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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kitchen bin stand-off with DH...

70 replies

IgnoringTheChildren · 31/05/2011 21:24

This evening while I was loading the dishwasher, putting shopping away, sticking a load in the washing machine etc my DH emptied the kitchen bin. I appreciate this as it was nearly full and needed doing. However he did this by removing the bin from the bracket in the cupboard (for the record I hate under-sink cupboard bins but the only way to avoid this would be to remove some kitchen cupboards/put a bin in the middle of the floor so we have to walk round it) and placed the bin in the middle of the floor. He then removed the bin bag and placed it in the bin. That?s it.

The bin is still on the kitchen floor. Without a bag in it. He?s walked through the kitchen a lot this evening as he?s been dividing his time between tinkering in the garage and dealing with DS1 (who wasn?t in the mood for sleeping). He?s now watching tv.

I should probably point out that this isn?t the first time he?s done this, in fact somehow it has become my job to retrieve the bin, put a bag in it and return it to the cupboard. Hmm So AIBU to leave it there and wait to see if he deals with it?

OP posts:
Mumwithadragontattoo · 31/05/2011 21:51

If your DH has been busy in the garage and with your son why don't you just finish off the job for him? It's only an oversight. Or just say can you stick a liner in the bin when you've got a sec. Really don't think it's worth such a fuss.

firsttimer84 · 31/05/2011 21:54

he probably doesn't even know he's done it. My hubby says he geuniely doesn't notice things that 'need doing'. Once he did a whole worktops worth of washing up (after asking) and left a milk carton that needed rinsing. Even picked it up to wipe the sideboard underneath. Afterwards I asked him 'are you sure you've finished?' and he looked around and said 'yes why?' I pointed out the milk carton, at which he burst out laughing and said 'I didnt see it!' He then rinsed it and stuck it in the recycling. Just ask him to do it, much easier

Original poster
IgnoringTheChildren · 31/05/2011 22:17

squeakytoy - "In the time it has taken you to write this, you could have done the job..."

Well yes, but I'm hoping that he may realise that it's annoying and then I'll never have to do it again! Smile

Mumwithadragontattoo - it's not like I've been sat on my arse all evening! Plus he's been tinkering in the garage which isn't "busy" and we took it in turns to return DS1 to bed.

I don't think DH will be going back into the kitchen now so it will be there til the morning... and maybe longer!

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 31/05/2011 22:30

i'm with ya OP. if you keep putting it away then he has no reason to ever do it. he knows you will.

vickster11 · 31/05/2011 22:37

dh job is to empty the bins. He never puts a bin liner in the bathroom bin, which I end up doing. He takes both bins and empties them in the kitchen and leaves the bins in the middle of the floor and the bin lids on the work top, or sink, or kitchen table. This really pisses me off and I told him why and 2 years on he still does it. arghhhhhhhhhhhh

pyjamababe · 31/05/2011 22:37

I'm watching with interest as this is exactly the sort of thing that goes on in our house and I've often resolved to leave whatever it is half done until dh notices... then I crack after about 5 minutes because I can't bloody stand it any longer Blush

So, sending willpower vibes to you OP. Be strong!!

Original poster
IgnoringTheChildren · 31/05/2011 23:00

I don't think that DH has ever emptied the bathroom bin! He's not completely useless though and could easily be on here bitching complaining about the fact that I never mow the lawn (well once, but I did it badly), check the car tyre pressures, top up the car screen wash...

The really silly thing is that if he hadn't emptied the bin I would have done it (properly!) and wouldn't have been in the slightest bit bothered about it. Grin

He's just headed up to bed. The bin is still there...

OP posts:
2rebecca · 01/06/2011 00:08

I think you're being very childish about this. The bin is obviously bothering you to a rather stupid extent. He seems oblivious.
If you wanted him as well as emptying the bin to get a new liner and replace the bin then why not just ask him to do that?
You see it as a job to be done, he doesn't. Why do some women not talk to their husbands?
I don't get the passive aggressive sulky martyr crap.

Missingfriendsandsad · 01/06/2011 00:17

He is saying 'I can't believe it I left the bin in the middle of the floor and she STILL thinks its a man's job to take the bins out SHE STILL HASN'T NOTICED I LEFT IT what a blind inconsiderate lump she it. Test? FAIL.

Original poster
IgnoringTheChildren · 01/06/2011 09:44

I'm really not being a "passive aggressive sulky martyr" about this! Grin I'd just like him to finish the job he started and I'm trying a new approach as calm discussion/asking him to do it aren't having a long term effect. Also I really am interested to find out how long he will not notice/ignore it for.

The bin is still there and he won't be back from work until 7 tonight... I think I might go out for the day.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 01/06/2011 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GentleOtter · 01/06/2011 09:52

Just push the bin the couple of feet to it's home.

Life is too bloody short.

CadleCrap · 01/06/2011 09:55

Oooo! Oooo! I know the answer to this.....
No matter how long you leave it, when it is finally brought up in discussion he'll say

"I was going to do it later"

MortaIWombat · 01/06/2011 10:24

Engineer reasons to get him into the kitchen so he has to dodge the bin repeatedly. Might "jog" his memory. Grin

get him to make you all a cup of tea/make lunch/put some washing on?

Ephiny · 01/06/2011 10:38

I think you're being a bit petty. I've done the same thing myself - emptied the bin then got distracted by something else before getting around to putting the new liner in. DP was not impressed when he threw some food scraps in there only to realise there was no bag Blush. But we all make mistakes and forget things sometimes.

If it really annoys you, then say something to him or take care of it yourself. If such a little thing is causing so much resentment, I can't help feel there must be more going on here.

ZacharyQuack · 01/06/2011 12:24

Plant a tree in it.

serendippity · 01/06/2011 12:31

Oh I hate this. Dh does all sorts of helpful jobs which are fab but- and it's a big but- I always have to finish it off! He does the bin thing too, he'll fix something then leave his toolbox in the middle of the floor, along with bits of dust and debris that i then clean up. He'll bath the dc's then leave total carngage in the bathroom. I love my DH and really do appareciate he even does these things to begin with, but it truley bugs me!
I do like the suggestion of planting a tree in the bin Grin

GetOrf · 01/06/2011 12:36

I don't think the OP os being silly.

DP used to do shit like this without thinking. he didn't di ut to be an arse, he was just absent minded. But i was sick of putting away knives, irons, closing drawers etc.

The kitchen use to look like that Scene in the 6th Sense when all the kicthen cupboards are open and in general disarray.

I now say 'DP you have left the kitchen doors open' and get him to go and close them. Unless he is inconvenienced he will just carry on leaving places in a shit heap, because muggins will clear up after him.

You don't have to be contentious about it. You wouldn't pick up and tidy up after your kids (or would you?) all the time, so why should you do so for a grown man.

Funnily enough DP doesn't leave so much mess around now, he has got the point.

GetOrf · 01/06/2011 12:38

Pressed post before I finished.

It annoyed me that one day I flipped - he hadn't picked his laundry up and put it away, I would leave it to fester in the laundry room for days, and then give in and put it away because I was sick of it just sitting there.

I shouted and told DP that I wassick of doing stuff for him because he simply could not be bothered, and said he was arrogant and assumed that his time was more valuable than mine. I said from then on he had to pull his weight and I would NOT finish jobs off for him as it was making me resentful in a very low grade way.

He pulled his finger out.

GetOrf · 01/06/2011 12:40

Ignoring - don't do the passive aggressivey thing.

Just say 'DP can you finish the bin' and leave him to it.

serendippity · 01/06/2011 12:47

Lol getorf, I love the sixth sense description that is exactly what it is like with dh!

Goblinchild · 01/06/2011 12:48

Um, those of you with sons here, are you letting them get away with being oblivious to completing a job because you don't want to state the obvious?
I tell my family what I expect, and they tell me and each other what is necessary. Then if that person chooses to ignore, they are being a PITA and being yelled at is reasonable.
e.g. I moved a stack of wood sheets because they were in my way, but I dumped them in a sunlight place which was bad for them. Now I know, because the person they belonged to told me.
When someone cooks for themselves here, it involves the washing up as well.
Tell your DH to put a liner in the bin every time he's emptied it, the whole job not just the first bit. Then get angry if he chooses to ignore the logic.

GetOrf · 01/06/2011 12:48

Me and DPwatched that film last week and I said 'that house isn't haunted, you just went in there looking for a plate'

We can laugh about it now, but seriously it used to make me want to brain him.

Goblinchild · 01/06/2011 12:49

or daughters, but this thread seems to be about males.

ipswichwitch · 01/06/2011 12:59

i asked my OH why he never but a new bin liner in when he empties the bin. he said "because my fingers are too big and fat to put the bag in properly". most laughable excuse ever???(BTW he def doesn't have fat hands!) i think so, but then i'm not gonna complain as he deals with the litter tray which IMO is far worse than me gettin off me arse to put a new bin bag in :)