...not to do something for someone because I cannot be bothered and her tone irritates me...

[Punkatheart]

Firstly, I know this may sound piddling in the scheme of things. It probably wouldn't irritate of bother any of you feisty healthy ladies. But...

..some time ago a complete stranger wrote to me, saying that she was a writer and her relative had lived in my house years and years ago. She told me that she wanted to come and see my home. NOT ASKED. She sounded eccentric, arrogant and pushy. I found it quite rude. So I ignored. I did check out her website and she sounded mildly batty.

Today, when I am feeling really grotty - being sick with some complications over chemo - a woman turns up. I can see her and she is loitering, tutting. I am just too poorly to go to her. House is a tip, hair unbrushed...I am not the Queen of Social today. A note through the door confirms it is this woman. Another pushy note. 'I did write to you.' etc.

Am I being annoying to her by just not telling her to go away? There are just so many days at the moment when I can't even keep up with washing the dishes. House needs decorating and I am really really struggling. This would mean having to tidy everything. To give you an idea of my exhaustion - I have to lie down sometimes after hoovering downstairs!

Opinions greatly received as I do have a nagging guilt but also that irritation.

BTW - she has just come back and rung the bell again!!

Don't let her in!

If it were me, I'd go out and tell her bluntly that you're not in the habit of letting strangers into your house and she is behaving like a would-be burglar.

I really dislike people who seem to assume normal social rules don't apply to them.

"If it helps, my house is very nice. I think you would have liked it."

Oooh, kungfupanda, very cruel, and very funny!

Just don't answer. She'll give up and go away.

I wouldnt let this woman in at all and dont even worry about it - put up a post-it on the front door 'no free papers or mad tutting people'.

Alternatively it would be quite good to open the letterbox and just shout 'go away' like someone from psychoville

or open the door with your pants on your head. Clean ones.

P.S. You don't even have to let landlords in, if it's not convenient/ you don't want to!

aww

my mum and her brother went to look at the house they were evacuated to in the war, they didnt want to go in just look. So while they were reminiscing outside, the lady of the house went out to enquire what they were doing and they explained. She invited them in and they enjoyed remembering their memories, and she said the garden still had the air raid shelter in it :) Gave two olduns just a bit of pleasure

email her a pic of the exterior and give her permission to use this in her book and say I cant help you any more than that, as I am very unwell at the moment, please never contact me again.

as she's got a website, can you send her an email? to the effect, " I saw you outside my house, I'm very unwell, please stop bothering me or i'll get you arrested"
She sounds mad, don't engage any further.

Brilliant Kungfupanda

Recently the people who removed all the original features from lived in our house for 30 years about 10 years ago came round and we had a good gossip looking round the house together. But I was fine, the time was mutually convenient, and I had agreed to it. However, if the house was a tip, I was unwell and they had been batty, no - it wouldn't have been so enjoyable!

Is she gone yet?

PS, I'm with the others. Don't admit her (even for a moment), but do let her know yiou won't be, so she'll go away..

Do you need some help with housework?

Tell her to bog off.

Farking hell - tell her to bugger off!!!

Is she still there, or has the Mumsnet Massive run her off yet? I am utterly that someone would turn up without an invitation and be so rude and persistant.

Kungfu's letter is spot on (kungfu is the Attitude Queen of Mumsnet, imo and I will be trying to channel her every time I have to deal with anyone rude or unpleasant - she is a legend), and I think you should send it forthwith.

Well she pushed a business card through the door - presumably just in case I was unable ot read all the numbers, email address and address on the other letter she wrote.

I had a short nap then cleaned the shower. Properly. Now I can lead her (blindfold) upstairs to see a shower (not the shower room - that still needs cleaning) that we installed and that she has never seen before.

I have done something - so maybe she was sent by fate to motivate me. I also have an idea for a short story out of all this - so maybe it is not a wasted day.

It's funny isn't it - it makes me feel happier and calmer to have order around me. I think it's a lack of control in other areas of my life, such as illness and living with a monster, I mean teenager.

Thank you for your lovely offers and help and things that have made me giggle a lot. I bet if anyone would scrub the kitchen so that it begged you to stop, it would be bupcakes.....

thefirstMrsDeVere
"Eccentric? Bollocks. Eccentric usually means self centered nightmare in my experience. Bet she thinks she is a character too"

You owe this woman absolutely none of your depleted energy. You do not need to answer the door or acknowledge her at all. If, at a later date you wish to respond by letter you can do so; but today the chemo has laid you low and you just need to rest and recover.

"I bet if anyone would scrub the kitchen so that it begged you to stop, it would be bupcakes....."

:)

I would, you know?

If she is pushy enough to come and loiter outside your house and put another note through the door, I think ignoring her might not work. I would just quickly open the door, tell her that you are ill and will not be asking her in and to please leave you alone. NO need to feel guilty - its your house, your rules. (and she is rude and pushy).

I love Kungfupannda's letter. She is very very clever.

Write and tell her that you are unwell and not receiving visitors and that you were shocked and disappointed that someone would be so rude as to turn up unannounced and uninvited.
Then say that you consider todays incident to be a "one off" but any repeat performance will be considered harrassment and you will call the police.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Loon alert.

How very dare she! You don't need to make excuses for yourself because of your illness, the state of your house or anything else, if you don't want this woman in your home, especially considering her manner of "asking" then just turning up uninvited, you are under no obligation whatsoever.

Keep well, Punk.

I like the idea of an expensively embossed card: One is not receiving visitors. One politely requests one to fuck off.

Oooh maybe she will write about you!

I suggest custard filled water balloons works on all matter of unwelcome visitors! Debt collectors, MiLs, Crazy writers. It's fail proof :o

To be honest I'm not a fan of ignoring people as it just leads to stress. She may not get the hint and everytime the gate opens or doorbell rings you'll think its her. She came all the way to your house having been blanked by email, she will be back.

Just email her and say you are unwell and are not in a fit state for visitors, the house has been redone and thus it will be a waste of her time seeing it.

She's clearly fixated for whatever reason , she may even be slightly mentally unwell so it would be unfair to both of you to not just be straight with her (without being rude or sweary as some have suggested, as you'd feel bad if you later found she was known to mental health authorities)