to wonder why a lot of parents seem to use playbarns as childminders

[wowwowwubbzywubbzywubbzywowwow]

I'm perfectly willing to accept if IABU as I am, by my own admission, quite an overcautious parent but I am shocked everytime I go to playbarns to see toddlers who are only just walking whose parents are nowhere to be seen. I know that they are unlikely to hurt themselves but I've seen lots of scenarios were a parent would have been handy such as a baby who could get into the ballpool but not out who was very distressed until me and another parent helped her out - she was still wandering around the playframe crying 10 mins later when I approached a member of staff to try and find out who was with her - her mum was outside smoking. I've seen little kids getting picked on by older ones and little kids running out of the fire escape out onto the road when an older child opened the door. Was I being unreasonable following dd around like a 'helicopter parent' until she was at least 2 and even now that she's 3 making sure I watch her from the bottom rather than getting engrossed in a book/magazine?

Jeremykylespetproject - head over heels is my local one too. It is nice but so bloody expensive. They must be raking it in.

I also feel very nervous in soft play places but the kids do enjoy them.

YANBU. 2 years or so ago I took my nephew, aged 22 months, to a soft play place and was shocked that I was the only adult who stayed with my child and made sure he was OK. We went on a school day, so all the children there were 4 or under, and there were about 3 that looked younger than my nephew.

While I was there I had to physically help a couple of babies out of places they had got into but couldn't get out of (such as the ball pool) otherwise they would have fallen onto their faces. Their parents were nowhere to be seen. I also had to stop one little boy from hitting another child, my nephew and another little one from throwing balls from the ball pool at people, and had to stop a little girl before she launched herself at my nephew because he dared to go near a toy she deemed was hers. Any time he went near she screeched at him, and when she left it and had been away for a few minutes he approached it and she came flying back screaming, and would have hit him if I hadn't got there first.

I just don't see how children can learn social skills unless an adult is there for the first few years to teach them to them. If I wasn't there teaching my nephew not to throw balls from the ball pit at other children what would happen? He would carry on until one day he got thumped by a bigger kid? Then perhaps he would learn that big kids can thump little ones if they want, as no adults are there to stop them.

He's now nearly 4 and I feel like I shouldn't have to watch him like a hawk if I take him out, but I do, because I know he is taken to soft play by his parents and allowed to do whatever he likes. His mum won't believe it if other parents tell her he has done something to their child, but when I last took him out he pulled a boy off the steps to the slide by his foot, then leapt on a smaller todder and almost strangled him. I think that if he had been watched a bit more closely, and taught appropriate behaviour at these places, then by now he would know how to behave.

YANBU.

Against my better judgement, I allowed another parent to look after my dd1 in a play centre. Dd1 was amongst a group of 20 children who were brought along, so there was a 1 adult to 5 children ratio supervision wise. This was the first (and now last) time I had done this.

My dd1 had an awful time, as one boy in particular kept hitting and punching her, again and again and dd1 had to seek refuge with the members of staff on more than one occasion.

This was reported to me by a member of staff, when I came to pick up dd1. This was later confirmed by my dd1. When I repeated to the parent who was suppose to look after dd1 what the member of staff and dd1 had told me, she admited that it did all happen and that she had tried her best.

I will never, ever again allow my children to play in those places again unless I am there to personally supervise. I am forever grateful to the members of staff who helped my daughter, even though it was not part of their job to do so. I did a lot of grovelling to the staff and I will forever be grateful to them.

I agree lljkk. If you insist on always being able to watch your children at the same time, you'd never leave the house. At least at soft play, you know the environment is safe, the children are counted in and out, and there's staff around to help you. But I'd love to know what the OP thinks mothers of 3 or more do! Surely by this thinking, they most definitely should never leave the house!

That said, wouldn't do what Flying start did either. There's a reason why nurseries / childminders have ratios of 1:3 for small children. I guess Flying found that one out.

My (just turned) 3yo DS was beaten up at a softplay centre last week.

I was watching him on the upper level when he suddenly cowered into a corner and started screaming 'Don't hurt me, don't hurt me' at a slightly bigger boy. I thought the bigger boy would walk past DS. Instead he stopped and punched DS in the stomach, and again, and again. I'm running, trying to get as close as possible and DS is still crying 'don't hurt me'. The boy raised his hand to hit DS on the head - I projected in my best, loudest, deepest and most carrying voice 'I can see you'.

The boy looked at me in horror and ran off. I had to try and talk DS down and reassure him. It was over in seconds - seemed to take ages for me to be able to stop it though.

The boy's mother was nowhere in sight - I never managed to spot who was actually meant to be caring for him.

P.S. meant to add that the reason DS was cowering and crying before being hit, was that it tuens out the boy had already punched him in one of the more hidden corners of the play area...DS being the trooper he is had carried on playing...until he saw the bully approaching him again.

Piprabbit - the mother was probably helicopter parenting the young sibling

Possibly....

Or in the queue for a coffee....

Or outside having a fag

Yikes piprabbit that is horrible! Hope your DS is okay.

I fucking hate playbarns. Our local one is just way too easy to escape from.

DS is fine - not sure I can face going back anytime soon , which is a shame as I've been going to the same place since my 7yo DD was born.

I think they use them because it would be a very foolhardy elderly lady who would navigate a 'ball pool' or ladder to squish the hands or feet of an unsuspecting toddler... also, the parent, being attentive and at the ready, can immediately leap into action to wrestle any such person to the floor, foiling their squishy-plans at the pass...

Well I keep an eye on my 2 young children at all times and guess what I manage to leave the house. The only place I don't take them on my own that has been mentioned, aside from soft play, is swimming because the pool rules sat that non swimmers have to have a 1:1 parent/child ratio (quite right in my view I wouldn't be comfortable with a 1 and 3 yr old on my own).
Of course I go to the shops - ds would be in his pushchair and dd at my side, the park is fine too it's relatively easy to keep an eye on 2 when there both on one level.
For the parents who let very little kids go around completely unsupervised I'm afraid I am shocked. I don't consider allowing babies (and this is what some of them are) to get trapped in equipment, run out into the road or be verbally abused and hit by older children to be character building. And what if your children are hitting other kids while you're buried in a book? Is that fine too?

yanbu - little ones DO need watching and those who are being sarky about that need to think a bit more about how they parent if they think it is wrong!

But WOW, what about mothers of 3? or even more? It is so much harder to keep your eye on several children at once. Are mothers of 3/4 not to use soft play?

In my experience though, mums get so wrapped up on keeping an eye on their little ones, that it is the older ones that are left to wreck havoc... When you have a bigger age gap, you can have children in two separate areas (for example, my local soft play, has an area strictly under 4 and under and over 5s) These are two distinct areas (around the corner). Which child do I keep an eye on? The older or the younger child? Trust me, sometimes the politics of older children can need just as much help as younger children. Should I stay and watch the younger child at all times and completely ignore the needs of my older child (who is not allowed in the younger section)? Is that really what you're proposing?

Or should I just never go to soft play at all?

Well tbh if you have 3 or more children they're not all going to be that young - unless they are triplets and no way would I take 3 1 yr olds to a playbarn on my own. The ones I go to the smaller kids are allowed in the bigger are if they are accompanied so I would probably do that if I went alone but I accept that if I am on my own with 2 kids (or more) then there are some places I can't keep an eye on them and avoid those places - there are plenty of places to go where you can watch both your kids. I'm sure you would accept that you couldn't take 2 babies swimming so why the need to go to soft play if you can't watch your kids properly? Are you saying that if your younger child gets hit and wanders round screaming and unable to find you then that's OK cos otherwise you wouldn't be able to go?

No, I just think you're perhaps being a bit naive in thinking that because children are older, they don't need you, or that you should just look after the younger one.

Where I live, all the soft plays are very strict on not letting the older ones in the younger sections. Therefore, if I want to be there for my eldest, I have to divide my time.

Remember there is a big difference between a 5 year old and a 10 year old. I have seen some real bullying going on in the bigger sections of these soft play places, we can't just assume that because the children are older, they can be left to themselves. Older children do get hit too. They do also scream and cry too. It is not the prerogative of younger children.

I find that I end up dividing my time between both my daughters - keeping an eye on both. Yes that does mean that sometimes I leave my younger child playing happily whilst I go to check on my elder daughter. Its the only practical thing to do.

And not, I'm not saying it is okay for the younger child to get hit... Its not okay for any child to get hit and yes, I do want to be there when my child gets hit. But I want to be there for both of them, whether its the eldest or the youngest. But the reality is when you have two children of different ages, and they're not allowed in the same areas - then you have to split your time. You do need to be realistic about this.

And as you suggest going elsewhere - what activities do you suggest to fill a summer holidays that will keep children of three different ages all occupied and in the same place at the same time, yet remain affordable...?

Incidentally, I don't justify the smoking (very obviously wrong imho)... but I also think if the parents in your original scenario were keeping a closer eye on their older children, then the younger ones would not have been put at risk.

If you read my post I said that if I felt I needed to go to soft play on my own I would accompany my youngest onto the large playframe supervising both so I wouldn't be assuming the elder one didn't need supervising??
You say you leave your younger one 'happily playing' but how do you know they're going to stay that way if you're not watching them?
The reality isn't that you HAVE to split your time - you choose to split your time because you choose to go. There are people on here who have said they hate soft play and never go - there are plenty of other things to do. I'll have the kids on my own for the summer and I'll go to different parks, on the train to the nearest city, museums, art galleries, libraries, ferry trips and maybe even the odd day in the' garden - most of the things we do will be free. Fair enough if you choose to go to soft play on your own with multiple kids and you think it's fine to leave them on their own but don't make out that you have no choice in the matter.

Wow,

You really don't get the reality of having children of different ages do you..?

You can tell, just by your suggestions... I guess you must have two younger children? Close in age?

BTW, in our play centre adults are not allowed on the frame - hence the strict age rules.

Erm I have children of different ages???
My children are 1 and 3 and when they are older I will still supervise them when I need to and if a place isn't suitable for the ages of my kids and the supervision needed I will go somewhere else. Simple.

Right, so what you're suggesting is that you will only do things that are suitable for both children? Easy at 1 and 3, not so easy when they're older.

So if I read this correctly, and I must only do things that my younger child is capable of (so that they can be in the same place at the same time)... that means that my eldest child must always be restricted to the activities suited for a child half her age (her younger sister). This means that over the summer holiday, my eldest child cannot do anything age appropriate for her, because she cannot be left alone must always be restricted by the limitations of her younger sister. Is that really fair on the eldest child?

How old are your kids? Either they need supervising or they don't. If they do then don't choose take them somewhere you can't supervise them and then complain that you can't.

Sometimes you do have to compromise if you have more than one child. There's a lot of things dd would love to do that aren't suitable for a one year old so when I'm on my own with them both we can't do them - it's not unfair it's just life.

Your last post lost me a bit. If you think your older choild is old enough to do stuff on her own then why would she have to be restricted? Doesn't seem to have a lot to do with the OP tbh.

play barn.what an odd oxymoron
is this soft play by any other name?