friends fundraising for their teenagers' gap years

[madoldbiddy]

Received party invitation from neighbour and friend on behalf of her teenage son with details of his gap year plans - teaching for a month plus several months of travel. Invitation accompanied by reply slip making it clear a donation would be expected whether or not one went to the party. The amont was left open. The project seemed of dubious value to me even though it cost £3000. I felt that it would have been better to have put a definite price on the party tickets but I suppose they felt they could get a better return this way. Being hard-up I resent being asked to contribute to someone else's holidays and am tempted to just put it in the bin without answering. Has anyone else come across this?

People never cease to amaze me with their grabbiness. Unfuckinging believeable.

Put it in the bin.

Want a gap year? A honeymoon? A deposit for a house? Get another fucking J-O-B and earn the money for it.

good greif thats graspy and cheeky
want to go fannying about abroad, get a job
lose the middle class sense of entitlement
and you know what you can stay uk and do worthy stuff csv dont need to yomp around with other horahs to be worthy or get some experience

Lunabelly I don't want to name the organisation I went with as I know they have expanded since I went with them 11 years ago so I don't know if they have the same philosophy (although I think they do as it is still owned by the same people). Things to look out for when choosing an organisation for me would be:

• Small organisations that are focused on one or a few areas (e.g. a few different countries or different types of activities in one country)
• Are completely open about where there fees go (and some will have to go on paying staff in the UK, they need people to do admin, finance, recruitment etc.)
• If they are teaching projects they fit in with the school calender to benefit the schools, rather than allowing volunteers to pick when it suits them.
• Interview and reference check (including CRB if appropriate) their volunteers
• If they are not a charity, they have a charity attached to their organisation that funds specific projects for their partners overseas
• Have a proper orientation program and in country support from people who are locals or long term expats.
• Are open that the person who will benefit from the project the most is the volunteer
• Reguarly monitor and evaluate their projects, including the views of people in the communities they are working for.
• Have a very clear vision about what they want the organisation to acheive.

Not only that but those people then come back and they are 'down to earth', 'well travelled - i know everything', 'shelfless/givers', some kind of heroes... Yes, i will sponsor your travelling and then i 'm supposed to admire you aswell.

YANBU. If it was from the kid it would be one thing but from the parents its unreasonable.

shelfless is just perfect there.

Oops! I've done it again

I like Riddzy's idea.

Regarding the invite though, how horribly graspy and ill-mannered. I wouldn't go. A donation is something that one gives freely anyway and it's up to the parents to pay for their offspring if they don't want to encourage them to earn the money for themselves. Eugh. Some parents make me shudder.

I wouldn't be happy if my child had been able to get into university this September with fees of £3000 (more or less) and then decided to have a year off and go when the fees are over £9000.

I always think the people who do things for those charities are absolutely fooling themselves. If they care so much about the village having a school then just send the full amount that the trip would cost, plane fare included and then stay at home!

Yanbu at all. Put it straight in the bin and ignore. The teenager should be raising funds himself by getting a part time job, if he can't afford it then he can't go. How cheeky and rude

Blimey. Given the parents are trying to get money so their adult son can have a holiday I shall now ask my mum todo the same. 18 or 40, no difference.
Oh wait, its fucking unreasonable to expect others tompay for your adult childs holiday!

Taking the piss. Totally. The whole idea of going on schemes that require a certain amount of money to be raised is that the young person themself uses their initiative to get the dosh together. My ds1 and 2 of his friends finished their A Levels and worked for a year in Tesco (all the hours they could get plus extra jobs as cleaners) saving everything they earned to get themselves a year in Australia. Friends of theirs who did Operation Raleigh did similar. None of the parents expected to fund these trips because if we did, the whole point of doing them was lost.

I see the word 'entitled' a lot around MN. This illustrates it perfectly.

working to earn the cash to travel is surly, the standard way to fun a year out?

You can even do your work abroad.

and organised year outs seems to b wholly unnecessary - there is no need for someone else to organise your trip for you in most locations.

'surely, the standard way to fund a year out'

and i had a year abroad, funded by working nights at tescos, working in an English school whislt abroad (half the fun) and then doing a bit of self-organised travel.
Reading the Lonely Plant is not, after all, all that difficult.

I will advise my kids to have a year out if they can, seems a good thing for them to put heir 'Child trust fund' towards. £250 plus interest should buy...something!

On the other hand, it does seem that it is more difficult for kids to acquire good holiday jobs - partly due to H& S restrictions on what 16-18s can do, and a general formalising of the workplace. not wholly a bad thing.

It would be put in bin and forgot about. A gap year is for those who can afford not an entitlement. Voluntary work is a very kind thing to do but again if you can't afford it then hard cheese. I would be disgusted if my friend done this.

This really is taking the piss. Tell them to sod off.

My nephew funded his gap year by washing cars. He raised £2k in 12 weeks. He then came home and worked his nuts off for 9 months at 2 jobs and made enough money to fund most of his degree.

What is all this organised gap year crap anyway? I bummed around the world for years working in bars, picking grapes, flogging junk on beaches - it is all part of the fun.
If you want to volunteer then there are plenty of opportunities in this country. If you want to travel then you can do it on a shoestring.
If you have half a brain you can do both without coughing up for a middle man.

The lad is supposed to fund himself, whats stopping him getting a job or two, learning some important life skills along the way as well as some money. He has got to learn to stand up on his own instead of his parents doing all the running around.

I think some University faculties take a jaundiced view of "gap years".
I know of at least one (very highly rated) department that won't even consider applications from students who want to defer entry for a gap year. They can pick the cream of the crop due to the numbers of people who apply and they prefer any gap years to be directly relevant to the course the applicant applies for e.g. working for a year in the field they want to study.
I didn't do a gap year as it wasn't really done in my day - people tended to look at doing VSO or something after completing their studies.

Oh - and your friends are very cheeky to expect others to fund their children - what if you had teenagers of your own who needed funds. The world's gone mad I tell ya!

I'm actually a great believer in Gap years. If teenagers themselves approached me personally, I would make a donation (the amount would depend on circumstances such as how well I knew the child/family, how worthwhile I felt the project was etc). However I'd take a reasonably dim view of parents fund raising on their child's behalf.

Tacky, naff, cheeky - I could go on.

If you or your parents can't afford a gap year - don't go on one.

Simple.

DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY MONEY!!!!

Yes revolution he could do car washing, sponsored events. Why don't youngsters (oh my I sound old and I am only 34) do volunteering here in the uk, there are plenty of opportunities to help.

put it in the bin, you are not obliged to make a donation to someones gap year holiday living style around the world trip - that is for them to work and save for or sell stuff or have car boot sales or car wash - not for you to donate to if you don't want to

Interesting article here re volunteering.

Personally, I didn't travel till I could afford to do it with my own wages so would be very reluctant to fund some teenager to go and get pissed in Thailand.

YANBU