to suggest that my sister could cover boobs with a scarf....

[chocolatehobnobs]

Sister has 2 DC 2 and 5 months. I am pg. She reckons she is the world expert on child rearing, never afraid to comment on other's parenting. We went for lunch at the weekend at Wagamama's. Staff were lovely and helpful offered highchair etc sis was vocally demanding a certain table and being a bit precious IMO. We were sitting next to 6 young guys (same table) Sis whips boob out and BF baby. I (and our neigbours who were eating) could see boob, dripping nipple. When she announced loudly that baby had bitten nipple I offered to pass her a scarf to save the boys blushes. She refused and said she was often complimented on being a good role model for BF. AIBU to want to do things differently or is she right?

[LadyWord]

YABU - well not to offer a scarf I suppose, but to think it was necessary. People may feel uncomfortable sometimes, but they need to lump it. The baby's needs come first. And sometimes if you want to bf in public you do have to get a bit militant about it to fend off the vibes that you should be hiding it.

I was a squirter - massive oversupply, mine could squirt several feet (sorry if TMI). I tried to keep a muslin ready to catch it but I'm afraid sometimes it sprayed across sainsbury's/starbucks/on one occasion a passer-by's coat! (I did apologise) but everyone was very nice and accepting about it (might have been the "don't mess with me" look on my face :o)

I have never been ashamed or embarrassed about bf in public. My MW said "we need more women like you". If there were more, and more like your sister, attitudes would catch up. It would be no different from a baby having a bottle (which might also drip) in public.

[sunnydelight]

Because I just don't want to Goldenbear and I think I should be able to go into a restaurant without someone's bare tits being in my face. BF away, go for your life, it's totally natural blah blah blah I get that (and have done it myself in restaurants discretely) just show a bit of respect for other people along the way rather than demanding the RIGHT TO DO WHAT YOU LIKE WHEN YOU LIKE Hell truly is other people.

[otchayaniye]

"RIGHT TO DO WHAT YOU LIKE WHEN YOU LIKE"

Actually, breastfeeding isn't always 'what I like'. I like drink and drugs and motorbikes and fancy shoes. I don't see it as 'inflicting' my wants on others. It's my child's needs actually.

I am feeding and meeting the comfort needs of one of society's most vulnerable people, a baby. A baby who cannot understand the rather twisted ideas some adults in this country have about nurturing and parenting. A baby who cannot stave off hunger with some crisps and a glass of Coke.

If you see that as selfish, if you see that as about parents inflicting their 'brats' on you, then that says more about you than about anyone else.

And I don't think Gide had breastfeeding mothers in mind when he came up with that apercu.

And there are lots of things I don't want to see. Ugly faces, manky feet, morbidly obese people in leggings, hairy moles (I lived in Asia --- they are considered lucky) badly fitting bras, poor quality shoes, worn-down Ugg boots, people with false teeth eating runny eggs. I could go on. But we all rub along together.

It's a breast used for feeding in an eating setting. Not an anus. Not an erect penis. It's not as if someone is goatse-ing you in your face (DON'T GOOGLE) or doing a 2-girls, 1-cup in your salad.

Get some perspective, and some fellow feeling for a new member of the human race.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I'm rolling my eyes at the 'psychoanalysts' on this thread. What is it about a difference of opinion that you're so afraid of? Why does everybody have to feel the same way about breastfeeding or anything else? I don't see very many b/f exhibitionists, very few and far between. That's probably because the vast majority who breastfeed just get on with it, discreetly, as is their choice.

I completely disagree with posters who've suggested that the OP's sister is a tremendous advocate for breastfeeding, she isn't, not in my view. It's not abnormal to breastfeed, it's completely normal, nothing magical or mystical about it. To me it's private between mother and baby, no room for onlookers and certainly no need to 'make a point' of showing anybody else.

I don't understand why, when all of the posters on these threads always say that they are discreet, or barest flash is all that is seen, are so up in arms - the thread isn't about you. It's about OP's exhibitionist sister and how uncomfortable sister made OP feel. Valid feelings, whether you agree with the content or not. It's the disregard for any view other than "If you're breastfeeding, you need have no feelings for anybody else, if you make a performance of it and draw attention to the marvellous, magical act, that's all to the good, it will make more women do it". Absolute rubbish.

I personally don't like the 'gobbling' noises, but I wouldn't tut or give a look or do anything else, I would completely ignore it so why am I not free to feel what I feel? I don't like hairy toes either, they make me feel a bit sick... some people don't mind.

I don't believe that there are as many 'disapproving' people as commented on in these threads, any more than there are many exhibitionists. Nobody cares or is in the slghtest bit interested, they don't want their space encroached on, nor be 'forced' to see anything (not just b/f'ing) that they don't want to see, they just want to be in their own little 'bubble'. People seem to generally be tolerant if the society 'niceties' of not bothering other people (about anything) are met.

[otchayaniye]

" it's completely normal, nothing magical or mystical about it. To me it's private between mother and baby"

You are contradicting yourself. If it's not 'special' why should it be 'private between mother and baby'?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

otchiyaniye... So what you're twisting saying is that, unless you're free to make a song and dance about 'feeding one of society's vulnerable members', the basic, simple act of breastfeeding isnt enough. Child's needs are met, but unless you can glare at somebody or squirt somebody, it's been a bit of a let down somehow?

I think if that is the way that breastfeeding is judged, the discreet nursing mothers are receiving a huge disservice.

[LIZS]

Think it says more about you than your sister tbh.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

It's private between mother and baby because mother is feeding the baby, no?

Even if one were feeding a child from a Heinz jar, a mother isn't randomly going to pop a spoonful into a stranger's gob, is she? Still between mother and child.

I don't see that I contradicted myself at all. I didn't use the word 'special', you did. I used the word 'private'. Are you another poster who distorts what is posted to suit yourself?

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Sunnydelight, someone actually put their bare tits in your face?? Now that I would object to...

[otchayaniye]

"you can glare at somebody" You might glare at someone because you've had negative reactions from friends and family and people like you who have rolled their eyes because you haven't deemed them 'discreet' enough.

"squirt somebody" - your body can't help that sometimes (never happened to me but it evidently does). I don't think anyone is going around deliberately squirting people.

What IS discreet anyway. There isn't always a discreet way to do it, sometimes I've left he house in a dress and have to pull it down from the top, for example. Sometimes the baby is recalcitrant and won't tolerate a cloth over it. Sometimes older babies and toddlers get distracted.

But why is it 'private'? You haven't explained. And the mother isn't demanding that any random members of the public suck her nipples, is she, so your Heinz analogy is frankly ridiculous.

[otchayaniye]

My point still stands. If it is, in your words, 'completely normal' and 'basic', why should you need to sit in the corner, hide under a cloth, or wear special 'hidey' clothes to do it?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

That's how I feel when I read some of the posts on this subject. Millitancy seems to be the primary factor, rather than just getting on with feeding your child. I can count on my hand the number of glaring breastfeeders that I've noticed. I'm truly not interested in how a mother feeds their child, its their time together and to me it's private.

I think you do know the difference otchayaniye, blatant is blatant, somebody whose shawl or top falls down or the baby pulls away isn't blatant, it's incidental. There is a difference, to me anyway.

When I was feeding my children, it was private time, nobody else involved or interested. That's how I felt about it. The Heinz analogy explained it from the perspective of feeding a child, whatever method. If you need it explaining to you then you obviously don't feel the same way yourself - and that's fine, I felt that way.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

You don't need to sit in a corner - although for me it was convenient for access to bag, wipes, etc. without having people walking by. I didn't hide the baby under a cloth either, although I did wear a cardigan that I could pull around. I don't think people even noticed, it was my intention to be discreet and, as far as I know, I was.

[BooyHoo]

"she pulled her top down, exposing her whole breast "

wow!! a whole breast?? the poor waiter. he should be grateful he got to see it for free, they usually have to buy the Sun for that.

"to find her sitting topless in her living room, feeding her baby."

No way!! not in her OWN living room, feeding her OWN child? i don't believe that for a second. someone arrest that vile woman for feeding her baby in the privacy of her own home!!

FFS some people's weirdo body hang-ups really get in the way of rational thinking!!

[BooyHoo]

the heinz analogy isn't accurate.

shoving a spoon into a stranger's mouth is completely different from sitting at a table with a baby latched to your breast, even if the baby pulls away and a (shock, horror) nipple is visible. completely different. the nipple isn't 'on display' it is visible. there is a difference.

[slhilly]

As I read the usual string of outrage about people "ostentatiously" BFing and complaining about militancy, three thoughts occur:

1. Tortoise, I agree with "There's always a group of potentially horrified men" appearing in these posts. The truth is, men are typically excited to see a flash of nipple, even at completely inappropriate times like when it's being used to feed a baby. The chances of them being horrified range from miniscule to zero. Most likely, they're thinking "amazing! I had a sneaky peek at that woman's nipple!"
   

1. How come I've never seen a thread that asks "AIBU to wish that my friend / sister / sainted aunt wouldn't bathe topless when we went to Corfu last week"? Why is BF'ing the only form of public breast-display that we ever see on here?
   

1. And re discretion - I think discretion is positively harmful. Breastfeeding is a tricky skill to learn. Watching others is a good way to learn. If seeing breastfeeding happen was just part of life for British women, something routinely encountered from childhood, if they'd seen thousands of latches and watched hundreds of babies do their many variations on the theme of feeding, then it would be a damned sight easier for most women to do when they first tried it themselves. Discretion is what enables the spread of pernicious memes like the idea that the baby just puts the nipple in their mouth, not part of the breast as well.

[BooyHoo]

hear hear slhilly

[chipmonkey]

And if you are feeding your baby from a Heinz jar, it might be between the two of you but no-one covers the Heinz jar with a scarf for fear another person sees it.

[Bumperlicioso]

You can't whip your boobs out? I can lasso mine around my head . I don't though, because that wouldn't be discreet.

[CrapolaDeVille]

Whilst breastfeeding is worthy and important, I'm not sure being so free with bare breasts in a restaurant with teen boys is entirely necessary. I'm sure we can afford others a little discretion, the baby won't suffer if the breast isn't flung about in the breeze before latching. I wouldn't make it awkward for mother and baby though.....

[MarianneM]

I wouldn't give a flying f**k what some 6 young guys thought if I had to feed my baby. Why do BFing mothers have to be discreet? What is indiscreet about feeding a baby?

OP - you're being really stupid.

[nickelbabe]

I do believe YABU, op.

Your sister most likely didn't leave her boobs hanging out on purpose - she was just juggling a task.

and she was probably trying to get you to lighten up and stop being such a tight-arse.

a scarf ??? Why the fuck should she hide herself away?
Or should we cover your face with a scarf when you're eating?

[BooyHoo]

crapola, is it only teen boys we should be discreet infront of or is it older ones aswell. what is teh age limit at which we can waggle our breasts in their faces whilst tehy eat? because that is what we are talking about isn't it? teh woman in teh OP has clearly stripped off and attatched nipple tassles and done a floor show before feeding her baby hasn't she?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

chipmonkey... one possibly would if it were a Nes-lay jar though, to avoid being lynched!

[RitaMorgan]

YABU

No one is ever forced to look at a woman breastfeeding anyway - if you don't like it look away.