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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...or just jealous?

63 replies

Trinaluce · 29/05/2011 15:52

I'll try and keep this brief. Friend of mine has a 6 month old baby and is in a relationship with a married man (not the child's father). Her facebook status timeline is a constant stream of 'got sooooooooooo drunk last night', 'out with XY and Z on the piss', 'out at Z's party with (married man)'. She barely talks about her son and just seems to be out every night of the week.

AIBU to be fed up with her attitude, or am I just jealous that she's got a life (and a willing babysitter dammit) and energy levels I never had when DD was 6 months old?

OP posts:
Vallhala · 29/05/2011 16:43

Queenie, it doesn't "sound like there are issues", it sounds like a young woman hasn't fallen into the trap of not having a life of her own.

And there is no reason for you to suspect that the woman is leaving her baby without childcare - what next? Accusations that she must have the clap because she's dating a married man?

It seems to me that if there are any issues they aren't ones suffered by the OP's "friend".

scottishmummy · 29/05/2011 16:47

went on work do when baby 4mths.loved it,few hours of fun.not being asked about feeding,wt gain,sleep. felt like myself again.id recommend it to any new mum getting out. hallefuckinlujah it was a life saver

Original poster
Trinaluce · 29/05/2011 16:54

Oh she definitely has childcare, just to sort that little wrinkle out.

I went to a party when DD was 6 weeks old, leaving her with DH and yes it was WONDERFUL to be 'me' again and not mummy-milk-machine, and it'll be something I make sure I do again :)

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 29/05/2011 17:01

did you get that queenie,no issues and reliable babysitter

LilQueenie · 29/05/2011 17:04

if her facebook is a constant stream of going our partying updates how constant are we talking. For someone who has struggled to have a child for 10 yrs I cant understand her willingness to hand her baby over so often.

scottishmummy · 29/05/2011 17:11

your views are shaped by your experience,fair enough
but cannot transpose this onto another mum or call her "bad mother" because she does it differently to you.

LilQueenie · 29/05/2011 17:14

Im not saying that a mother should stay in all the time. God knows DP thinks I shouldnt attend a concert once a year or wear skinny jeans anymore..but thats a whole other thread. The opening post just read that this is a mother who spends more time drunk than caring for a child. Or at least that is how it came across. I didnt mean to offend with my posts.

BooyHoo · 29/05/2011 17:16

lilqueenie are your for real??

someone posts that they get drunk and you decide that makes them a bad mother???

LilQueenie · 29/05/2011 17:18

I didnt say that try reading it again. I said it came across that she was out drunk MORE than she was caring for her child.

BooyHoo · 29/05/2011 17:18

you said it sounds like she is a bad mother. read your own post again!!

Original poster
Trinaluce · 29/05/2011 17:19

I get what you're saying Queenie, it does come across as a woman spending more time out on the razz than with her son. I just wasn't sure if I was fed up with her attitude or just pissed off that she has a life and I don't Grin

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 29/05/2011 17:20

"LilQueenie Sun 29-May-11 15:55:14
well who is looking after the child? Doesnt soudn like jealousy to me more that she is a bad mother."

scottishmummy · 29/05/2011 17:20

i think people big up fb and stuff
we all bring our values and judgements to motherhood,and need to be aware and regulate it at times. a bit like the why bother having children if you let strangers watch them line. fact is we all do it differently. and as unthinkable as it is to one mum to use baby room at nursery to another it is a planned part of motherhood

GinSlinger · 29/05/2011 17:20

If I hadn't been drunk from time to time I'd have been an atrocious mother.

BooyHoo · 29/05/2011 17:23

my kids go to bed at 7pm and wake at 7am. i could leave the house every night at 7.30. get drunk, be home by 11pm. sleep and get up at 7am no problem. i dont suffer from hangovers. as long as i have my chidlren cared for while i am out and when i am back home drunk then i am doing nothing wrong.

LilQueenie · 29/05/2011 17:25

booyhoo as I asked in an earlier post was the babysitter willing or was it assumed? facebook posts can be vague in terms of what is really going on. It wasnt clear.

Tambern · 29/05/2011 17:25

I think you're being a little bit jealous, since your friend has a perfect right if her child is in safe hands to go out and have fun. The married man is a different story altogether.

However there is a very simple solution. Defriend her. If you're sick of the drama that she causes and don't want to have to pretend to think that her life choices are valid (shagging married men etc) then don't talk to her or be a listening ear. You're enabling her at the cost of being bored yourself.

I'm surprised that if you're close enough friends to know about her personal dramas, that facebook is your source for your information about her life. I reckon you're probably not actually very close at all, so it's not much of a loss to hide/ defriend her, and you'll have to relief of not having to feel judgemental, because you simply won't have anything to judge

LilQueenie · 29/05/2011 17:27

True but is it realistic? Did the opening post sound like that? And I think to be honest that would bring problems. No one is capable of that every night without it taking its toll but I see the point you are making.

scottishmummy · 29/05/2011 17:27

quennie the op mentions willing babysitter.unambigiusly so

BooyHoo · 29/05/2011 17:27

i'm talking about your first post on this thread. based on what OP posted you judged this woman as a bad mother. the willingness of the babysitter wasn't mentioned in the OP so your response wasn't based on that. it was based on someone getting drunk.

LilQueenie · 29/05/2011 17:31

no it was based on someone getting drunk A LOT

timeline is a constant stream of 'got sooooooooooo drunk last night', 'out with XY and Z on the piss', 'out at Z's party with

FFS parents are allowed to drink Im not stupid.

BooyHoo · 29/05/2011 17:32

the OP doesn't mention childcare arrangements. it mentions that it seems like the woman is out every night. you can only assume the otehr details. so she may have an excellent willing babysitter and be waking up fresh as a daisy each morning or she may be leaving her child unattended til 12 oclock each day while she sleeps it off. we dont know teh details so i don't understand why anyone would jump to the conclusion that she isn't providing adequate care for her child. i think some people like thinking the worst of others as a default position.

diddl · 29/05/2011 17:33

Well, as long as baby is looked after & the mother is OK to look after her the next day, then it´s OK, surely.

I also agree that FB comments often need to be taken with a sack pinch of salt, also.

Yes, there´s a middle ground, of course.

I think it´s the phrase "on the piss" reminds me of what was fun at the time-"pub crawling"-but wouldn´t want to be doing it again-well, not regularly, anyway.

Reminds me of friends who were married & are now single & "out there & looking" again.

BooyHoo · 29/05/2011 17:35

getting drunk alot doesn't make her a bad mother!!! you are assuming getting drunk means she isn't arranging proper childcare for her baby. why???

scottishmummy · 29/05/2011 17:37

op needs to more frank,she holds this pal in disdain and is having a gossip about her fb and men

trina if it is all such a tiresome drama and you disapprove of her lifestyle,then just stop looking on fb and loose her as a pal. youre not compelled to look at her fb or to be the shoulder to cry upon

and fwiw,i felt great when i got a night out away from baby. felt like me again.not all mumsy