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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this normal for children's parties? Huh?

54 replies

AlistairSim · 25/05/2011 18:30

DD gets invited to lots of parties and I usually try and ask a parent if there is anything their child is particularly into so we can decide on a present.

Recently, we get asked for money.
This feels a bit 'urgh' to me but maybe it's usual and I'm just out of touch?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 25/05/2011 18:31

They could be thinking of you and giving you the easy option of not having to go shopping.

SilveryMoon · 25/05/2011 18:32

Maybe their dc wants something that is quite expensive that they can't afford so want donations?

WowOoo · 25/05/2011 18:33

It's a little bit 'urgh' yes.

Wish I had the nerve to do that for ds' upcoming party.
I'd rather pool money/vouchers and get something he'd really like (£20 ish) than have lots of things he perhaps won't like. Maybe that's her thinking?

I've had an amazon wishlist on invite which has crazy stuff on it, have said we are not going! (Not really a friend of ds'. Phew!)

MumblingRagDoll · 25/05/2011 18:33

I wouldn't like it! It sounds weird. Relatives...fine...kid from school? No!

cornsilks · 25/05/2011 18:34

how old?

bubblecoral · 25/05/2011 18:35

I would agree that they probably want money because there is something big that the child wants that could be expensive. I wouldn't mind doing this at all, and would happily give a fiver in a card with a bag of sweets or something. But don't do it if you don't want to, you should only give something that you are happy with.

SauvignonBlanche · 25/05/2011 18:35

I was shocked the first time my dcs got money but it seems quite common.
I've never been asked for it though.
I even did it myself once when I forgot to buy a present! Blush

Pagwatch · 25/05/2011 18:36

Blurgh.

Original poster
AlistairSim · 25/05/2011 18:37

5, cornsilks.

I think if they were older it wouldn't be a big deal.

OP posts:
Popbiscuit · 25/05/2011 18:38

What Mumbling RagDoll said. That's a bit weird...

cornsilks · 25/05/2011 18:38

5! cheeky feckers

bluebobbin · 25/05/2011 18:51

It depends.

If I am reading this correctly, you asked someone what the child would like and they said money. It is not really the done thing, but I don't suppose it's that bad because you asked what was wanted.

However, if you just got a request for money in the invite, then that's pretty rude, especially for a 5yo's party.

As DS's 4th, one child gave a tenner in an envelope. I just pocketed it! He had plenty of other presents from friends. Nobody gave money at his 5th.

Actually, he has received lots of nice presents from friends. Not expensive stuff, just stuff that maybe I don't usually see or buy so it was quite exciting for him. Children really enjoy little presents at that age and anything unsuitable can be charity shopped or regifted Grin.

fifi25 · 25/05/2011 18:56

I always give money now and i would prefer mine to receive money as a gift. It means they can get what they want instead of ending up with loads of things they dont want. I just wish i had the nerve to say 'money only please' Grin

Original poster
AlistairSim · 25/05/2011 19:02

I can see the practicality of it, not having to take DD out to umm and errr over everything would be a little blessing itself...but...but...I don't know, it just still seems cheeky and don't all 5 year old girls need piles of plastic pink stuff??

OP posts:
bidibidi · 25/05/2011 19:02

I have suggested money because DS is so fussy, impossible to say what he'd like. Most of his pressies last year we had to give away instantly, not his thing at all (sigh).

WowOoo · 25/05/2011 19:03

Bluebobbin - you pocketed it Shock

Reminds me I need to put some cash in ds' account from a cash gift from Christmas.Yikes!

helenthemadex · 25/05/2011 19:04

I think its rude to ask for money especially for such a young child I guess its stops them ending up with loads of shit stuff they wont play with

pantaloons · 25/05/2011 19:08

I suppose it is in the wording a bit. If you ask and get the response of "oh he is saving for x,y and z, so would you mind money please?" It's a lot better than "cash only". Having said that I often associate cash presents with older children rather than 5 year olds.

A friend put my Ds who is 6 some money in this year and he enjoyed picking something for himself with it. Normally he only gets cash from relatives and that goes into his savings.

onebigchocolatemess · 25/05/2011 19:10

would love to have the balls to do it, but dont. Only to grandparents and only if there were an item in mind we were saving for.

Bluebobbin I dont judge you for pocketing the cash. Its swings and roundabouts and I am sure your DCs get bought stuff/ treats etc throughout the year - its called funding Grin

Pagwatch · 25/05/2011 19:13

It is rude to ask for money.
And it sends a horrible lesson to children that the small gifts they get are shit - getting something bigger is better.

worraliberty · 25/05/2011 19:13

I've only ever given money as gifts at kids parties.

I'd hit the fucking roof if I thought the kid's parents stole it Angry

beesimo · 25/05/2011 19:28

It is very rude to ask for money cos how are you then going to recycle all the gifts your DCs got that weren't suitablefor them he he he

CrapBag · 25/05/2011 19:29

I really don't see a problem with giving money for children or weddings and I am at a loss as to why there are so many people who object to it.

My friend always gives a £5 toys r us giftcard. I have no issue with that. DS loves going in and choosing something. He usually has another from SIL and other money and enjoys the freedom of being able to go into a toy shop and have a pick of some things that he wants.

I asked a friend before and she said giftcards as they were going to put them together and get stuff for the DS's trainset. No problem.

fearnelinen · 25/05/2011 19:36

I was going to start a thread on this very subject! I have always been appalled by this money thing, I swear DHs family pass the same 20 quid around year after year!

But my Grandmother has recently asked what to buy DD for her 5th - Sis-in-law has got Granny into the habit of giving HER the money after she calls her from the supermarket to tell her what she is buying them from Granny IYSWIM. I told her in no uncertain terms that I want my children to gratefully receive any heartfelt gift than expect items from a list.

HOWEVER, we are moving this month and I am so saddened by all the toys we are 'regifting' or donating that have never even been unwrapped. They have so much stuff and it is so awful. I am wondering if it would have been better to ask for money and get something they really want rather than fill the house up with more shite heartfelt gifts!

Hullygully · 25/05/2011 19:39

I always say a nice bottle of wine

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