Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

useful stuff to teach your kids

54 replies

weejie · 02/06/2011 23:46

I've been thinking about that post over the weekend where the not yet mum was going on about all the things she would do with her kids, ie they would speak a foreign language, play an instrument, eat their veg etc

well, I've been pondering. Lets face it, we are all on here, pretty engaged, care about our kids, trying to do out best.

Of course they'll be fine at school etc. But will they be dweebs or popular?

lets face it, which is going to seriously improve their quality of life - grade 2 in violin or being cool?

with that in mind, here is my list of things that I will do with my daughter to make her cool and popular in school and in later life

be able to street dance. Imagine busting out those moves at the disco
be able to ride a bike, swim, ride a horse, ski

-be able to do that lovely dive into the pool that looks so elegant

ride a skateboard
have long hair, at least until she is 12
only play an instrument if it is any use in forming a band. Tuba out, guitar in
have a sense of style (not fashion) and know what suits her
know her on mind and have confidence in her own opinion
a good knowledge of decent music. Am working on led zep, wu tang clan and minimal techno at the mo
not to be scared of stuff such as insects, dogs, being high up

what have I missed?

(please, no one add, be able to put your posts on the right place in mumsnet...)

OP posts:

BooyHoo · 03/06/2011 01:41

oh no, i wouldn't deny them labels, music etc just to make a point. within reason they'll have what i can afford. i think i am aware enough of my own situation (financially) to know that my children will never be top of the tree WRT the latest trainers (or whatever it is they value these days ).

i just think, 'setting out' to train your child to be cool is ridiculous and think there are more important things to be teaching them taht will last beyond the school playground.

TheBride · 03/06/2011 01:44

The best place to be at school is below the cool kids, but not in the "bully victim pool".

Being a cool kid is far too much hard work, and as someone said, maintaining your position takes up too much time which could be better employed aiming for Harvard. Also, what is required to be a "cool kid" varies massively from school to school- it's hard to judge, and almost impossible for an adult to assess what kids will find cool, the little freaks

Being a bully victim obviously sucks. No need to elaborate on that.

However, my life in finance has shown that the geeks shall inherit the earth (Hedge funds are not full of the cool kids, believe me)

AgentZigzag · 03/06/2011 01:53

'i just think, 'setting out' to train your child to be cool is ridiculous and think there are more important things to be teaching them taht will last beyond the school playground.'

Definately, definately, definately.

I can't even work out what it is that makes a DC cool anyway, it's not necessarily the stuff they have, from my own experience and what my DD says (and it hasn't changed a jot) they just have to be nasty to everyone and for some reason the other children come flocking to be their friend

BooyHoo · 03/06/2011 02:03

indeed!! glad i don't have to bow to that pressure anymore. makes me feel so sorry for my own knowing tehy have to go through it all.

5DollarShake · 03/06/2011 02:07

I know your OP is tongue in cheek, but it is thought-provoking...

The very best point on your list totally negates all the others - to know her own mind and have confidence in her own opinion. Her opinion on what you, her mother, thinks is cool may differ wildly from her own, and therein lies the flaw of your overall plan.

What if she wants to play in an orchestra instead of a band? You know you won't really stop her. Especially since you will have taught her to have confidence in her own opinion.

Looking back on who I was at school with, it's easily the not-so-popular ones who've had the most success in life. 5 years of popularity in high school vs the rest of your life? No contest.

And one other thing. I had short hair throughout my childhood. Hated it. Had people thinking I was a boy all the time. There is something to be said though, about not having your looks as an easy fall-back in your formative years. You're sort of forced to develop a personality and that stands you in good stead for years and years to come. This is even more powerful if you're, as I'm sure your DD is, attractive anyway - looks and a personality is a killer combination.

tomhardyismydh · 03/06/2011 02:41

op I am dumbfounded I would never wish to sway my dd, if she wants to play chello or even the recorder so be it, who am I to thrust the guitar at her, if she likes justin beeber or even chopin over my preference, who am I to sway her. if she wants to wear football socks with pumps or even a pink tutu, rather than a practical dress and court shoe, I couldnt careless. neither do I mind that she wants to take acting classes, football and swim over ballet, piano and rainbows, read horrible histories and the guiness book of records rather than jackie willson or even jane austen. that she is happy to practice skipping most of lunch time because thats what she wants to master, regardless of what others think is cool and and off playing. I care that shes happy and comfortable in her own skin and confident to say actual this is what I like to do.

OnEdge · 03/06/2011 02:56

Eat with chop sticks
Roll a fag in left hand whilst driving
play the spoons
light a fart
walk on her hands

ScrotalPantomime · 03/06/2011 04:47

My DCs seem to be heading for 'dweebdom'...

sleepywombat · 03/06/2011 05:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Niecie · 03/06/2011 05:46

YABU - the popular cool kids are the ones stacking shelves in supermarkets, having married and divorced young and still living in the same town they grew up in. The uncool kids have drive, ambition and achieve far more in life and are laughing at the cool kids, 20 years down the line.

Don't limit your DD to being 'cool' because it won't last. She doesn't want to peak too soon.

Coralanne · 03/06/2011 07:08

This is a quote from John Lennon.

When I was 5 years old, my mum always told me that happiness was the key to life.

When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I wrote down "Happy".

They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life".

noblegiraffe · 03/06/2011 07:15

I would definitely want my DS to be comfortable dancing, so am trying to think of ways this could be achieved. So much social interaction revolves around dancing. I hate dancing and do not do it, therefore have been excluded from quite a few events and it has really upset me. Work do? Dinner followed by dancing means I'm out. I hate it.

CliffTumble · 03/06/2011 07:22

That being smart is cool,
To be kind and considerate
To do basic sewing
To cook
To have a love of outdoors and to be able to find beauty in the smallest things.
And to wear sunscreen. Always wear sunscreen.

thumbwitch · 03/06/2011 07:29

"And to wear sunscreen. Always wear sunscreen."
Which will lead to vitamin D deficiency and bone problems, possibly even Alzheimer's (it has been linked to this) and other more serious conditions.

Sensible exposure to the sun is essential - vitamin D is produced in the body by the UV B rays striking the skin and being able to get through to the melanin-producing cells - if you block this completely then you will be starving your body of this anti-cancer hormone that we produce, and that also works with calcium to maintain bone integrity.

CliffTumble · 03/06/2011 07:39

My children have skin the same colour as milk. I let them out without sunscreen early so they can get vitamin d.( as they are so pale they absorb it easily) but after 10am its sunscreen for them.

And any way I was only quoting from that hit 15 years ago which was on a few years ago.
Have you ever seen severe sunburn? It's not to be mucked about with.

emptyshell · 03/06/2011 07:39

The biggest thing I think is to teach them that they don't always need to be surrounded by a crowd of hangers on and that they CAN enjoy their own company. May not be the ticket to instant teenage happiness but in the long run it's worth more than dance classes or whatever - and results in a teenager with the guts to say no when attempted to drag into idiot plans.

And being honest, I think being geeky and techie is becoming the new cool more and more - least they're the ones making the money in the economic meltdown!

Oh and being able to sew to do basic repairs - amazingly useful lifeskill that earns a tonne of respect from people who can't do it.

And I played guitar - but always wanted to be able to play the piano or flute :(

ithaka · 03/06/2011 07:43

before I had children I had one thing I wanted to teach them....

You know that experiment where people are told to give electric shocks to people they can't see but can hear screaming? Most people kept turning it higher when the man in the white coat told them too, despite hearing the screams. Some didn't - I always swore I would raise my children to be one of the ones that didn't.

Now I have older children I realise how much they are born their own person and how little you can influence their likes and dislikes and basic personality (eg one child never shuts up, one is quiet and contemplative) but you can influence values and lead by example.

My older girl recently got an award at school for going of her way to be kind and helpful to the SN girl in her class all year - I prefer that to her striving to be 'cool' and popular - better to stand out for the right reasons. She can't street dance, ski, play in a band etc, but I think she has got it right.

exoticfruits · 03/06/2011 07:43

I think it is that it is important that you can be different- and being cool and popular isn't important. Far better to be yourself-it works fine and you are then sure people like you for who you are.

CheerMum · 03/06/2011 07:44

okay, in reality i have always told my daughter that i wanted her to learn to swim and to defend herself. everything else she does is because she fancies giving it a go. I have also told her that as long as she is happy in life, that is the most important thing.

with tongue firmly in cheek, i also want her to learn....that most blokes are shits so better just stick with Daddy and the dog as her bestest males; how to drive a car with her knees; how to judge when she's had enough booze BEFORE she lands in the gutter; and how to apply liquid eyeliner (never got that meself).

thumbwitch · 03/06/2011 07:55

Clifftumble - hence my point about sensible sun exposure. And yes, I also have porcelain white skin and have had severe sunburn myself - and I still advocate sun exposure for vitamin D purposes.

Original poster

weejie · 03/06/2011 10:45

PMSL at rolling fag with left hand while driving. Obviously if smoking wasn't so awful I'd add

being able to blow smoke rings like Frenchy from grease

had another three thoughts over night

be very comfortable with technology, to the extent of a bit of coding, jury rigging electronics etc
be a good sport, play fair and a good loser
be able to DJ or whatever way music is made in 20 years time

OP posts:

Quenelle · 03/06/2011 11:02

I want DS to be able to shrug off teasing and peer pressure. To stand up for himself and never pick on anyone he perceives as weaker.

I was in the bully victim group at school and desperately wanted to be in with the cool crowd.

I finally realised when I turned about 14 that those who were themselves and worried least about being cool had been happiest all along. And they were actually the 'coolest' as well.

In reality DS is likely to be encouraged to:

Play guitar
Have weird hair
Not play football
Listen to whatever alternative music is around at that time

cory · 03/06/2011 11:15

I have not forgotten what it was like to be bullied. It hurt. On all sorts of levels.

But to have been cool in my school would have meant giving up everything I cared for, let my results drop, pester my parents for money they didn't have, mess up my chances of the interesting adult life I've had - for the sake of some people I was never going to meet again once I'd left school.

No seriously- that would have been insane!

onceamai · 03/06/2011 12:22

I think Cory has hit the nail on the head. Looking back the "cool" group from school ended up the least successful. I will let my daughter be herself and celebrate her for the person she is. Just 13 and at present utterly delightful, quirky, quiet, warm, caring, polite, and definitely not cool.

exoticfruits · 03/06/2011 13:04

I finally realised when I turned about 14 that those who were themselves and worried least about being cool had been happiest all along. And they were actually the 'coolest' as well

This has been my thoughts all along.
The 'cool in crowd' are generally boring and if you have to alter yourself to fit in they can generally tell. The 'out crowd' are generally much more interesting, and people realise this in time, so you might as well be yourself.
Even now I tend to shy away from 'in crowds'-they have generally found someone they think 'cool' and have latched on, rather than looking to themselves.

Flip

1 2 3