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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to keep the room to myself until my baby arrives?

35 replies

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 14:23

My first baby is due in October and I am already doing up a nursery for them with nice white walls and coffee coloured carpet. Also I'm going to get new curtains. It's a nice little project - all the baby stuff is going in that room.

The problem is that DP's brother and his family are coming to stay in August with their three kids who are all under 5 (one being a new baby). Our house is tiny and we are basically going to have to move out to an outhouse in the garden so that they can have the run of the house.

I can see them wanting to use the new baby's room, before I have used it for my new baby.... AIBU to feel like I want to keep it for my new baby to use first?

To add inslt to injury, in a phone conversation the other day, DP's brother made some what I felt were quite nasty comments in a jokey, joccular way... he said 'have u got a bump yet'... I said 'no, I'm just a bit fatter' and he said, 'nothing new then'. He also joked I was 5 years older than I looked. In a separate coversation with DP, DP told me he had said to him 'are you doing the right ting, I see lots of dysfunctional, single-parent' families from council houses in my role as a teacher'... WTF? For the record, we are not living in a council house or SPs, but so was if I was / we were??

I'm starting to dread their visit, but also don't want to seem aloof and hostile...

Help!!!

OP posts:

KnobCheese · 26/05/2011 14:25

this goes deeper than just the 'using of the baby room' You don't get along with them. Can they not stay locally somewhere if you really don't want them in the house?

aldiwhore · 26/05/2011 14:27

Why can't they stay in a travelodge? I wouldn't move out of my house to accomodate my BIL and 3 kids... but if I did, I'd let them use the nursery, I just wouldn't do anymore work on it until after they'd been. I'd empty it of anything interesting and just put 3 kid sized sleeping bags (those inflatible bed in a bag things) and buy myself a magic eraser for the walls for when they leave.

The comments seem lame and done in a jokey way although I don't understand the council house bit?? He sounds a bit of a knobber, but meh, not worth getting cross with, get even, mock him with a sweet smile...

Al0uiseG · 26/05/2011 14:28

Why should you move into an outhouse to give them the run of the house? Are you running an Hotel? Send them to the local Travelodge and invite them for dinner one evening. They sound horrible.

Also put a huge lock on the babys room and tape it up like CSI so they get the message.

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 14:28

KC they've got no money so I don't think they would consider it. They are almost using us as a bit of a free holiday I think.

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 26/05/2011 14:29

Why can't they stay in the outhouse?

Al0uiseG · 26/05/2011 14:29

Why should you fork out to house them then? its your bills, your food, your wear and tear!

Tent in the garden for Bil and family i think.

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 14:33

Hmmm, thanks for these comments... I could use the 'I'm 7 months pregnant and have to pee all the time' and would you mind using the summer house argument....

Or I could just bugger off to my mums for the week - but would that look anti-social?

I have three dogs in the garden too, so will be on edge if they're lolling arounf with the kids unsupervised....

OP posts:

saffy85 · 26/05/2011 14:35

Eh? You're moving out to give them free reign of your house while they stay? Hope you bloody invoice them for use of your hotel!

Can you lock the room if you don't want anyone to go in there?

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/05/2011 14:35

Mixed feelings here... Firstly you're only about 20 weeks so they might reasonably think that you're not going to be starting decorating a nursery yet.... Particularly as it is recommended that your DC sleeps in the same room as you until it's 6 months old - so you've got about 10 months to go before you 'need' a nursery.... FWIW DS slept in with us until 13 months...

However... Secondly I don't think they should be expecting you as a pg woman to give up your bed... presumiably you're not on a proper bed in your outhouse? And presumiably your outhouse doesn't have a bathroom.... I can imagine a situation where you might be needing to get up to the loo 2 or 3 times a night by then which is going to be a trek in to the house....

Perhaps you need to think about the practicalities of the whole plan....?

And Congratulations and Good Luck btw :)

Flisspaps · 26/05/2011 14:36

You shouldn't have to leave your house, whether it be the outhouse or your mum's, at any time, but certainly not at 7 months pregnant.

Also, they should be responsible for supervising their children in the garden if the dogs are about. This is your home, not a holiday lodge.

minipie · 26/05/2011 14:36

Not sure why you would be moving to the outhouse? It's your house!

It sounds like you don't really want them to come and stay at all. If that's the case, then the best thing really is for you to cancel. Maybe say you're feeling terrible with the pregnancy and can't cope with visitors ... ?

ShoutyHamster · 26/05/2011 14:38

What? You'll be heavily pregnant and will have to move out of your house into the outhouse so that your rather tactless BIL can have a free holiday with his entire family?

Time to develop a few pregnancy-related issues which mean that you will need a lot of bedrest, and a lot of peace and quiet come August. Put them off BIG TIME. And next time, field any suggestions that they all descend on you with lots of excuses, or an offer of the outhouse and a big tent. Look simply AMAZED at any hint that you should move out to accommodate them.

razzlebathbone · 26/05/2011 14:41

You'll be seven months pregnant and they are expecting you to sleep in the SHED so they can move in?!

No, no, no. No.

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 14:42

Loving these answers thank you... shouty that's inspired... I'm going to have to chat to DP about this, obvioulsy it's his brother so I'm going to have to tread carefully / deviously!

The other thing the BIL said was, 'we're visiting you now because once you've got a baby it'll be chaos and we won't visit', yet he's bringing 3 under the age of five!!!

OP posts:

SenoritaViva · 26/05/2011 14:43

OK, I think you might have to share some of your baby's nursery when they come and stay but agree with others that you should put the finishing touches on it after they have gone. There will still be time. I would say your hormones are being protective, I don't think it is unreasonable to feel the way that you do but perhaps ungenerous not to offer it, but if there isn't room for them anyway see below. (You may need to offer baby's room for their baby's day time sleep, for instance).

However, like others I see no reason for you to move. They can have the outhouse, you say it's a summer house so it sounds quite nice. if you put a little effort in (small bunch of flowers or something) and make it look a little homely then they will see they haven't been ousted out there. Plus a tent or two for the kids.

Do use the fact that you are 7 months pregnant and need to pee as an excuse. not just that but actually you need comfort etc.

It is not really your responsibility to worry about the dogs and their kids, you can be accommodating but in the end the kids are their responsibility.

Ivegotmrbitey · 26/05/2011 14:44

YANBU at all, agree you should cancel.

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 14:45

knitter we're just doing it now cause it needs doing anyway - and even if I'm not using it in the nights it's a place to store all baby paraphenalia and use in the day for changes etc... Also, may be too big and or tired to do it later on

OP posts:

Ivegotmrbitey · 26/05/2011 14:47

Also, I am seven months pregnant now and my baby's room is FULL of cardboard boxes and bags. I can't even get in there at the moment and suggest you do the same!

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/05/2011 14:52

I am gobsmacked that your BIL/SIL do not have a problem with ejecting a 7-months-pregnant woman from her bed. Nor, apparently your DP.

Lancelottie · 26/05/2011 14:55

This is far too supportive a thread to mention that I slept in a tent at 7 months pregnant and found it comfier than the bed... isn't it?

Yup, I thought so.

Hats off for the practical coffee-coloured approach to nursery decor btw. Much zombie-like spilling of fluids has been know in sleep-deprived state.

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 15:14

ivegot - boxes, boxes and more boxes. Great plan. Lanc I guess I wouldn't find sleeping in he SH impossible, a tent either, it's more the principle of BIL saying 'you can move out to the SH and we can have your room' (just because we did it for DPs SIL, but I wasn't pregnant then, and we had bunkbeds in the spare room which are now in the loft. Oh yeah, went for dappled coffee coloured, with stain protection and ability to bleach if needs be! Also plan to have a water birth in that room!

OP posts:

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/05/2011 15:35

lights I've always had a problem with changing nappies in the babies bedroom - personal thing I know. We got my FIL to make a board that went over the bath and did all DS's changes on there... Definitely appreciated it when the inevitable explosive poos happened mid change... I have a friend whose baby managed to shit on them, the carpet, wall, curtains and ceiling during one change... tiles are much easier to wipe clean! We kept all our nappy paraphanalia in there - for us it was bucket for the washables and then the night-time disposables went in the bin... didn't like the idea of storing pooey nappies in the bedroom either.... Just a thought...

Coffee coloured carpet is a good idea though - we went for grey - another nice and neutral colour.... goes with everything that we got given for DS's room... One friend wanted a nice bright stimulating room for their DD and painted one wall each of red, blue, green and yellow... then they wondered why the poor thing couldn't sleep!

Another good thing for the nursery is a blackout blind - worth getting instead of curtains if you can't afford both...

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/05/2011 15:36

And re: water birth assuming the room is upstairs i think you'll find you have to set up the water birth in a downstairs room - when full of water they're VERY heavy... check the instructions/with your midwife...

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 15:42

knitter it's a bungalow so the room is downstairs right next to the bathroom and taps. Good tips re changing... I have all this to learn!

OP posts:

Dozer · 26/05/2011 15:45

Think you are being a bit of a martyr. You don't have to move to an outhouse or even have them to stay at all. They sound a pain, but if you don't want them to come, just sort it out with DP and get him to tell them it's not convenient. This wouldn't be unreasonable.

If you do agree to guests coming, then yabu to save the nursery for the baby, the baby does not yet need a room and unless they are particularly destructive guests it'll still be fine when they go.

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