to suggest that my sister could cover boobs with a scarf....

[chocolatehobnobs]

Sister has 2 DC 2 and 5 months. I am pg. She reckons she is the world expert on child rearing, never afraid to comment on other's parenting. We went for lunch at the weekend at Wagamama's. Staff were lovely and helpful offered highchair etc sis was vocally demanding a certain table and being a bit precious IMO. We were sitting next to 6 young guys (same table) Sis whips boob out and BF baby. I (and our neigbours who were eating) could see boob, dripping nipple. When she announced loudly that baby had bitten nipple I offered to pass her a scarf to save the boys blushes. She refused and said she was often complimented on being a good role model for BF. AIBU to want to do things differently or is she right?

[lazybitch]

YANBU

Breast feeding is nothing to be ashamed of (i proudly breast fed both my children) but why behave like an exhibitionist! My friend visited once and whilst meeting my mum for the first time, threw off her top and bra, breast fed and then began walking around the room, boobs on show, looking for a nappy.... It was so embarrassing! I never made my babies feel uncomfortable, but i gave thought to what i was wearing if i intended to feed in public. Often, people thought I was cuddling the baby and didnt even realise I was feeding. I wouldnt dream of showing family, friends, strangers... my boobs and so why would i behave any differently when breast feeding.

[FreudianSlipper]

shoudl feeding a baby naturally be in anyway emarassing for others, that is what boobs are for

yabu you may soon change your point of view. i was never embarrassed about bf in public though i know others were about me doing it, but really that is there problem

[tryingtoleave]

There is public bfing and public bfing. I never used a scarf and was confident about breastfeeding everywhere. But I used to wear a maternity singlet under my top and I would pull my top up, so only a bit of nipple was on display, and was covered by baby's head.

I was quite when I went to a cafe with a friend and she pulled her top down, exposing her whole breast while chatting to a rather waiter about her order. I think she just hadn't thought through the logistics properly.

Also when I went to visit another friend (she was expecting my visit) to find her sitting topless in her living room, feeding her baby.

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Missthing, you're doing brilliantly, and those of us without weirdy hangups couldn't give a rats arse if a flash of boob was on display for a second.

OP, you clearly don't like your sister much, and if you find the idea of feeding a baby in a restaurant disgusting, that's really your issue not hers.

[5DollarShake]

I'm b/feeding my second - I'm a discreet feeder and can still, after all this time, be a bit anxious about feeding in public even though the only times I've ever received comments they've been totally positive.

However I really do get a bit frustrated over the complete dichotomy in British society re BF - 'you MUST do it, but heaven's above, we don't want to ever SEE you do it'. [/clutches pearls]

Why are people so prudish about breastfeeding? Why should people have to strive to be discreet, above all else, when they feed? Why should Joe-Public-random-nobody's sensitivities be the most important thing to consider when a woman nurses her baby - more important than nourishing her baby, and more important than her own comfort?

Unless you're a new Mum or Dad around other breastfeeding women, you so rarely see women breastfeeding anyway. Given that the preponderance of breastfeeding women full stop is so low, the number of exhibitionist breastfeeding women is an even tinier percentage of that.

Are people's lives really so negatively impacted on by these 'exhibitionist' types? Seriously? We (generic) must encounter them so rarely - that I struggle to believe anyone can genuinely get worked up about them.

Surely an inward eye-roll is all they merit, if you're really that offended by them.

[sunnydelight]

YANBU, I don't want to see anyone's bare boobs in a restaurant no matter what they happen to be doing with them.

[Morloth]

If the people sitting next to you had a problem, then perhaps you should have offered them your scarf so they could cover their eyes?

Good on her, don't care that you could see her nipple, we need more breasts around the place so people get used to it.

No-one is actually harmed by seeing a breast.

[iscream]

Yanbu.
I think it is a personal choice and you should do what you feel comfortable with.

[Goldenbear]

Why not sunnydelight, if what they happen to be doing with them is feeding someone who is unable, due to maturity, to sit at a table in the restaurant and use a knife and fork like you are doing. Do all women breastfeeding have to avoid cafes, Restaurants, Parks, the outside World until the child can eat like you?

Why is it necessary for a woman breastfeeding to pretend they are doing something other than what they are actually doing. I dont want to 'pretend' i am cuddling just because some 'adults' find it difficult to see a breast being used to 'shock', 'horror', feed a baby! Hang on isnt that what 'breasts' are meant to be for??

[Goblinchild]

'I could be as discreet as I liked, but DD always tended to talk with her mouth full, and would make loud, gurgly, chompy, enthusiastic noises from under my lovely long t-shirt:

'Ooooh! Omm, umm, ooh, umm [gluck gluck], ummm, ooh, ommm, ummm, oh, oh, mmmm' [sticks head out, bares milky gums at crowd] 'oh mmmmmmm'

Think of that scene from When Harry Met Sally. Oh the shame.'

I love this post, took me right 20 years.

[otchayaniye]

'whips boob out', 'dripping nipple' - says it all.

I think there is an algorithm that chucks these threads out on parenting boards every so often.

{ Public breastfeeding thread, "whip out", "veiny", "boob", "spurting-milk-all-over-the-shop", "I-was-eating", "exhibitionist", release-if-7 days after previous thread, Halt }

[otchayaniye]

I think people are more deeply troubled by breastfeeding than they like to admit, and it's not about nudity or sexualisation in many cases. That's a red herring.

It's an in-your-face reminder of a form of maternal care that they may have missed out on themselves, may not have done themselves and feel troubled by the prospect of doing it at some time in their lives. It cuts quick and can stir up feelings of resentment (which get projected so somehow the feeding women is 'showing off' her nurturing), regret, shame. These feelings are poignant and run deep and get projected and twisted into issues of public decency/time-or-place/exhibitionism etc.

We are fucked up about nurturing. It's not about sex or nipples really. There's nothing horrid about them that would dissuade someone from eating, it's not like a nappy change (just posted about that)

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Otch, you forgot "young boys at the next table". There's always a nearby group of potentially horrified men.

[otchayaniye]

tortoiseonthehalfshell and the 'I-am-pro-bf-but-I-was-always-discreet'

[livinginazoo]

YABU. Breastfeeding is natural, maternal and a loving caring act, if that is what you choose to do.

I laughed at the spraying nipple comment, I had totally forgotten that. I had overenthusiastic boobs with my little ones and when the boobs get into spray mode combined with bobbing babe, poor people sitting near me. Sooo embarrassing and funny, and absolutely nothing you can do about it! Scarf indeed, my children would have ripped it away at 5 months!

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

I dunno really, because obviously I wasn't there. A flash of dripping nipple ain't going to hurt.

BUT I have seen ostentatious bf-ing and, sadly, I worry that it might put people off trying to bf themselves (or off of being supportive of their partners in the future).

[Yama]

I remember when I was pregnant with my first, my sister suggested that I would go into another room if I were to bf at my parent's house. I suggested that she could go into another room. Another room indeed.

Anyway, she has seen me bf two babies and thankfully has a much healthier attitude to bfing now.

[ajandjjmum]

Exhibitionists and attention-seekers are found in all groups of society - including BF mothers. Only you know your sister well enough to judge whether she falls into this category, but if she does, YANBU.

[smallpotato]

Tbh I wish I was uninhibited enough to just get the whole boob out in public. It's what I do at home and it's definitely easier than faffing with peephole tops or pulling one top up and one down. Perhaps if more people were like your sister we would have less BF hangups as a society.

[otchayaniye]

What 'is' "ostentatious bf-ing", and more importantly, why does anyone care?

One person's lack of shame is another's exhibitionism, one person's discretion is another's ostentation.

You'll never ever get it right with all people, in all situations and from all angles. So I think that public breastfeeding is a case of 'just let the mother get on with it while you suck it up' - scuse the pun.

Yes, some parents behave with inconsideration. Just like any person can. But feeding a child isn't a negative thing, it's wholly positive. And the chances are the woman in question has simply relaxed about feeding in public and is simply doing her 'job' without much fretting and worrying about exposure (which varies according to child/age/angle/mood/clothing worn).

If you have an issue about it, it's more likely your own deep-seated anxiety and not really an issue about decency.

[Fecklessdizzy]

I think you've got it in one otchayaniye

I don't have a problem with other people bf-ing in front of me ... It's more that I used to be embarressed doing it in public so now I'm sort of embarressed for them even if they aren't, if you see what I mean ... Wouldn't dream of telling 'em to cover up, though ... If they've got the nerve then more power to their elbow! It is what the things are actually for after all.

[5DollarShake]

I also would love to have the lack of inhibition I have feeding at home - it is so much quicker, easier and less faff than when out and about, ensuring that you've worked all pieces of material (vest down, top up, bra opened) simultaneously, so as to ensure minimum nipple and tummy flab exposure.

I honestly think some seasoned breastfeeders are just so genuinely blasé about it, that they forget where they are or forget that it bothers some people. It's not even meant to be ostentatious; it just is.

[Yama]

Furthermore, it was seeing my frinds bf in public which normalised it for me. I think I have helped to normalise it for my sister. We are a long way off the 'tipping point' though - society's psyche sees breastfeeding as abnormal for some reason. We need more people like your sister.

[TimeWasting]

YABVU.

I tried to be somewhat discreet in public, but that was more an attempt to hide bulging belly and back-fat.
Not at all bothered if my boobs were exposed, I was breastfeeding ffs.