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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking dp should help me with dd at nightimes when she wakes up

68 replies

Foxy800 · 06/06/2011 07:54

Dd hasnt been a great sleeper since we moved three yrs ago. But she was getting better, recently we are back to 5 or 6 times a night. she is made to go back to bed.

It is 99.9 per cent of the time me that gets up to her. I have tried talking to dp abotu it but all I get is I need sleepor she wants you (probably cause it is usually me). I have tried waking him but it is such hard work, it is easier to do it myself.

I have tried going on the sofa but still end up getting up cause he doesnt wake up to her.

I know a lot of people out there have no choice but to deal with it all on their own but I just resent the fact he sleeps through and then has the nerve to tell me he is tired, he is usually in bed by 10 but doesnt go to sleep till about 12. ( I am finding it hard as I dont feel I can be the best for dd as I am so tired).

Just dont know how to get him to understand I need help with the waking up sometimes, even if it was just the nights before I have work the next day. So I had a break for three nights and he had a break for 4 nights.

OP posts:

biscuitmad · 06/06/2011 21:10

Have you spoken to your health visitor? I was told that mine was having night terrors. What do you all watch in the evening? Does she play games or watch any?

My nephew had nightmares because he watched his brother playing 18 cert games on his x box. I noticed when we watch csi it gave lo nightmares the following night.

I would say think about what your are watching and what your child is watching. The nightmares will subside once you change the routine.

As for him not helping, its simple put the light on and wake him up and say its your turn.

Original poster

Foxy800 · 07/06/2011 06:53

Have spoken to hv in the past when this has occurred and are doing everything she has suggested.

Easier said than done with light on and saying your turn. He doesnt wake to light on and to wake him you would really have to shout at him otherwise he doesnt respond then she gets upset!!! I do often try to wake him though but not by getting loud with him.

Another nightmare night last night of 5 times. Going to get rid of radio when she is asleep tonight and try to see if we can make her night light dimmer too.

Would be greatful if anyone could tell me about sleep clinics.

Working today so will reply tonight but thank you in advance.

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SuchProspects · 07/06/2011 07:25

Foxy have you tried the sleep board on mumsnet? You might get more advice and recommendations geared to helping your DD there.

On sleep clinics - have you tried talking to your GP and local government Childrens' Services to see what's available in your area? Otherwise there was this thread on mumsnet last month talking about Millpond who provide private services to parents.

I really feel for you. Sleep deprivation is soul destroying and your DH has been unreasonable and unkind.

SuchProspects · 07/06/2011 08:17

Another approach

Original poster

Foxy800 · 07/06/2011 18:55

THank you for the replies. Didnt realise there was a sleep board. Will copy and paste the op on the board.

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Original poster

Foxy800 · 08/06/2011 07:29

Well we had a small break through last night. We put her radio on when she went to bed, I then went to turn in off 45 minutes later as I forgot and i think woke her up accidently, so she tried to do a wee then we didnt hear anything out of her till 550am this morning.
Fingers crossed we have another good night today, will definately be no radio again as it wasnt on at all from when i went up till this morning.

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AmazingBouncingFerret · 08/06/2011 07:38

Oh well done to your DD OP.

Just a quick thought.. have you tried waking your DH up and saying "your turn" Would he actually refuse? I always find a sharpened elbow in the ribs does wonders!

Original poster

Foxy800 · 08/06/2011 07:43

In case of waking dp if I do wake him he would say yes going then go back to sleep again!!!He is a nightmare.

Fingers crossed for dd tonight.

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Zimm · 08/06/2011 08:49

Foxy - my DP is the same - wakes up and then goes straight back to sleep. I find physical nudging is the only way! Hope you have another good night tonight!

Original poster

Foxy800 · 08/06/2011 16:59

Thank you Zimm, we are going to introduce the sleep fairy to her tonight so same thing as the colour chart but we feel she will respond to this in a better way, as she can physically see it so fingers crossed.

And even nudging dp doesnt work!!!He is a nightmare, he will not feel it or just roll over and grunt!!

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3littlefrogs · 08/06/2011 17:17

"My child won't sleep" by Jo Douglas and Naomi Richman is an excellent little paperback book. It has a useful chapter on helping children with special needs and sleep problems too. You could probably get a second hand copy on Amazon. I found it the single most useful "childcare" book I ever came across. (I was a health visitor and a midwife myself......but I still had a child that wouldn't sleep)

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 08/06/2011 17:51

You could try being no fun when she wakes up and interacting as little as possible. Maybe even explain that being woken up makes you feel sad and tired.

I agree that the radio is not a good idea. Maybe tell her to go to the loo and go back to bed rather than actually bringing her? And definitely stop the singing. :)

I'd be interested to hear how your DP feels about the situation in general. I mean, if he's not getting up because he thinks neither of you should have to, then he is NBU. If he simply thinks it's your job, then he's BVU.

Original poster

Foxy800 · 08/06/2011 19:14

Unfortunately DaisyLovesMetronidazole I think he sees it as my job!!! He is younger than me but very old fashioned in that sense.

Well the sleep fairy is introduced, pot covered, item left for last night ( as sleep fairy knew she only got up once). And she has been put to bed wil no radio so fingers crossed for tonight. She had a lot of questions about the sleep fairy though, lol.

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Original poster

Foxy800 · 08/06/2011 19:15

Ps 3littlefrogs will take a look at the books.

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Andrewofgg · 08/06/2011 19:43

YANBU, and male speaking. I am no angel but I did better than this (and I was working and DW was not) and so should your DH.

Original poster

Foxy800 · 08/06/2011 19:45

Thank you Andrewofgg.

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Original poster

Foxy800 · 09/06/2011 07:30

Well, second night and we got up once for a wee at about 12ish, I had to go with then that was it till 515am when she came into our bed, with our permission. So the sleep fairy left her her treat which she loved checking for. And no radio all night.

So we have explained that the sleep fairy has left a message saying well done and tonight she would like dd to stay in bed till the eyes on her clock open. So we will see tonight. But so far so good.

than kyou to everyone for advice. Will still take a look at books recommended in case till isnt a long term solution.

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Original poster

Foxy800 · 01/07/2011 15:53

Just thought I would pop in for an update and see if anyone had any more advice. All was going reasonably well but has been getting progressively worse this past week. The other night she got up 20 times in one hour!!! She doesnt need anything as the first time she gets up she goes to the toilet. She is always taken straight back to bed but doesnt seems to be working!!!

Out of desperation as am so exhausted, have booked an appointment on monday at the gps but not sure what they can do really.

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