To be upset with my DH about this?

[TinaWilliams]

Ok - I will start off by saying that this will undoubtedly be a sensitive topic for many, and I will try and be as sensitive as poss when telling the tale....

I am 11 weeks pregnant with my first baby at 34, and we are going in for our dating scan next week. During the booking appointment, the midwife asked if we had thought about Down's Syndrome screening. I reported that I had read something about it, and that I wasn't sure. I was fairly sure that I didn't want to go as far as having an amnioscentisis as I didn't see the point in introducing a risk (however small) of miscarriage unless we are going to abort if the test is positive.

DH pipes up with "well - we would, wouldn't we?"

Went home and have both done some research and naturally thought about it a lot and the bottom line is, I want my baby regardless and will love it regardless. I don't want to go through an abortion if (and I know that it is a very small chance) that there is something wrong. Spoke to DH last night to tell him that I dont want to carry out the screening and he got all huffy about me "not respecting his wishes too" blah blah blah and that "it was obvious that I was going to do whatever the hell I liked so there was no point in him taking any further part in any discussion" followed by "Just dont expect me to hang around for the consequences"

Naturally, he apologised and didn't mean it, but I have been left with rather a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing.

So, AIBU to refuse the screening if that is what DH really wants? And the thing is, now that he has said those things - even if he really didn't mean them - I am wavering in my resolve! I know that it makes me weak, and I hate myself for it, but I am just not sure that I could do this by myself if it comes to it. I am now torn between what I think is the right thing to do, and the fear of losing my husband and the father of my child over it. HELP!!!

BTW, havng just read over all this, I am aware that I have made him sound like a complete A-hole. I have, of course, synopsised all the conversations that we have had into a concise post which does nothing for making him sound reasonable. I also think that rather than being an unfeeling pig, DH is just frightened about the unknown - he has no knowledge or experience of kids with special needs - and he has a tendency to shy away from things that he cant rationalise for himself.

Lerato, I was just going to make that very point. I sadly had a child that had Patau's syndrome. A terminal condition. That is one of the things they screen for.

I don't see a problem with not having the screening btw, just wanted to point out that it is not just Down Syndrome that is screened for. I did not have invasive testing with either of my other pgs, just the initial non-invasive tests.

We had the nuchal fold measurement done, having declined it as the scan showed an increased bit. We then had bloods done and came back with a 1 in 18 chance of Downs (I was 28 at the time of the scan). I decided not to have the amnio as it wouldn't make a difference to me - DH was in agreement. We did go for a heart scan though as it is a common indicator of heart issues. Thankfully, everything was clear. Now we're just waiting for baby to arrive. Having the nuchal fold measurement is completely non-evasive and can put your mind at rest. I completely agree that the amnio is unneccessary if you have no thoughts of abortion/adoption. A sit down and chat sounds like a good idea - chances are that you will be low risk anyway!!