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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to keep the room to myself until my baby arrives?

35 replies

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 14:23

My first baby is due in October and I am already doing up a nursery for them with nice white walls and coffee coloured carpet. Also I'm going to get new curtains. It's a nice little project - all the baby stuff is going in that room.

The problem is that DP's brother and his family are coming to stay in August with their three kids who are all under 5 (one being a new baby). Our house is tiny and we are basically going to have to move out to an outhouse in the garden so that they can have the run of the house.

I can see them wanting to use the new baby's room, before I have used it for my new baby.... AIBU to feel like I want to keep it for my new baby to use first?

To add inslt to injury, in a phone conversation the other day, DP's brother made some what I felt were quite nasty comments in a jokey, joccular way... he said 'have u got a bump yet'... I said 'no, I'm just a bit fatter' and he said, 'nothing new then'. He also joked I was 5 years older than I looked. In a separate coversation with DP, DP told me he had said to him 'are you doing the right ting, I see lots of dysfunctional, single-parent' families from council houses in my role as a teacher'... WTF? For the record, we are not living in a council house or SPs, but so was if I was / we were??

I'm starting to dread their visit, but also don't want to seem aloof and hostile...

Help!!!

OP posts:

LadyOfTheManor · 26/05/2011 15:47

I'd just say there's no room at the inn.

But we have an outhouse and there's a travel lodge x miles away.

You're not a free holiday destination, and you shouldn't be put out if you don't want to be.

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/05/2011 15:47

phew - had visions of your waterbath suddenly landing in your dining room...!

It is a weird lot of stuff to learn/discover... I had quite clear ideas of what life was going to be like and what I was going to do with all the free time I'd have... pah and hah! As long as you listen to your baby and your instincts more than other people and you'l be fine :-)

Gingefringe · 26/05/2011 16:01

Why are they coming to stay with you? Did you invite them?
You'll be 7 month pg at the time - so will you be expected to run around for them or will they pull their weight with mealtimes/clearing up etc?
Sounds a bit of a nightmare to me. Definitely play the pregnant card.

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 16:07

ginge they kind of invited themselves. It would be less problematic if it was not DPs family. But, yes I think I will have to play the PG card.

What do folks think I should do if they do stay (in SH or wherever) and he comes out with his jokey yet undermining comments... I'm not very good at 'giving it back' - I was brought up to polite.... but also can't be arsed putting up and shutting up....

OP posts:

nocake · 26/05/2011 16:18

I would make sure the baby's room is still unfinished so it can't be used.

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/05/2011 16:19

Re the comments: I'd tackle them as they come up with the line 'what do you mean by that?'... gives him a chance to clarify/be polite but also shows that you're not necessarily finding him funny...

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 18:55

Thanks knitter I will remember that comment... geesh, I am stressed just thinking about it. My DP said he knows what I mean re his comments and he doesn't like it either. He said he feels his BIL has seemed to undermine all my DPs relationships in one way or another. Nice guy eh?

OP posts:

ChaoticAngelbitchfromhell · 26/05/2011 20:27

YANBU I wouldn't be giving up my bed for anyone at 7 months pregnant. In fact with this BIL I wouldn't give up my bed at all

"That sounded rude. Did you mean to be rude?" may be another one you could use. Not mine btw, something I've seen suggested on here.

thisisyesterday · 26/05/2011 20:29

well,,,, i really don't see why you should have to stay in an outhouse and give your own room to them

but personally i wouldn't have a problem with them using the potential nursery to be honest.
you'll have time to do the nursery up AFTER their visit... until then it really is just a room

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 26/05/2011 20:44

If you do the nursery up after their visit(finishing touches etc. It will still be new...

As for the who stays wher business, I imagine that with three under 5 where ever they wleep they will want to be fairly close to them, night waking , nightmare, night feeds for the baby so on the generous side I can see why the bedroom was suggested as an idea.

However, do you have a lounge or dining room that they could stay in (matress on the floor) with a baby monitor (I imagine they could bring one with them) which would save the hassle of a tent (especially if you they don't have one).

As for the comments for the sarcastic ones as before just let him know you don't find them funny, my BIL wanted to have a jokey / matey relationship with me and did push my limits sometimes but I don't think he had the social skills to alter his behaviour from being with "his mates" or his brothers, so give him the benifit of the doubt... I do think you're being harsh on him about the comment about not visiting, he knows what having a small baby is like ( and possibly remembers that.. particiularly the first time) he was possibly actually being reasonably understanding with that.

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