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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be concerned when strangers touch my baby?

83 replies

workinggally · 26/05/2011 12:36

when he's in the pram out and about they come up and admire him (which is ok). But often they touch his feet and hands as well and even the face!! Should I stop them? Someone wanted to pick him up!

OP posts:
IprivateI · 27/05/2011 17:27

Once a woman came along and tried to touch my niece's head and "pray" for her Hmm..then she started going on about Jesus or something, and my sister screamed NOOOO and pulled her away in the pushchair. In those types of wacky circumstances, there's nothing wrong in pulling a child away, but when they just want to say hello then I don't see what the problem is. A quick wipe with a baby wipe.

usualsuspect · 27/05/2011 17:29
usualsuspect · 27/05/2011 17:30

sdfhjytkighyxsercgtyruygt

Pagwatch · 27/05/2011 17:32

People are as weird as all fuck.

Jemma1111 · 27/05/2011 17:34

Grin at usualsuspect

activate · 27/05/2011 17:36

yes you're unreasonable - but you are in good company there are many weird new parents out there who will agree with you

NellieForbush · 27/05/2011 17:43

You are not weird YANBU.

And there are plenty of people who will agree with you who aren't weird or new parents.

In 6 months your baby will be crawling round licking the pram wheels and let strangers know if she doesn't like them. For now you can protect her from strangers with dirty hands stroking her face as you see fit. Eg "Please don't touch her".

exoticfruits · 27/05/2011 17:44

Have a notice like the zoo! Do not touch!

exoticfruits · 27/05/2011 17:46

I'm sure that if you see tramps etc you can give a wide berth-is it really too much to let an elderly person, who lives alone and may not speak to anyone all day, touch a foot?

TakeItOnTheChins · 27/05/2011 17:56

LOL @ exoticfruits fictional, lonely, friendless elderly person.

A foot would be fine, but mostly, these sweet little old people - whose whole day is filled with sunshine just by touching a baby's sock - tend to want to touch faces, and hands.

Pagwatch · 27/05/2011 17:59

Normal, affectionate human contact is a gift - a thing of joy and comfort. A means by which we express our humanity, our connection with each other, our empathy and kindness, our ability to love and hold and treasure.

Separating your child from that is bizarre.

Children with autism often cannot bear to be touched and that lack of contact is the source of great sadness amongst those who love them..
Children in difficult social circumstances can struggle to create meaningful circumstance if they are denied that experience of spontaneous tenderness.

The desire to touch a child is a natural instinct because it is good for them, for their emotional development.

That is why whining about it and being more concerned about germs is weird. And very bad for your baby.

But by all means tell people to fuck off.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/05/2011 18:01

There are umpteen threads where posters remind themselves that nobody but the parent is interested in their baby/child(ren), and yet there are threads like this where a parent complains at the 'over-interest'. It's a bit of a paradox, isn't it. Confused

I have a theory that posters who post threads like this don't actually get that many people coming up to admire their babies, let alone wanting to touch them. I wouldn't touch anybody's baby, partly because some derranged parents are liable to zap me with a cattle prod if I so much as glance in their precious snotty bundle's direction, but mostly... because I really am not interested in them.

RL interactions with people are not generally so fraught, surely?

exoticfruits · 27/05/2011 18:04

The vast majority of elderly people live alone, where is the harm in brightening their day? I used to take my babies with me to visit elderly relatives in care homes. I carried them around and people touched, they loved it and so did the baby.
I still think your baby will tell you, loud and clear, if they don't like it. The baby and the person are generally fine-it is mother who has the problem!
I now take my dog-it gives so much pleasure.
People are very mean.

babybythesea · 27/05/2011 18:05

Sorry - another one who doesn't really get it. I was quite happy for people to grin at, and stroke the feet of, my newborn. I rarely found anyone wanted to touch her face but I didn't mind. In fact I felt a little bit put out if they didn't seem to be interested. 'Hey - what's wrong with my tiny infant? Admire her. Go on. ADMIRE HER!!!!' Wink

I'm with you on the picking up though - I never had random strangers asking but it would have been a no. But just touching never bothered me and we didn't suffer serious health issues as a result.

excellentadventure · 27/05/2011 18:21

I'm in the don't-particularly-like-babies camp, so wouldn't normally approach a stranger with a baby. HOWEVER, if circumstances conspire to put me in close proximity, I do find it almost irresistible to stick a finger out for the baby to clutch. There is something fascinating about their tiny fingers n toes.

exoticfruits · 27/05/2011 18:57

You only have to take a baby into a care home and faces light up. It seems very mean to be so unfriendly and say that elderly people who are lonely or friendless are fictional.Hmm (some never get any visitors-how difficult is to show them a baby and let them touch a foot?)

hairfullofsnakes · 27/05/2011 19:33

OP I'm with you on this and when my babies were young I did not like people touching their hands as they always had them in their mouths (the babies that is!) but a lot of people on here get really ARSEY about the fact that many people don't like this. I don't see why people should be sarky with you about this, I don't go around touching little babies hands and would not do it. I like it when people talk to my kids but leave their hands alone! Ignore the bitchy comments on here and do what you feel is best for you :)

PinkSchmoo · 27/05/2011 19:37

Wondering what kind of foot fetishist octogenarian pedophiles inhabit your area?
YABU and a wee bit odd.

G1nger · 27/05/2011 19:44

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think this thread has also inspired the most piss-takey responses I've seen in one place.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/05/2011 20:17

Uh-oh... Hairfullofsnakes... I think we have a temporary parting of the ways. Grin

Some parents Mothers go many steps further than protecting their children and they come across as a bit ridiculous. As parents, it's our job to fit our children to take their place in society, with society accepting our offspring as the valuable members they should be. That old adage, "It takes a village to bring up a child", it's perfectly true. It's no good demanding consideration for your feelings as a Mum if you have no consideration for the feelings of others and in the end, it's the child that misses out.

I agree with the posters who've mentioned the elderly ladies.... I think it's really only them who have a particular fondness for babies, perhaps thinking of their own children. I think it's sad for them to be treated as some kind of torture that must be endured or worse, rejected, but maybe it's a sign of the times. Just remember that one day, hopefully, you'll be old.

Nobody has to let their children be touched if they don't want to, but they don't need to make a performance out of it and they don't need to make the 'toucher' feel as if they've commited some cardinal sin. Be dignified about it, not a hysterical banshee. Your child's a person in its own right, not your possession.

northernrock · 27/05/2011 20:27

Yep. That's me. I am soo broody and have to squish babies chops whenever I get the chance. Gimme!
(Look I am probably not having any more so have a heart..)

exoticfruits · 27/05/2011 20:49

The voice of commonsenseLyingWitch-I'm glad that I'm not the only one who sees a baby as a person and not as a possession. It is a fuss about nothing-if the baby doesn't like it, the baby doesn't put up with it!
(I'm sure that most of the time you can avoid without being rude anyway)

DimplesOHara · 27/05/2011 21:48

Seriously?! I mean come on, who doesn't like having a squidge at a new baby!

DD is almost 8mths and I can't go down the street without people stopping me and having a squidge at her chunky hands, feet, legs! Never go on holiday OP, when in Spain the attention DD was unreal but lovely!

If your posts are true (I've seen a few of them now) you need help because your worries aren't normal, and this comes from a lady with PND & Anxitiy

DimplesOHara · 27/05/2011 21:50

Seriously?! I mean come on, who doesn't like having a squidge at a new baby!

DD is almost 8mths and I can't go down the street without people stopping me and having a squidge at her chunky hands, feet, legs! Never go on holiday OP, when in Spain the attention DD was unreal but lovely!

If your posts are true (I've seen a few of them now) you need help because your worries aren't normal, and this comes from a lady with PND & Anxitiy

DimplesOHara · 27/05/2011 21:54

Oops damn phone!

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