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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm not talking to my 3 yr old

82 replies

HystericalMe · 03/06/2011 20:31

AIBU? I can't talk to my nearly 4 yr old. About half an hour ago he threw a toy out of the window. One my parents bought for me when, and where, I was born.

I literally feel so sad and angry if I talk to him I'll start shouting. So I feel like I can't be bothered to do his normal story.

I've left him in his bed.

OP posts:

YummyHoney · 03/06/2011 21:07

If it meant that much to you, why wasn't it locked/hidden away?

Sorry, but I don't understand how you can be angry with your DC., which is why I think this is a wind-up.

I've made loads of parenting mistakes, but I think most parents care more about their DC than an inanimate object - especially when it's the parent's fault!

Georgimama · 03/06/2011 21:08

She withheld her normal affection and bedtime routine from him because she was angry. Of course she was blaming him. And echo what someone said above about having made tons of mistakes, but never the mistake of blaming my child for them.

TheBolter · 03/06/2011 21:16

Sorry to hear you're getting a hard time on here OP, it's easy to say 'you shouldn't have let him play with it' in hindsight, but you can't have your eyes on them all the time.

I was v disappointed in dd once when she broke the only thing my grandma ever left me, because it was a toy, and being a child, well dd was determined to play with it! Despite me saying no several times she managed to get hold of it somehow and broke it!

And for the record I don't think 3 nearly 4 renders a child incapable of understanding 'no'. He's starting school in September and will have to follow rules then, so OP I don't think you were in the wrong to assume your ds could be trusted with your toy.

YummyHoney · 03/06/2011 21:22

I'm afraid DC of such a young age do need careful supervision and one has to ask oneself, who is the immature one here

thegruffalosma · 03/06/2011 21:29

The OP doesn't even say she's blaming her ds. She's devastated about the toy but obviously knows her ds isn't entirely to blame which is why she's removed herself from the situation til she's calmed down rather than rollicking him while she's all emotional. I have a 3 and a half year old and I'd be a bit pissed off if she threw anything out of the window - she's old enough to know not to do that.

thegruffalosma · 03/06/2011 21:33

And I don't see it as removing bedtime affection. It happened to be bedtime and the OP has gone to him now - much better than her putting him to bed in a foul mood imo.

YummyHoney · 03/06/2011 21:40

Well the OP says she is angry so I think she is blaming him.

AngryFeet · 03/06/2011 21:41

Someone picked it up as soon as it fell out of the window? What is it a flat screen tv? Go and look for it. YANBU to be upset but yabu to blame your son. Hope you find it hut keep it away from him from now on.

youarekidding · 03/06/2011 21:47

YANBU to be upset or to be miffed at him.

I think at nearly 4 they do know not to throw things from windows. My DS started school 3 weeks after he turned 4 - can you imagine if he thought that was OK?

Thing is I do agree with others that you may not be blaming him but he will be very hurt your ignoring him (works a treat on my DS but hes 6 now ) - but I always make sure he's happy at bedtime or he doesn't sleep well making the next day even worse.

Well done (unpatronisingly) for removing yourself. It took me longer than 4 years to get that right everytime.

IprivateI · 03/06/2011 21:47

Well I can understand if you're angry, but you have to admit that you let him near the toy, so the blame can't lie with him. My DD has broken countless toys of mine I had when I was a child - I don't care anymore because I had my fun with them when I was younger, what's more important now is DD. Just get over it. Can't believe you haven't kissed him goodnight - I could never do that or stop talking to DD like that.

polarbearkimmie · 03/06/2011 21:55

Reminds me of a story my mum told me, her friend had an argument with her child, screamed she hated them and sent them to bed.....went in the next morning to find said child dead. Which is why my mum always made sure that no matter how bad an argument or wether I was asleep or not shed always say I love you last thing....

Dunno how true the story is but by god I always say I love you to my kids asleep or not last thing

Georgimama · 03/06/2011 22:04

Christ polarbear. Is that really necessary?

YummyHoney · 03/06/2011 22:06

YummyHoney · 03/06/2011 22:07

BTW that was at polarbear.

SunshineisSorry · 03/06/2011 22:09

yeah, have another from me stupid things to say. My mother always had a horror story ready to roll out for every occasion, similar to this one - result - i have an anxiety disorder and am pretty much scared of my own shadow

usualsuspect · 03/06/2011 22:10

ffs

MN is barmy

SunshineisSorry · 03/06/2011 22:10

I do believe the OP said that she did, in the end go and put her little boy to bed, so you can all jump down from your fecking high horses.

shirleyshortcut · 03/06/2011 22:14

MN is barmy

nods in agreement lol

tortilla · 03/06/2011 22:15

YANBU to be angry at him for throwing something out of the window. Divorce the sentimental feelings for your toy from the fact that he threw something out of the window, which is not on. I would be very angry if my 3yo threw something of mine out of the window - it shows a lack of respect for your possessions and could also be potentially dangerous if it was something breakable/heavy. Deal with him how you would if he had thrown any other toy out of the window but just don't treat him worse because of the sentimental value - that is your issue and not one a 3yo can be expected to understand.

nananan · 03/06/2011 22:16

crikey some very harsh comments. I can understand them, but ultimately you're human and you reacted with feelings (you felt upset and hurt that your sentimental toy had been treated that way). However, he is only little and doesn't understand your sentimentally. You did the right thing by removing yourself and not shouting at him, but I hope you did the right thing and gave him a loving cuddle and a bedtime story in the end

YummyHoney · 03/06/2011 22:18

sunshine - here why don't you join me?

Sariah · 03/06/2011 22:20

I would have shouted and given out cause I would be annoyed that hemthrew my toy out the window and I would have probably put him to bed too and then I would have calmed down and gone up and given him a kiss and explained why I got annoyed and say sorry and made friends.

tomhardyismydh · 03/06/2011 22:24

OTT polarbear FFS.

op chill out it will all be fine, ds will be fine you will be fine, you will not be the only person to have walked away from a dcs when angry and momentarily blamed them. You have got some perspective now. do not beat your self up over it. hope ds sleeps well after a nice cuddle story etc, and you find your toy.

for you

wudu · 03/06/2011 22:26

Have I missed the explanation as to why said 3yo was playing with the crown jewels precious toy?

Cain · 03/06/2011 22:29

I'm replying to the op alone here so....

I would be inclinded to talk to him as I don't believe it is a good idea to go to bed with bad feeling.

Explain your upset as clearly as you can, infact almost just as you have explained it to us. Yes 3 is young and understanding might be limited but honesty about feelings is a valuable example to set. imho

Tell him how much this toy means to you and how hurt you feel that he would throw it out the window.

Tell him that you love him and want him to understand that some things are precious to you. Just like he is.

Then let it go.

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