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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be devastated my DP has admitted he likes 'small, pointly boobs'?

64 replies

lightsandshapes · 04/06/2011 14:16

I have large 34 GG breasts (and getting bigger - 5 months pregnant).

I feel unappreciated and almost feel like having an affair with someone who appreciates my body. I have tried to set up a 'date' night too, but so far he has refused everything I've suggested. Just feel like giving up on this relationship

OP posts:
Weloveguineapigs · 04/06/2011 19:55

When I had just given birth to dd and was caring for her and my ds with SN with next to NO help from ex H, we were watching tv one night and Cheryl Cole was prancing about doing her hairspray advert. Ex H kindly informed me "Now, THATS the kind of girl I like!". Our relationship never really recovered.

Some comments just stick iyswim Sad. OP he sounds like an idiot. Does he say other nasty stuff as well or is this a one off?

cherrysodalover · 04/06/2011 19:57

My husband frequently points out gorgeous women on TV.....let's face it the men that don't say it are thinking it. Of course they prefer the perfect body but most accept that the compromise for being with someone they love is worth making. My OH doles out plenty of compliments however I look so I guess that makes it easier.....but try not to take it personally- we also appreciate a six pack when we see one doesn't mean we don't love our beer bellied husbands though.

Weloveguineapigs · 04/06/2011 20:05

Now, you see I didn't get any compliments from ex, ever. I am not so insecure as to be bothered by him finding glamorous women attractive, but the fact that he said it so pointedly to me to hurt me is what did it for me.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 04/06/2011 22:42

Weloveguineapigs I'm sorry to hear you had a partner who paid you no compliments. That's really dreadful. My DH gives me quite a few which goes some way to making up for all the insults Hmm But at least he was at his most generous when I was expecting the DC's which was nice Smile

chipmonkey · 04/06/2011 23:07

Welove I'm sure Cheryl Cole is besotted with your ex. No? Oh, what a shame!Wink

heleninahandcart · 04/06/2011 23:07

YANBU.

I used to work in an almost all male office. After much soul searching, and a few broken relationships one very lovely man finally met the woman of his dreams. Totally in love. He described her to me,
'well her body has kind of dropped because she has 2 kids but I don't care, I don't think most men do. I love her and she's the one for me' I almost slapped him for her . He didn't understand what was wrong Shock

Maybe men just call it differently? YANBU though, just make sure he knows how you feel.

bemybebe · 04/06/2011 23:31

just a question helen, did you almost slap him for his brutal honesty (assuming she was as described) or for another reason? which one?

i am with you on that one btw (same way as though my dh has plenty of physical faults, i would never vocalize them unless i decide to deliberately hurt... but i would not stop telling him and others that he is devilishly handsome, tall and slender and a great husband and a father... Wink)

Cathycat · 04/06/2011 23:45

Maybe ask him if that's because he has a matching small pointy penis?

janelikesjam · 05/06/2011 04:34

Just to OP. I really feel for you on this one. I have large breasts, though I probably would prefer smaller "pointly" ones. But they are very much part of me and my body, my sexuality and my sensitivity. So I can total understand the feeling of being "devastated", rejected even. I don't have a partner, but I know I am sensitive about my body and its attractivenss, as many (but not all) women are. I don't know how you deal with a partner saying that to you, but yeah, I would be pretty upset. There seems some sensible advice here ... but its still upsetting. Perhaps we just have to accept our flaws/weaknesses as part of reality. OTOH we also crave a lover I suppose who admires and loves us as we are ....

MittzyTheMinx · 05/06/2011 10:11

I experienced this with my Ex and feel for you. He was the other way round and preferred large breasts and expressed disappointment several times that losing weight meant I would lose my slightly enlarged breasts.

If we had the kind of relationship where we that kind of banter was par for the course then I could have shrugged it off but it, among the many things that were wrong with our relationship, devastated me.
It never ever dawned on me to look at him in that way, to wish he had different attributes, I used to ache for him to pay attention to them but his general lack of interest in them just reinforced my insecurities

I know love accepts us for our imperfections but I understand your feelings and the hurt that he doesn't really pay your breasts any attention. Sad

Have you managed to get him to agree to some sort of date at all yet?

GreenTeapot · 05/06/2011 10:43

I've spent the last 8 years with a man who loves redheads. I'm a sort of mousy grey brown. He also adores toned stomachs. What's left of my stomach is carrying several extra stones of fat, is crepey, stretch-marked and sagging thanks to bearing his children. I'm not hurt or concerned by the knowledge that I'm not his fantasy woman. He knows I like sinewy men with toned forearms. He doesn't quite fit that description Grin.

I really think your DP has just been a bit tactless and combined with your pregnancy sensitivity it's created a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe it would be best to spell out your feelings to him. Maybe he just hasn't realised how he's made you feel. I'm sure you're blooming and gorgeous anyway :)

janelikesjam · 05/06/2011 20:40

"It never ever dawned on me to look at him in that way, to wish he had different attributes"

Mitzythe Minx said that, and I have to agree. If I love or am attracted to someone I kind of accept or want the whole thing. So I don't understand very much where the partner of the OP is coming from. I don't particularly want a gay, cheesecake looking artificial, fantasy man. I only want the man I want, if that makes sense.

chicletteeth · 05/06/2011 20:45

Does he actively not like your boobs, or does he just prefer small pointy ones?

Two things not the same really are they?

Either way, he sounds as if he is being a little insensitive and needs a good talking to. Tell him to stop being a (pointy) cock and think before he opens his gob.

p.s. are you sure he doesn't look at porn? How do you know he never looks at porn?

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 06/06/2011 18:22

I agree - I look at the whole package and said to him 'you're the ideal man otherwise I wouldn't be with you'. Seems that as Helen said, men seem much more able to compartmentalise these things.

Went on a nie long dog walk on the beach yesterday - that was something!

Chicletteeth - I know he doesn't look at porn because I live with him. He doesn't own any and he doesn't go on porn internet sites!

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