Lies we tell our children . . .

[Chipsycheese]

We sometimes tell our children big white lies to scare encourage them into behaving well.
For example in half term I pointed to a nursery and told them thats a prison for naughty children, who were too loud during the school holidays. The small children with their faces pressed up against the window only made my story more convincing.
I told them a monster (who lives in the woods near the campsite where we go on holiday) only eats children who eat too many sweets.
I told them our (non existent) friend Burt died when his head sadly fell off as he did not eat vegetables.
Burt suffered a extreme range of injuries and accidents and now I think about it his death has varied a lot, his head exploded from too much xbox, his eyes dried up and rolled out from too much tv - depending on what the children are doing.

Does anyone else do this? AIBU?
If so, what stories do you tell them?
I would just like to add my children are happy and normal and have friends etc! They do not really seem scared of anything!

Oh, and your belly button is the screw for your legs. Unscrew it and they all fall off!

Thingumy - noone's critisising you for telling a teen the truth ... but this is a lighthearted thread about small children and lies - so you are missing the point a bit.

sorry,I have a bad day...

If you kiss a boy, your tongue will fall out.

Said to 11yo dd with newly acquired boyfriend.

The tooth fairy often tells lies if she's been on the and forgotten to pick up the tooth . She writes long letters the following night about how busy she's been recently.........

The DCs were given Fanta once on holiday in Italy years ago, and when they asked for it back home I told them it wasn't available in the UK, wasn't sold here, not possible. This worked for a long time, but eventually we were rumbled. "Wow, mum, guess what? They've started selling Fanta in this country!"

Saggy - I love Bernard the hairy bed fairy, am sooo going to try that next time DD has a nightmare!

Another one I've told DD a few times lately is that her pizza has different cheese to the usual sort on it and that's why it's so burnt brown !

I LOVE the doormouse story and the Bernard one. I MUST MUST MUST remember them for when DD3 is a little older as I know that I will be needing themr

We have a toilet goblin called Michelmas McKenzie who starts groaning if you use too much water. (Dodgy pipes)

Also mummies who don't get enough cuddles end up shrinking

And our dog went on a special course with the police and can now sniff out and hunt down monsters. But not ghosts - they are left to the cat

geez, a bit harsh on thingumy for just contributing to the thread! sorry about your bad day thingumy - fwiw I really admire your no-bullshit approach to giving your kids the information they need to stay safe.

it's ok cloudy

I hold my hands up to being rattled and a little bit arsey.

I didn't think that this was a thread for just toddlers 'lies' though.

Sorry Thingumy I highlighted badly - didn't mean to make you feel shitty - was meant to be a friendly nudge. Hope tomorrow is better.

I agree with you (so did other people) Thingumy like I said before I will be totally honest with my oldest child.

You've not made me feel shitty folks

Anyway, shut up and carry on with your little white lies...

I just had a flashback to when I was little (not sure how old) and when I heard the theme tune to a programme that was on about once a week my dad would shout 'RUN, RUN, RUN AWAY! THIS IS THE SCARIEST PROGRAMME EVER, ITS GOT MONSTERS IN AND THEY WILL GET YOU!'
Turns out he just wanted to order chinese takeaway and watch 'Howards Way' in peace with my mum and for me and my little brother to f*(k off to bed.
Not even a scary programme, no monsters - about boats I think?!

Thingumy, I'm with you on this one. Apart from the usual (Father Christmas, Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny) I don't do these really odd lies to my children, and am finding it rather strange to read this thread and see that so many people do.

Obviously, I'm the odd one then .

To my grand children-the little white box with the flashing red light in the corner of the room (alarm sensor) is a Santa Cam.. He's watching you. .

The tooth fairy doesn't work on (which ever day she forgot to pick up the tooth) but you get double cash cos she had to work overtime to catch up..lol

I dont have any yet because my ds is just coming up a year old but I always remeber my aunty telling me people had sticky outy belly buttons because thats where god prodded you to see if you were cooked , if you werent ready the belly button would come up and if you were you would have a inny.

"apart from the usual (father christmas, tooth fairy, Easter bunny) I don't do these really odd lies to my children"...
No, because there is nothing odd about a fat bloke in a furry suit who breaks into your house to leave stuff, some woman who breaks into your house to feed her teeth fetish, and a strange rabbit who breaks into your house to leave you chocolate!!!!!
God forbid and kid EVER meets an actual burglar!

My mum told me that the town of Spalding was so named because a man fell down the church tower and broke one of the bells, hence he 'spoiled the ding'. Say it quickly and you'll see what I mean.

I'd like to think that I didn't fall for it.....................

Am I the only one reading this who is hoping you are all joking?

My children are 3 and 5 and I have never told them a nursery is a "child prison" fgs! Or that there is a monster who will eat them - good god are you for real?

I tell them that if they eat too many sweets they will make themselves feel sick, that they will damage their teeth and may need fillings if they don't brush properly, that I limit their TV watching because I would prefer to play with them than have their imagination dulled by being spoon fed stories and moving pictures. We eat vegetables because we talk about the different vitamins and nutrients that go into making us healthy.

I refuse to believe my 5 year old is any more intelligent than your kids, OP - why are you filling their minds with this crap?

I exaggerate the truth rather than tell outright lies (except for Father Christmas & Tooth Fairy) ie more than the occasional fizzy drinks/sweets will rot your teeth and you'll need fillings, more sweets/ice cream just before bedtime will make you sick, not doing your homework will mean you'll get kept back a year at school, not going to bed on time will make you feel ill the next day. No lies about monsters/prisons.

My nan used to always threaten to call the police when I was a child, if I was naughty. I was absolutely terrified of police officers - don't know what I'd have done if I was in need of one!

I hope this whole thread is a joke.

Please?

My gran used to threaten us with the cats home. We would get our ears pinned back and have to live in with the cats!
my stepdad used to fold his belt in half, then make it go snap. "if you misbehave, you'll have to put your hand in there" we never knew that it wouldn't hurt, we were wide eyed from the noise! (and I have to point out that he would never have laid a finger on either of us either, he was fab!)

We have a benign and friendly character in our house called "Eric the Sofa Monster" who I invented nearly 6 years ago when my son developed a fear of monsters under his bed. Eric chases away any other monsters in his territory (the whole house), and eats stray coins etc that get dropped down the sofa. My son subsequently told his baby sister (now 3) about Eric, who has become part of the family. They recently became rather concerned about whether Eric would agree to move house with us or insist on staying.

I hasten to say that I don't generally make up crap to scare the children; they hear the truth about dental decay etc, but Eric was a myth that evolved so effectively and makes them feel so safe, that I'd hate to see him go.

The only downside was when each child (as toddlers) started to feed Eric scraps of food...