the "l" every time so was just shouting "Cock!" at the top of his voice all the time.

Nothing for it but to get your best bra on and front it out :o

My friends 4year old took to calling her builders bitches. Older brother had been playing Grand Theft Auto

lol i'd say!! when DD was around 2 and 3/4 to around 3 and 3/4 she had a thing for my boobs and would jump me anywhere we were shouting boobies give me those big boobies where you hiding them muuuuuummy im gonna get your booooooobies!!! horrifying lol luckily it was usually in either our or relatives houses but then they'd encourage her!! get mums boobs oh there they are go on get her mummy loves tickles i used to scream lol its my own fault for BFing im sure

This man knows all about getting your own back embarrassing dad

That dad is fucking brilliant!

Oh, bloody hell, I share an office at work with two other people and am trying not to snort too loudly and failing!

My DS (3.5) spends his whole time mortifying me even when there are no people around. last night - Mummy, why are there all those lines on your head? (er, wrinkles?)

"Mummy, Look at the monkey with the big dick!" -DS2 really really loudly at our local museum. He has trouble pronouncing S. It was a monkey holding a big STICK

I remember a friends child, who was about 5, having this conversation with her grandmother, who was a teacher:
Child -"do all the children laugh at you at school?"
Grandmother -"no.... why?"
Child -"because of all your wrinkles"

Nipped into a shop to buy some summery shoes with my dd the other day. She, of course, was immediately entranced by the bright pink glittery jelly shoes and wanted to buy them. I was a bit flustered as we were running late and when she asked why she couldnt have them I told her that they were horrible. Cue dd a few minutes later in a really loud voice - Look Mummy, that girl's trying on those horrible shoes!!". Cue red face and a hasty exit.

I've had actual tears reading some of these.

Hairy twinkle, furry willy, booby covers...

DS is 2.6, not caused me any embarrassment as yet, but he is just starting to find farting amusing so need to be careful there. I'd hate him to announce to anyone else that Mummy trumped.