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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lies we tell our children . . .

55 replies

Chipsycheese · 06/06/2011 22:21

We sometimes tell our children big white lies to scare encourage them into behaving well.
For example in half term I pointed to a nursery and told them thats a prison for naughty children, who were too loud during the school holidays. The small children with their faces pressed up against the window only made my story more convincing.
I told them a monster (who lives in the woods near the campsite where we go on holiday) only eats children who eat too many sweets.
I told them our (non existent) friend Burt died when his head sadly fell off as he did not eat vegetables.
Burt suffered a extreme range of injuries and accidents and now I think about it his death has varied a lot, his head exploded from too much xbox, his eyes dried up and rolled out from too much tv - depending on what the children are doing.

Does anyone else do this? AIBU?
If so, what stories do you tell them?
I would just like to add my children are happy and normal and have friends etc! They do not really seem scared of anything!

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 06/06/2011 22:25

In the depths of yet another sleepless night, I have been known to stand on the landing , having a conversation with the bogey man in which I ask him nicely NOT to steal my children just yet becasue I'm sure that they will go to sleep properly soon.....

Mine are reasonably normal as well so I'm hoping it didn't have ahuge impact on them. Bloody worked though Grin

Thingumy · 06/06/2011 22:26

hmmm

I own a child with anxiety so don't really bring death/monsters/or frightening situations into any white lies.

Being honest with ds works as he is able to to weigh up the pros and cons ie 'if you don't brush your teeth,you'll end up with rotten teeth and then will need them pulling out'

We did tell him that when the icecreamvanman played a tune that it meant he had sold out-he cottoned onto that lie by the age of 5.

poorbuthappy · 06/06/2011 22:28

the ice cream one worked on our 2.5 year old twins until their 6 year old sister told them the truth!

Makeminealarge · 06/06/2011 22:33

this worked for me as a kid, my mum used to threaten me with a imaginary Mrs. Brown who took naughty children into her childrens home for punishment. Even my nan was in on the act, they used to pick up the phone, 'call' her and explain that i was naughty. I was so terrified i used to cry to my parents to tell mrs. brown ill be good. still laugh about it to this day with my mum about it!

pigletmania · 06/06/2011 22:34

Where do I start:

  1. The park man is coming to close the park now, so if we don't go we will get locked in (to my dd aged 4 who does not want to go from the park)

  2. The sweet shop is closed now (when it is not)

  3. The Postman Pat van has driven off now (dd wants to go to Morrisons to go on the Postman Pat van)

Most of the time I do tell her the realities like " if you eat too many sweets you will have to go to the dentist"

ReindeerBollocks · 06/06/2011 22:36

Mine mostly consists of telling DS chewing bubblegum will might make him choke and as such the government don't allow the sale of it to children under ten.

maxcliffordslovechild · 06/06/2011 22:39

If you stick your tongue out the seagulls will steal it, told to DD when she went through a faze of pulling tongues at random strangers, backed up by really mean seagulls in our area that will steal anything edible you're holding.

gerardway · 06/06/2011 22:41

I was reminded by my DD (13yrs) when I went to get some fly spray the other day that when she was little I promised her it didn't kill them and it was a lovely perfume they wore to go out. Also, with ant powder. I put it down (in our house/beach hut) as the beginning of a picnic - they would eat at our house and then go next door. I can't believe she knows I'm a liar remembered it Grin

Thingumy · 06/06/2011 22:53

Father christmas and the toothfairy are extinct in our house now,we did well though-ds is 9 this year.

I'm not into frightening children tbh to get results.

I have a teen so we are onto cold hard facts

'you could get pregnant AND get a std'

'you could end up with a mental health disorder if you do drugs'

'you may get attacked if you walk the streets at 1am'

etc etc

gerardway · 06/06/2011 22:57

Thingumy You sound like a bundle of laughs ....Hmm Hope you're just having a bad day.

notimetotidy · 06/06/2011 22:59

'Your xmas stocking presents will disappear if your feet touch the floor too early on xmas morning.' Cue: Mummy, I need the toilet can you carry me in? - Longing looks at the toys and then back to bed for another couple of hours. - This worked for 7 years until he was 9!

RockStockandTwoOpenBottles · 06/06/2011 23:00

Bogey Man - Yup. It worked with the older DC and it will be used as and when necessary with DD3

Park Man - Yup. Used it then and using it now again.

Sweet Shop is only open on Saturday

'No it's soup in an old ice cream tub, not actual ice cream' - used today

Thingumy I'm also onto the cold hard facts with my older DC now. The two DDs now 'get' the vodka = hangover thing. Clearly didn't believe me at first and had to test it.

Thingumy · 06/06/2011 23:02

not a bad day-just fucking realistic gerard Hmm back at you.

GreenEyesandHam · 06/06/2011 23:06

I have no qualms with frightening children to get results

I often have the landing conversations with Wee Willie Winkie Grin

moajab · 06/06/2011 23:06

Bob the Builder/ Mr Bloom have gone to bed (to explain to DS3 why I can't put Cbeebies iplayer on again. (Truth would be Mummy wants to go on Mumsnet :) )
We also once phoned Santa to ask him to collect all the presents as DS1 had been too naughty. This one totally backfired, as DS1 cheerfully helped us load all the presents into a bag for Santa to collect!
The tooth fairy comes at 10.30 so if you're not asleep you wont get your pound - for very bad sleeper DS1, will probably make it earlier for DS2.

DumSpiroSpero · 06/06/2011 23:11

To persuade my DD to give up her dummy a few years ago I told her we'd plant the last one in the garden, so that if in a few weeks she really wanted it back a dummy tree would have grown and have replacements on it!

The only negative one I really use is to pretend to phone Nana and cancel our visit if she's playing up - she idolises my mum, so it tends to make her behave extremely quickly.

Have also been known (when trying to get out of a restaurant quickly), to walk round the corner, come back and say "Sorry, I've asked the waitress and they've run out of puddings - we'll have to have something at home."

That said we still have Santa, Easter Bunny and not just the tooth fairy, but lots of fairies visiting our house on a regular basis - they leave notes, tiny gifts and fairy dust a few times a week, as well as taking away tatty dolls and returning them in new outfits as and when required!

Until recently DD also believed that she and I (and Nana) are descended from a long line of female wizards and she will inherit magic powers when she's older.

If you can't enjoy a bit of make believe when you're a child when can you?! Grin

Joolyjoolyjoo · 06/06/2011 23:12

I am a terrible liar to my children Blush. Lies I have told include:

Monsters are completely repelled by the smell of mummy's kisses (thereby allowing requiring me to kiss DS (3) all over before he goes to bed Grin)

I have magic powers, and have met Peter Pan, and been to Neverland

DH's hair all fell out because he didn't eat his vegetables when he was little

DH's golden tooth (aka filling) came about when a pirate chief knocked out one of his teeth- DH tied him up, stole some of his gold to make a new tooth

Once left a note under dd's pillow from the tooth fairy to say she had been mugged by a naughty pixie and that she would come back with the money the next night (but that mum would sub dd in the meantime) (no change!!)

We go up a country park, where they have various statues and wooden carved sculpures. I have made up so many lies about the "true story" behind these items that I sometimes can't even remember what I have said before, and the kids want it word for word Confused A family favourite is a story about a cow sitting on a troll, who then got so angry he turned to stone. Apparently I also told them last time we were there that there was a secret portal to another world, and that I would show them this time- erm... Only excuse I had was that I didn't have time to go gallivanting in other worlds that day (Sunday) as I had to get back to make dinner- pretty lame...

Oh, and I have a qualification in fighting monsters and trolls, and have seen off a good few in my time (that bit is true, of course Wink)

BonzoDooDah · 06/06/2011 23:15

I told DD(3) that those round bales of hay in black plastic you see sitting in fields were cows wrapped up to sleep.

Near Christmas we have an elf who 'flies to the North Pole every night to tell Father Christmas if you've been good'. We have to move it to a new place each morning. Cue Mummy legging it down the stairs, shoving children aside, to get to sitting room first as she forgot to move the bloody thing again

Trying to explain to a 3 year old why strangers are sometimes bad and she must NOT run off (we're at a festival with a few thousand others to get lost amongst) - some adults like to eat children roasted for dinner (aka Gruffalo) so you better not go to far from mummy (sigh)

But mostly we try to tell the truth, when possible, to the endless 'why's ... which have been beating us into submission for at least a year now.

gerardway · 06/06/2011 23:15

Thingumy are you my BIL? My DC's are teenagers and I have had to and continue to educate them about the dangers of being a young person. But.....this thread is about telling white lies to little ones!

Original poster
Chipsycheese · 06/06/2011 23:17

OOOOOhhhhh Burt can now have had many other things happen to him before his ghastly death - thanks everyone!
He could have choked on chewing gum but maybe if the sweet shop is only open on Saturdays he might not have . . .
Thingumy I will definately move onto cold hard facts soon enough. My oldest is 13 and the memories I have of how naughty I was are still clear in my mind. I want him to have fun but be aware of what can happen Smile

OP posts:
colditz · 06/06/2011 23:17

I have told my children that there is a dormouse in the box above every electric sliding door, that is trained to push a button every time it sees people coming towards the door. This is why they must not dance about in front of electric doors - it's cruel to the poor dormouse.

And if you fo outside with no pants on, the birds peck your winky off. This is why mummy doesn't have a winky - the birds pecked it off when I went outside without my pants on.

Mummies actually feel really poorly in the morning, and only drinking a cup of tea in a room on their own will make them feel better.

BonzoDooDah · 06/06/2011 23:18

I LOVE the Dormouse! Fab!

verlainechasedrimbauds · 06/06/2011 23:20

My friend had a large golf umbrella. She told numerous small children that if they sat underneath it, they became invisible. We would only know if they were there if they made a noise...

It worked for minutes at a time - heaven!

Thingumy · 06/06/2011 23:27

I'm a pretty liberal parent to my teen as I know what I got up to at that age Blush

When she decided to go on the pill at 15 -'but you could still get pregnant if you miss a dose or are sick and obviously you are open to stds '

when she decided to tell me she had tried dope -'you can end up with mental health issues due to dope usage'

I know the cider/lambrini friday nights happen but just be aware 'you can get attacked if out of it at 1am and pissed out of your skull'

I hardly think I'm being poe faced,just bloody realistic with facts with teens.

Maybe I should just stick to the ducks pecking off ds's bits because he played with them too much at 5.....

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 06/06/2011 23:30

My son decided he didn't like gravy. I told him it was chicken sauce. He ate it!
If you pull a face, and the wind changes, you will stick like that!
There is a hairy bed fairy called Bernard, (hairy legs, beard, tutu) who looks after you when you are asleep and keeps monsters away!
There is a monster in the bin, and if you feed it too many leftovers it will grow and eat you!
Eating your crusts makes your hair curl!