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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my MIL to visit so often?

47 replies

workinggally · 26/05/2011 16:22

It's her first gc and she wants to visit really often at first it was say twice a week, then weekly, now a few times a month. She stays ages. I've never got on with her. But I want my own mother round because he is really helpful and gives me a break but my partner thinks there should be some sort of "equal access for grandparents" thing. I'm sure if she had other gc she would be like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
workinggally · 26/05/2011 16:23

I mean: I'm sure if she had other gc she wouldn't be like this.

OP posts:
MonstaMunch · 26/05/2011 16:25

agree with your OH, a few times a month is hardly overdoing it

Nixea · 26/05/2011 16:26

Plus she might bring dreaded germs, frown when you change the kids nappy for the 10th time that day and allow your kid on a slide. Hmm

Seriously, do you really have all these issues you keep posting about or are you just incredible bored because you start all these threads and then abandon them as soon as anyone tries to reason with you?

Original poster
workinggally · 26/05/2011 16:27

But if it is at the weekend and takes the whole day?

OP posts:
Mumofaflump · 26/05/2011 16:28

Crikey. You are worried by a lot of things.

A few times a month is not overdoing it. Just think, if you have a son and he has a child one day will you want to be less important than the maternal grandmother?

Original poster
workinggally · 26/05/2011 16:29

Nixea - you are a bit agressive. I will just namechange then.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 26/05/2011 16:30

She is not a second best grandma
so YABU

Mumofaflump · 26/05/2011 16:31

Also, my MIL lives 100 odd miles away and cones for the whole weekend, takes over my house, re-arranges my stuff and generally pokes her beak in where it is not wanted. I do have sympathy. However, she has just as much right to see her son/grandson as my mum so for that reason I put up and shut up.

fedupofnamechanging · 26/05/2011 16:33

I have asked my MIl to visit on Fridays as this is the day which suits us the most. Like yours, mine used to visit on a weekend and stay all day and I found myself really resenting this. It is okay to ask people to time their visits for a time that suits you.

Wrt your DH, I told mine that if my mum visits, then I am the one who will be entertaining her. I don't expect my husband to spend hours with my mum. By the same token, if he wants his mum to visit, then I expect him to be around to talk to her and entertain her. I'm not prepared to spend hours each week with someone that I don't particularly feel the need to see.

Tell your DH that the endless weekend visits are getting you down, that you want to reclaim this time for yourselves and get his mum to visit at a time that suits you. You are under no obligation to suit others at the expense of what you want, just because you now have a baby.

MollyMurphy · 26/05/2011 16:34

Well I'd give her one whole weekend day a month - as long as she likes, then avail yourself to drop by her place with your LO for lunch an afternoon or two (or dinner if you work) - thats not too much and when you go there....you can set the boundaries of when you have to leave better. You could also have her round on a Saturday but set the boundaries up front by advising you have other plans at such and such a time.

My own mother saw us twice last week and still moaned that we didn't come over on the weekend....I feel weekend time is short and precious so I am a bit stingy with it, but then I try to be generous with other days.

MollyMurphy · 26/05/2011 16:36

I agree with karmabelievers post - good advice.

ashamedandconfused · 26/05/2011 16:39

I have often thought of writing a thread with this title!

But a couple of times a month?? YABVU - mine is creeping up from once a fortnight its now 2-3 times a week! She goes all mournful if we dont see her for 10 days and doesn't seem to remember my own parents live 200 miles away and see the kids only about 5 times a year!

But she is a great MIL - i just wish we had more time for just me and DH

upahill · 26/05/2011 16:42

I've been looking on the threads you have started over the past week or so workinggally. I think you really do need to relax a bit or you will go mad when you do have something serious to worry about.

Original poster
workinggally · 26/05/2011 16:51

upahill - don't worry this is my last thread under this username. however I am a bit surprised at the number of people who search through threads that particular people have been on - seems a bit odd and stalkerish.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 26/05/2011 16:57

So she comes a couple of times a month and you complain? I think you are being unreasonable, of course she is coming for the day, be a bit more gracious.

upahill · 26/05/2011 16:58

I wasn't worrying in a Confused way.

Just read my thread back and it does sound harsh.

Please try and relax about your MIL. I felt like this about mine and when DS was 10 months old she died. He asks me loads of questiond about her. Looking back I really wish I made a bigger effort and I did push her out, I am ashamed to say, and did favour my mum.
As the years have past I realised how much wisdom and knowledge she did have.

I only looked at your other post because someone else mentioned it - call it research!! sorry if I offended.

honeybee007 · 26/05/2011 17:01

Gally I think name changing wont help you, you're posts will still obviously you.

honeybee007 · 26/05/2011 17:02

You're should be your (stupid auto correct on my phone)

MerylStrop · 26/05/2011 17:10

I would use it as a day when you can get on with stuff/go out by yourself whilst DH and MIL look after the baby.

I agree with the "equal access for grandparents" thing. I also agree with the equal effort by husbands to entertain their mothers thing.

QueenCee · 26/05/2011 17:13

Workinggally! You're back! I hope this thread provides as much entertainment as the whole sterilised toy one!!!

honeybee007 · 26/05/2011 17:18

Queen that's what I'm hoping for too!

Also have you noticed her ds has been aged 6month on one thread and 8months on another?both posted in may??

QueenCee · 26/05/2011 17:20

Oooo HoneyBee... Do you smell Troll???

MollyMurphy · 26/05/2011 17:23

I don't get it.....how do you see people's old threads? When I click on someones name nothing happens.....I sense I might be the problem Blush

honeybee007 · 26/05/2011 17:26

I think I do....I mean my dd is 16 months and I sometimes forget and say she's 15 months but before she turned one I always knew how many months she actually was and I suffer a very frazzled brain now she's mobile and eating germy toys or snogging the cat.....must try the sterilise cat suggestions off the other thread.....

honeybee007 · 26/05/2011 17:27

Molly put the name in the search bar....I only did because others had mentioned similar thing and I wanted to see for myself before jumping to conclusions. I only figured it out today too Blush