to wonder why a lot of parents seem to use playbarns as childminders

[wowwowwubbzywubbzywubbzywowwow]

I'm perfectly willing to accept if IABU as I am, by my own admission, quite an overcautious parent but I am shocked everytime I go to playbarns to see toddlers who are only just walking whose parents are nowhere to be seen. I know that they are unlikely to hurt themselves but I've seen lots of scenarios were a parent would have been handy such as a baby who could get into the ballpool but not out who was very distressed until me and another parent helped her out - she was still wandering around the playframe crying 10 mins later when I approached a member of staff to try and find out who was with her - her mum was outside smoking. I've seen little kids getting picked on by older ones and little kids running out of the fire escape out onto the road when an older child opened the door. Was I being unreasonable following dd around like a 'helicopter parent' until she was at least 2 and even now that she's 3 making sure I watch her from the bottom rather than getting engrossed in a book/magazine?

[wowwowwubbzywubbzywubbzywowwow]

play barn round these parts sm

[scottishmummy]

agree some softplay are rough with cavernous structures and pallid inhabitants

[youngjoly]

No, I'm not complaining Wow. You asked the question AIBU "following dd around like a 'helicopter parent' until she was at least 2 ..." and I'm answering Yes YABU, because you are being naive / unrealistic as to the reality of having two or more children at two very different ages - a point that Ishani, Bidi, and lljkk have also made.

I'm not suggesting total freedom / no supervision whatsoever, but what I am saying is when you have two children of different ages, in different places then it is not realistic to be, as you put it, "a helicopter parent".

It is very easy to be idealistic and say that you will only do activities that occupy both children / keep a close eye on both children when they're 1 and 3. After all, you can easily put your 1 year old in a buggy, and know that they're safe. What's more, you don't have your 3 year old insisting that you go to the art gallery whilst your 1 year old insists on going to the museum. The reality is your 1 year old doesn't have an opinion yet, and so you probably do what your 3 year old wants to do, so long as you can manage it with a one year old in tow. At least that was my reality, and a lovely reality it was too...

... But then the baby grows up.

My girls are nearly 8 and 4 with very different levels of concentration, ability, interests and stamina. Neither is old enough to be left completely unsupervised in public places, but soft play is designed to be a place where children can play safely and is somewhere, as you put it yourself, "they are unlikely to hurt themselves". At my soft play, there are staff on the door ensuring that they don't leave without their parents (signed in and out), there's usually one member of staff wandering around, ensuring the children are in the right area, and intervening if they're up to no good. Your suggestion that we should "helicopter parent" the younger child would have meant that when DD2 was 2/3, I should have completely ignored the needs of my then 5/6 year old. Or that my 5/6 year old should never have been allowed to go to the soft play after school with her friends. You seem to be suggesting that she should have been excluded from all of her friends' gatherings because she had a younger sister. Neither option seems particularly fair on the elder child to me.

You say to avoid soft play altogether then, but that's just madness as by your own admission at soft play "they are unlikely to hurt themselves" - it is a safer environment. Take for example the main park in town - they have two play sections - one for older children and one for younger children. Invariably my two children go running off in different directions - are you suggesting I must also stop going to the local park too? I could go through your other list of activities and explain the difficulties (and cost) in trying to entertain an 8 and a 4 year old with these activities on a wet summer (although, I admit if we have a dry summer and the children can go out to play, it'll be much easier). But I guess you'll find that out for yourself one day. Until then, by all means - go on and be idealistic, its much easier said than done!