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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think there are only so many photos of a rhododendron any one person needs?

38 replies

Hassled · 29/05/2011 10:20

I want to go to this Nat Trust place near us to see the rhododenrons - it's absolutely beautiful, gorgeous views, 80 different species etc. We always go this time of year, and every single bloody year (for at least 12 years) DH brings his camera and takes photos. Close up, not close up, very very close up, from far far away. It always ends up with me hissing "I'm not waiting for you any more" as the kids disappear into the middle distance, and we're always barely speaking as we return to the car.

And then, and then - nothing. He labels them on his laptop, he never prints them off, no one ever sees them again. Maybe he uses them as his porn-alternative - I have no idea.

This afternoon I am putting my foot down. I will smash the camera (and did I mention he spent £500 on the camera without consulting me - admittedly this was 8 years ago, but still) before it goes in the car. AIBU?

OP posts:

WhoAteMySnickers · 29/05/2011 10:27

Hide the camera - quick!

Tbh a day of looking at rhododendrons is not my idea of a day out and taking photos of them seems equally as boring. If he's done this for the last 12 years then you know what you're letting yourself in for, therefore YABU.

MumblingRagDoll · 29/05/2011 10:29

YABU to visit the same rhododendrons every year.

squeakytoy · 29/05/2011 10:29

Walk on and leave him to it, and let him catch you up when he is ready.

flimflammery · 29/05/2011 10:31

Haha that'a a great AIBU title!

Sheffield Park by any chance? If so, yes it is beautiful.

Tell him if he stops to take more than three photos, then you're leaving him there and going to the tea shop for a cake extravaganza and he's paying.

fluffles · 29/05/2011 10:34

why do you get to gawp but he doesn't get to photograph?

imo photographing them makes the day a little bit more engaging, don't get me wrong, they're a lovely flower, but imo most lovely when you're on a hike or a bike ride or photographing not just dawdling and gawping.

YANBU in your question, he doens't need the pics, but YABU to expect him to enjoy dawdling around gawping at the flowers every year.

Original poster

Hassled · 29/05/2011 10:35

No, the camera's not coming. Hiding it will avoid unpleasantness, won't it?

OP posts:

diddl · 29/05/2011 10:39

YABU-

You know the saying "you can never be to rich or too thin"?

Haven´t you also heard "you can never have too many rhododendron pics"?

Cattleprod · 29/05/2011 10:40

I bet there's some rhodedendron fetish site, and your DH is one of the respected big cheeses with all his rhodedendron porn. Alan Titchmarsh is probably involved!

Why isn't he taking photos of you and the DCs though? That's what normal people do, surely (even if there are rhodedendrons in the background).

purepurple · 29/05/2011 10:41

Borrow his camera and take hundreds of close-ups of naked men. When he complains, tell him you need a new camera to enable you to really take your new hobby seriously.

Original poster

Hassled · 29/05/2011 10:43

Oh I'm not forcing him into this outing - on the contrary, he seems unduly keen. Maybe Cattleprod is right. One day that hard drive will be evidence.

And MumblingRagDoll - are they the same rhododenrons though, if they die back and regrow each year?

OP posts:

allhailtheaubergine · 29/05/2011 10:46

My husband does this in aquariums.

JUST LOOK AT THE FUCKING FISH AND WALK ON, MAN. Walk on.

But anyway, YABU - you can't change his rhododendron photography fetish, but you can change your reaction to it. Decide before you get there that that is what he's going to do, and make your own plan to enjoy the day. Arrange to meet him later in the tea room or something.

KurriKurri · 29/05/2011 10:46

Sounds like my DH, - he likes to experience everything through a camera lens. I don't mind that much, he does take good pictures, but sometimes I wish we could just look at things and enjoy them.

Limit him to a ten minute photo session and then the camera goes away. Failing that do what DD and I do - just walk on without him and let him catch up.

(I will swap you your Rhododendron photos, for the 'fifteen hundred photos of an interesting caterpillar' collection )

GentleOtter · 29/05/2011 10:48

Perhaps the rhododendrons bring out his inner bee. Close ups of stamens and everything. Very intimate.

Yanbu as rhohs do owt for 11 months of the year then they become mildly interesting, horticulturally.

Merrylegs · 29/05/2011 10:51

Sheringham? TBF, they are vair stunning rhodes.

AwesomePan · 29/05/2011 10:58

He sounds a very sweet, engaged, artistic and nature-loving man, and you are coming across as the mean, intolerant, restless old rat bag who is jealous of his internal equilibrium.

ChairOfTheBored · 29/05/2011 11:08

oooh, azaleas - they are naughty little minxes.

Original poster

Hassled · 29/05/2011 11:09

I am jealous of his internal equilibrium - you're quite right.
Maybe I need to get my own camera.

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 29/05/2011 11:11

Can't hear the word azaleas without thinking of

aldiwhore · 29/05/2011 11:12

My DH is a photographer, its in his blood, I would be cruel to tell him he can't take photos... BUT we don't wait for him. He has his phone, he gives me a break as well, if we lose each other, I go find a cafe (he hates cafes, I adore them). It has taken about 13 years to get the balance right.

If we're on holiday, he HAS to take a few photos of his actual family every day (I would never touch his camera, I would break it) then he can take as many shots of pebbles and clouds as he likes. He also is expected to file the arty/boring shots separately from the family shots.

To be fair, some of his arty stuff is awesome, and he does sell a few so I can't complain. Now that our 'system' is in place I find I'm getting more interested!

OP YABU because your dh gets a lot of joy from taking photos, but YANBU as well... you simply need a system that allows you both to do what you want.

Original poster

Hassled · 29/05/2011 18:29

He didn't bring his camera! Huzzah!
Either he lurks on MN or he remembers the 2010 Hissy Fit, which means we have no 2011 rhododendrons in the photo collection whatsoever. Result.

OP posts:

EverythingInMiniature · 29/05/2011 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flyingspaghettimonster · 29/05/2011 18:56

He isn't called Peter is he? with a penchants for train spotting and a furry-flapped hat? whistles innocently

Original poster

Hassled · 29/05/2011 19:01

Not a Peter, no to the hat and no to the trains. Phew :o
He can identify any aircraft that flies overhead, though. Military or non - he's not fussy.

OP posts:

AwesomePan · 29/05/2011 19:09

Poor man. Poor, oppressed man. Hope you're proud now.

inkyfingers · 29/05/2011 19:10

YABU! Give him an hour to take all the pix he wants and meet you at car/cafe. You wander round looking at all the other stuff. Have you asked him why he takes them? What he does with them? My DH is always taking pics and has just had some snow scenes printed up for Xmas cards . Soooo organised!

You could sell his rhodo pics as cards on MN.

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