... to wonder if SIL thinks I am 'low class'

[LittleRedRobin]

DH's mother and sisters are class snobs, something DH freely admits. I am not British so the whole class thing has never really been on my radar and I had no idea how 'class snobbery' could manifest itself until I met them. In their case, and most relevant to this post, one of the ways it reveals itself is in what they consider 'the right shops to shop in': e.g. Waitrose for groceries, M&S if there is no Waitrose around, but never Sainsbury's or Tesco. As for ASDA, oh my word, cat bum faces all around.

I have always taken care to be extremely tactful in conversations - I don't mock or tease them - but nor do I volunteer information about where I shop, or have heated arguments defending my local supermarket etc. I just keep out of it and my thoughts to myself.

I had a landmark birthday recently - my 40th. My gift from SIL was Tesco vouchers. DH was stunned when I opened the envelope and actually took it out my hand because he thought I was winding him up. His conclusion is that 'Maybe she was in rush and was just being sloppy and lazy and grabbed something off the till while paying'. I asked him if he thought she'd do that if it was a gift for her sister or mother and he admitted there is no way she would. We both know his other sister and his mother would be deeply insulted if she gave them Tesco vouchers.

DH told me later that SIL had mentioned the gift she'd sent me to him in a phone conversation they later had (she raised the subject - I have warned him to not say a word at all about it even though he's dying to mention it to his mother). Apparently she said "I thought RedRobin could buy herself something nice to eat or something....". I'm not sure what to make of this comment either.

I genuinely don't care about the gift itself: in fact, most people forget my birthday and that doesn't even bother me. But I have to confess I have started to wonder if she thinks of me as being 'low class', or someone who lacks proper taste and is unable to appreciate 'quality' therefore not worth wasting effort on. It is this thought that has bothered me, and I think it's the implicit value judgement about me that has annoyed my DH too.

AIBU to wonder if she thinks this of me?

I wrote a post about snobbery within my DH's family a while ago and attitudes. Mine would not do something so dim but there is a definate edge. My family were/are poor and his are not, they are also snobby in many ways. I am english so it is very obvious to me, don't let them get to you. Really classy people treat everyone well.

Sign her up for the clubcard,and every other bit of junk mail they do. Anonymously of course!

That's so awful it's funny. Buy some champagne for your next party and drink her health.

Does SIL know you're annoyed? If not, I'd go OTT and say how perfect the present was (be sincere though)

She probably wants you to be upset, as that'd prove your inferiority and give her something else to feel smug about.

Your SIL must have gone IN to Tesco to buy the Tesco vouchers, surely?

Bewildering.

I agree with Dilys - buy the champagne (Tesco carry some nice lines). And then just draw a line and step [or fall] over it. Your husband sounds nice btw.

bollocks to her

I always thought class in Britain was about family ancestry, not money. Am I wrong?

I'd say, "Gosh, I hadn't thought of shopping in Tesco; I always go to Waitrose. How awful for you that you are having to economise like that - do tell me if you'd like a loan."

Anybody who feels they can't shop at Aldi, Lidl whatever has to be very insecure about themselves therefore not really classy. All really posh people don't care at all.

But about your SIL. That's just inexplicable. Wherever you both shop, TESCO vouchers aren't much of a treat. Practical, useful yes but not really a birthday present.

Oh well. Get champagne and forget about it

I think they just SAY they buy at M&S only. Then forgot they ever mentioned shops to you. And whilst in Tesco, they picked you up some vouchers.

No need to feel offended.

I have one friend who is a shop-snob. I always make sure that when I bring her a gift, such as champagne, it is wrapped in one of my old LIDL bags. Host amazed: "Do Lidl sell Moet?". good laugh.

'Really classy people treat everyone well' . Totally agree troubletutmill

Op you are right to ignore it all, and to think a little less of sil for doing this.

If they were really posh, they would not give a second thought on which supermarket.

I would be pleased with a Tesco voucher, better than something for the house that you dont like. My DP grandma bought us lace sofa protectors, which we have to have on display when she visits us. She'd spent £60 on them too, ooh how I'd loved that in Tesco vouchers.

I don't think you should worry yourself over something so petty, or say anything to her.

She sounds vile.

Supermarket vouchers, no matter which supermarket they are for, are a crap birthday present. Especially for a big birthday. So not only is she a snob, she's a thoughtless, bad present-buying one.

She's being deliberately rude to you. It's not an accidental things at all.

"Here are some vouchers for your birthday. The shop they are for is an awful shop for scummy people, so I thought you would like it. I thought you could buy some food, or whatever awful things it is you peasants buy there."

Rise above it but don't kid yourself she didn't know exactly how nasty she was being.

Maybe she is just shite at buying presents! Can't stand snobs, but hey, its there money if they want to pay more money in waitrose on their grocery shop, up to them. I can't shop in ASDA though, nothing to do with snobbery but whenever there is an ASDA for some reason the acoustics of the building seems to amplify every little sound and i come out of there with a headache. I don't get supermarket snobbery, a tin of beans is a tin of beans is a tin of beans ffs.

They´re snobs for sure-and have no class by the sounds of it!

IMO it's only wannabe snobs that harp on about only shopping in waitrose etc.

Sad. Very sad.

1. you can buy lots of nice crap at Tescos. their champagne lines are far superior to M&S. (Tescos Blanc de blanc was v drinkable, their blanc de noir eminently potable also. - Oudinot from M&S - overpriced and under-whelming).

2. perhaps this is a slight. perhaps it isn't. either way you have to say thank you and act pleased. And lets face it - Tescos vouchers - plenty to be pleased about!

3. ooh.there is some very good tat at Tescos...they were doing Moroccan-style garden lamps in orange/pink or blue/green coloured glass for £8...i could spend hours and many hundreds at our tescos, givn half a chance...

This is very true as stated above. "Really classy people treat everyone well."
They sound really silly. I'm supposedly reasonably posh but I am more than happy to shop in Tesco. It's people who are unsure of themselves who go in for those silly distinctions who feel they have something to prove or worry about.

She obviously shops there now - perhaps she has fallen on hard times!

Tesco's pink champagne is vair naice indeed. Buy yourself something lovely and enjoy it. She sounds petty and up herself, you sound fab. Happy birthday BTW

oh darling you have already wasted too much time pondering this outrageous snub - from a scumbag. This may be an eye-opener that she has a poisonous streak a mile wide but you are lovely and gorgeous and let it slide off your graceful back. You have more class in your little finger, she is not worth another thought - other than her snub is all about her, not a jot about you.