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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask WHY people have irrational fears?

75 replies

PaddingtonStare · 03/06/2011 23:33

Brought on by some of the dog threads, this intrigues me. I don't mean logical fears, such as being scared of dogs or of needles because of an unpleasant experience or even because the parent/s of the child or adult concerned have passed fears on, but totally irrational fears.

I've heard it said that fear is a learned experience but surely that can't be the case for, say, the person who is scared of dogs but has never had a bad experience with them and whose carers have never encouraged the fear.

Scared of common house spiders, for instance. WHY?! They can't harm you, but you could easily kill them.

Or is it all down to an irrational childhood dislike, as kids are wont to have, which has been indulged, for example when Johnny declares a fear of dogs or spiders and Mum and Dad make a big effort to "protect" him from the thing he has, in his moment of wild imagination, decided he doesn't like, just as all of a sudden he may not like peas or wearing his blue shoes?

My two fears are needles and water, the former I feel is rational because they bloody hurt and the latter a fear which is kind of logical and which developed after years of going on the Thames until the Marchioness tragedy. The Captain of that boat, who lost his life that night, was a good friend of my own best friend and had been at the helm on several of the many occasions when I was a riverboat party-goer, so it hit home.

I don't think I have any wildly irrational fears and don't understand why people do. Can anyone enlighten me and AIBU to think that there is not always a reason for serious fear of things?

OP posts:
khaleesi · 04/06/2011 00:24

PaddingtonStare i haven't really tried as i have got a condition - when i'm very stressed/nervous for a longer period of time i get heart palpitations. Usually if i see one i will scream for DH or anyone near or close the door. I have been know to also completely hide under things - duvet, blanket and scream until someone takes care of it.

wow i sound like a spoiled brat but it really distresses me! :P

MillyR · 04/06/2011 00:25

I also had the canula phobia. I had it written into my birth plan. Once I was actually started pushing a baby out, I barely noticed them putting a canula in.

CRS · 04/06/2011 00:26

I nearly died due to that canula phobia. Hence sedation. Mental!

CRS · 04/06/2011 00:27
Blush
Valpollicella · 04/06/2011 00:29

I know (in some part of my brain) that a dog won't hurt me....but it doesn't stop my adrenal glands going into over-drive and giving me the fear

And it all stems back to being attacked by a dog when I was younger.

My rational brain knows that they are likely to be a soppy ol' thing...my instinctive brain responds to dogs in the same way as if just after I got mauled...

Nowt I can really do about it!

MillyR · 04/06/2011 00:29

I blame my canula phobia on not knowing what one was, so the first time they put one in, I kept bending my wrist back wondering what the weird feeling was, then was horrified when they pulled out the canula a few days later. I hadn't realised there was this thing in me - I didn't realise there was anything attached to the external bit.

khaleesi · 04/06/2011 00:29

Oh and daddy long legs - nearly as bad as spiders. i will literally hide underneath something and scream..

MillyR · 04/06/2011 00:29

Sorry, it is very insensitive of me to be describing the subject of your phobia in such detail. I hope you haven't passed out.

Original poster
PaddingtonStare · 04/06/2011 00:32

Sorry CRS. :(

khaleesi, nothing spoiled brattish about it. It's not as if you're doing it on purpose. :) I have a friend (male), a big fella and several times I'd have to go into his bathroom when visiting to remove a spider before he could take a pee! Odd phobia for a gardener!

I can't say I like canulas either, the very idea gives me the screaming ab-dabs but I didn't have much choice when I was ill. I still insisted on emla cream though, despite people laughing at me, saying it was for children/was a placebo.

OP posts:
khaleesi · 04/06/2011 00:33

.. dh just asked me if i'm going to sleep and i said i want to eat some daddy long legs.. i meant to say semolina.. he was quite shocked.. i should really be going to sleep now :)

Original poster
PaddingtonStare · 04/06/2011 00:37

Take more water with it, khaleesi! :o

OP posts:
peeriebear · 04/06/2011 00:38

I am terrified of IV needles to the point of panic attacks. DD2 had to have a GA last week, I had to be there when she had it, even though I looked away I did the whole hot flush, prickly skin, dizzy thing Blush
This is Not A Phobia. When I was at college I needed bloods taking and the campus nurse had never taken any before. Imagine Mr Tumble taking a blood test and you may be somewhere near the mark. Nobody believes me when I explain how bad she was (ie, leaving the needle in my arm while fumbling around on the FLOOR like bloody Stan Laurel for another syringe. Also going in one arm, then the other, then back in the first like a road worker with a drill)
On the other hand I can't imagine being scared of spiders. The toilet at work is full of daddy long legs spiders these beauties and I only realised today. There are at least five of them sitting above my head. They don't bother me in the slightest- I blew on them to make them jiggle. My mum was terribly arachnophobic and used to get me to put spiders out so it's not learmed.

malibustac · 04/06/2011 00:40

Good on you ohmy

I know they say facing fears is the best way to overcome them but has anyone tried anything else? Like hypnosis or cbt?

Maryz · 04/06/2011 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peeriebear · 04/06/2011 00:43

Ohmygod cannulas :( That's what DD2 had to have and I nearly fell over. I was rhythmically rubbing the backs of my hands in a muck sweat as she went to sleep.
I have to have emla cream for simple blood tests, lord help me if I ever need a cannula

ohmyfucksy · 04/06/2011 00:48

t was definitely the way forward for me. I tried a bit of self-hypnosis but I wasn't very good at it. I had some diazepam but it didn't really make any difference

In the end I had broken my tooth so I had to do something

livetolaugh · 04/06/2011 00:49

Weird people talking about daddy long legs. I used to pull legs off them ( not proud, before you start) but now I can't go near them. Delayed guilt?

vintageteacups · 04/06/2011 00:57

I have an irrrational fear of wasps.

Before I got stung, I didn't really have much of a fear and then since being stung twice (and no, it wasn't that bad), my fear has got worse and worse until last year, I hardly went out all summer and avoided days out where there were corwds and lots of litter bins!

I know that sounds bonkers but have you seen how many litter bins they have at Colchester Zoo??? The wasps love them.

I wasn't too bad at swatting them last year as compared to the previous year but I think I need proper help! It's so irrational as I know I won't die or even that it will hurt for long - I just hate being chased by them. I think it's because they do intentionally chase people, unlike bees, of whom I have no phobia.

vintageteacups · 04/06/2011 00:59

valpoll surely that's not an irrational fear though? It can be explained by an event that happened and scared you.

Morloth · 04/06/2011 01:04

I think both fear of dogs and spiders both have a fairly primal nature.

dogs are basically wolves and humans are jumped up monkeys, perfectly rational (especially if you are a small monkey and it is a big wolf).

Many spiders can kill you so it makes sense to treat them all as if they can, I certainly teach my kids that as they will grow up checking their shoes for redbacks.

I loathe birds, I don't fear them exactly, but they do creep me out. This stems from a couple of instances in childhood. It doesn't really effect my day to day life though, as I can ignore most birds.

iscream · 04/06/2011 02:13

I feel scared of rotties and pitbulls, yet have never had a bad dog experience, and I love dogs, so who knows?

BatsInTheSnowglobe · 04/06/2011 02:31

OH has a friend who has a phobia of buttons. Don't understand that one. Apparently he freaks out when buttons are hanging off clothing!
I used to be scared of cars, as i'd been in a few crashes, so i bit the bullet and started driving lessons. Still a bit nervous but nowhere near what i was like. Figured it'd either kill or cure me. Thankfully it's curing me! Grin

piprabbit · 04/06/2011 02:53

I did hear some learned person on the radio talking about phobias. They seemed to be suggesting that the object that was the focus of the phobia induced some sort of one off panic/anxiety attack/feeling of loss of control...but that the panicky feeling was so awful that the person would worry about having a repeat attack. So, they try to avoid the thing that 'triggered' the initial attack. Or maybe they start to avoid any objects/situations that might trigger another attack.

What I'm trying (very badly) to say, is that the phobia isn't really just an irrational fear of, say, buttons. It is a rather more rational fear of experiencing a panic/anxiety attack and losing control in public when faced with a button.

differentnameforthis · 04/06/2011 03:38

Well if we knew why people had them, they wouldn't be irrational, would they!!

iscream · 04/06/2011 03:38

BatsInTheSnowglobe, one of my sons has hated buttons since he was 3. I had a reading one ,and the person told me that my son had choked to death on a button in a previous life. He did NOT KNOW that my son had a button phobia.