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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this normal for children's parties? Huh?

54 replies

AlistairSim · 25/05/2011 18:30

DD gets invited to lots of parties and I usually try and ask a parent if there is anything their child is particularly into so we can decide on a present.

Recently, we get asked for money.
This feels a bit 'urgh' to me but maybe it's usual and I'm just out of touch?

OP posts:
fifi25 · 25/05/2011 19:41

I also do this with my mam. She asks me to look for something they really want off net, transfers money and i buy the present. They always get what the want. For easter they got pineapple hi-tops which my mam would never have chosen and they had been pestering me for Grin

ShowOfHands · 25/05/2011 19:42

My dd's into earl grey tea and a good book. I've trained her to believe this.

Fimbo · 25/05/2011 19:46

I am off to google pineapple hi-tops the mind boggles! Grin

Hullygully · 25/05/2011 19:46

Mine does like a bit of skunk to go with her wine, I must say

Fimbo · 25/05/2011 19:50

Ahh, those things. My dd wants the Nike ones. I thought it was something to do with hair. In the 80's in the days of perms you used to gather it all up and sit the curls on top of your head it was called a pineapple do.

unfitmother · 25/05/2011 19:56

YANBU, that's not on for a five year old!

diggingintheribs · 25/05/2011 19:56

I think family is different - mine often contribute towards a bigger present.

For parties I never spend more than £5 on a present and I try and get something on sale. So if they ask for cash I'll give them the fiver!

Personally I would rather not get presents from the party anyway as DS gets more than enough from family. I leave it to the parents discretion but if they were to ask I would tell them a present isn't necessary as their prescence is what DS os looking forward to most (which is true!)

However DS starts school in September - is this going to change everything? Are their big political issues?

SauvignonBlanche · 25/05/2011 19:59

I didn't realise you meant 5 year olds - that's different!
I woulldn't like it either.

Original poster
AlistairSim · 25/05/2011 20:06

I think if I was told "So and so wants to save and buy an expensive toy", fair enough but it was just the bland "Cash" that made me slightly catsbum it.

Will I be judged on how much I put in, do you think?

OP posts:
chocolateyclur · 25/05/2011 20:09

I'd say that giving money seems a bit...impersonal...especially from friends, for a friend's party. Family, fair enough, and I'm used to that - but money always seems a bit unimaginative. Even a giftcard would be fine.

Mind you, I think I'd feel uncomfortable asking for ANYTHING, if you see what I mean - we didn't do it for our wedding, let alone a children's party. If family ever ask, I always have the internal conversation of "but what do they want to spend? If I say 'x' is that too much? Or too little? How do I not be insulting? Can I ask them for a price bracket?"

That said, I'm a right one for enjoying a good worry.

Punkatheart · 25/05/2011 20:13

I really don't like the idea of giving or asking for money.

I like to really shop around. I keep a hamper full of presents for possible parties - usually bought in sales but they look more expensive than they cost.

I dislike the bald exposure of just money......

Pagwatch · 25/05/2011 20:15

You are very nice.

If someone said of their five year old ' he wants to save for an expensive present' I would think " then don't have a fucking party and buy it yourself"
You tight twat.

If people ask what my dd want I always say "whatever you think. She loves so many things - pens, notebooks, hair thing, books, bags, crafty stuff - whatever you think"

I can u derstand people being totally stumped by choosing for a teenager but a five year old

Firawla · 25/05/2011 20:21

i think it would be more exciting for the child to have the different presents, at 5 years old..

YellowDinosaur · 25/05/2011 20:24

I wouldn't like this either - like another poster I buy things to use for presents when they are on sale to save money. I would be bankrupt if I bought everything at full price! I think its one thing saying this to family but anyone else who asks I will say 'ds likes ben 10, lego and playmobil' (for eg) so there is a range of things that they can choose from at a range of prices.

YellowDinosaur · 25/05/2011 20:25

And I agree that at 5 they like a lot of small presents much more than 1 big one!

StickyFloor · 25/05/2011 20:28

I was horrified when we got given money for dt's, I would never have dreamed of doing this ........... but then it dawned on me as we opened the other presents that basically £5 doesn't buy very much, so cash is actually a great idea.

This year they had a joint party for 29 children who each kindly gave a present to each of my twins. Most of them were hardly / never touched because they were cheap tat frankly. Those parents kind enough to put £5 in a card which Ii initially thought was odd - well in the end they had received £55 each which is incredible when you put it together. Next week we will be off to the shop and they can choose something great.

So I have done a u-turn on this and think it is a grand idea, although not sure I would actually ask anyone for cash - seems a bit grasping.

wowwowwubbzywubbzywubbzywowwow · 25/05/2011 20:30

I wouldn't mind this BUT I wouldn't do it because a) dd loves all the random tat she get's at parties and b) we aren't particularly struggling financially.
If you asked what they wanted I assume you want the child to have something they like otherwise you would have just bought something/anything. So if they are saving for something or have asked for something the parents can't afford then what they would genuinely like most is money towards it - would you rather the parent lied and said something else that the child doesn't want? If that's the case there was no point in asking and you should have just picked something at random. No point asking and then getting cats bum over the answer.

JamieAgain · 25/05/2011 20:34

You asked and she told you. I wouldn't ask for money myself, but OTOH I wouldn't be insulted to be asked myself. In fact, once, someone offered money and was relieved when I said OK but absolutely no more than £5

minipie · 25/05/2011 20:34

My view is the same as for weddings.

I think asking for a shop voucher, or a contribution towards a specific larger item would be fine.

But asking for money on its own is a bit off.

Pagwatch · 25/05/2011 20:38

I don't agree with Jamie

but

JamieAgain · 25/05/2011 20:40

It's OK, we can get through it pag.

Hullygully · 25/05/2011 20:47

I agree with Bran

JamieAgain · 25/05/2011 20:48

Dear old Bran. How I miss her

Pagwatch · 25/05/2011 20:51

Ok. Let us never speak of this again.

Bran never has to put up with this emotional roller coaster.

JamieAgain · 25/05/2011 20:52

Disparity in the number of < too, thought I just mention it