in thinking dp should help me with dd at nightimes when she wakes up

[Foxy800]

Dd hasnt been a great sleeper since we moved three yrs ago. But she was getting better, recently we are back to 5 or 6 times a night. she is made to go back to bed.

It is 99.9 per cent of the time me that gets up to her. I have tried talking to dp abotu it but all I get is I need sleepor she wants you (probably cause it is usually me). I have tried waking him but it is such hard work, it is easier to do it myself.

I have tried going on the sofa but still end up getting up cause he doesnt wake up to her.

I know a lot of people out there have no choice but to deal with it all on their own but I just resent the fact he sleeps through and then has the nerve to tell me he is tired, he is usually in bed by 10 but doesnt go to sleep till about 12. ( I am finding it hard as I dont feel I can be the best for dd as I am so tired).

Just dont know how to get him to understand I need help with the waking up sometimes, even if it was just the nights before I have work the next day. So I had a break for three nights and he had a break for 4 nights.

Ps I agree if he is sleeping he has to accept the way I am going to do things, LOL

At 5 there needed to be a bloody good reason for ds waking us up!!

I'd be tempted to knock the softly softly approach on the head and tell her "You need to stay in your bed tonight, it's making us all too tired. If you keep waking us up for no good reason then you won't be able to go swimming/shopping/park/ whatever at the weekend as I will be too tired to take you!'

Admittedly I am pretty hard core though

Is the night light too bright and do you think the radio disturbs her?

Thanks for the suggestions. Already doing the above, light is very dim and she is the one who insists on the radio!!! It is on lowest level though.

Well I'd suspect that the radio may be a problem, and tell DD that if she keeps getting up then she can no longer have it on when she goes to bed. Might focus her mind a bit - of course I don't know her level of SN, so that might be inappropriate, only you know that.

If you suspect she's too hot (which is possible, my two always start waking at night in Spring and Autumn when they get too hot or cold, which is what prompts me that it's time to switch duvets) then try getting a really lightweight summer duvet (IKEA do some good ones).

I would also recommend Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber - he's quite hardcore about controlled crying, but if you ignore that there's a lot of very good basic thinking to help guide you.

He sorted us out - if you google there is lots on his methods. I was just on the brink of being referred to a sleep clinic for ds but marvelous Mr Ferber sorted us me out and I became hard core and never looked back!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferber_method

Here's a bit about his methods :)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferber_method

sorry!

That link however, is just about CC - what I think the OP could learn from Ferber is his concentration on environmental triggers to nighttime waking, and general management of the environment to make self-settling more likely.

Yes realised after I had posted that it was a very short entry!

I got everything I needed from googling, I will see if I have saved anything and post links if I have.

I feel your pain
My DS didnt sleep through the night until he was 5 (killer when you have work next day) he was up and down 5/6 times a night.
Hes now 9 and still doesnt sleep right through!
The difference with me though is I cant tell him off as his sleep is exactly like mine- Im still up 3/4 times a night.
Hes no trouble when he gets up- its usually for the loo, he doesnt need to be told to get back to bed, the only communication we usually have is a "shurrup" when hes singing to himself!!

And my DH is useless too- sleeps through it all!

this might sound awful but my parents put a lock on the outside of my door when I was this age as I kept wandering into my sisters' room in the early hours and waking them up. As I recall it was a stable type door (i expect DF sawed it in half himself) and the hook was on the outside but out of my reach so I could shout and be heard but couldn't escape..... probably not a very MN thing to do but worked a treat back in 1982!
Sorry about your DP though, how annoying he doesn't wake up

Thank you for the suggestions, will have a look at the link later, got a staff meeting to go to first!!!

Have started already by talking to her after school and getting her to make a sleep chart, and explaining how it will work. Will see how this goes before taking radio away as any change is really difficult for her, if necessary will do it though.

I kind of think it's fair enough not to wake up to a 5 year old 5 or 6 times a night - is your DP reluctant to get up because he thinks you shouldn't be indulging her?

If I were you I might try staying somewhere else for a few nights. If she finds daddy won't get up and sing to her in the night, she might stop getting up.

I think 'you can get up twice in the night' is too confusing - who knows how many times they've got up when it's 3am? And saying that getting up a couple of times is saying that getting up is ok, which is a mixed message. I think you need to start straight off with 'You're a big girl now, no getting us up in the night'. Straightforward and easy to understand.

personally i would switch the radio off once she is asleep..i used to sleep with the radio on (when i slept alone) and if a certain song or unusual voice was on there it would wake me up...

Sounds like the radio isn't helping at all. Remember how badly you sleep if you fall asleep in front of the tv or with an ipod on? Dreadful. My DS (now 8) still goes through phases (though not constantly) of waking up and wanting to come in with us. I don't really mind that but got really cheesed off with having to get up in the night. Have cultivated a very deaf ear so DH deals with all but illness. Throwing up and administering of calpol still my department. Anything else...call Daddy.

OK stringcheese, have dug book out and he suggests that problems may be due to:

1 going to sleep too early - average 14 month will sleep for about 11 1/2 hours at night and 2 hours worth of daytime naps, unlikely to be the problem unless she's very unusual, or overnapping in the day, or you put her to bed at 6pm.

1. getting a big bottle of milk immediately on waking might mean she's "trained herself" to be hungry (and hence wake up) at that time - answer is to delay feeding gradually.

1. Light in bedroom - try black out blinds

1. Last batch of sleep has become detached from main body of nighttime sleep and become early morning nap - answer may be some form of delayed response / controlled crying, or just responding in "nightime mode" - reassure her as you would if she woke at 3am and try to get her back to sleep (this may well take weeks though, so it's a PITA).

1. She's just a lark and you'll have to live with it - sorry.

My boys have always slept well and I insist on total darkness (black out curtains for summer light) and the door shut so we do not disturb them and they have to actively leave the room. I know this is not much help to you as she is already 5. I am just saying more to those with babies, that I do not think night lights are a good idea at all. Being able to see to get out of bed encourages you to do so IMO.

Thanks Dily for that.
I think it's the milk. She's ravenous (well seems) for it and I just bumble downstairs and get it for her to keep the house relatively quiet and not wake up DD1.

It's just a phase.....

Thaks for all the replies. RitaMorgan dp has always been like this so not sure why it is such a surprise to me really.LOL

Off to have a look at the link now back from staff meeting. Again thank you everyone.

Link won't be that helpful actually OP - but Valium said she'd look for something more relevant later.

Ok thanks. Will see how we go tonight after doing the chart and having a chat!