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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 month old took a run up to punch my 6 month old in the head

30 replies

knittynoodle · 22/05/2011 23:18

And SIL did nothing. Well, she picked him up and cuddled him so that he calmed down after DP told him off. She never tells him no, and hes been allowed to get away with quite alot as he was the first grandchild. DP was really upset and had a word with MIL and other SIL once they'd left and they stuck up for the toddler because hes just a baby etc, he doesnt understand. He wasnt having a go at the toddler, he was passing comment on his sister and her laziness. (Little boy was hitting the playstation with a hard toy teapot that day too, and she didnt say a word)

Im sure this will kick off but Im sure by now he should be learning No. And that babies arent for punching.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/05/2011 23:20

He's a baby himself. What did you expect them to do exactly?

squeakytoy · 22/05/2011 23:21

He wont learn no unless someone starts teaching him no.

YANBU

Oakmaiden · 22/05/2011 23:23

Whilst he does need to be told no, he is far to little to really understand anything about consequences. Or to remember that he has previously been told no.

I know it is hard and you feel all protective of your little one, but your nephew is very little too.

5318008 · 22/05/2011 23:24

if the 16 month old took a run up then surely someone had time to whip the baby out of reach?

and yes 16 month olds are still babies too and terribly impulsive to boot

animula · 22/05/2011 23:28

Maybe he's a sociopath?

And maybe your sil is training him to be a sociopath?

there are lots and lots of them about - people go around thumping each other all the time. and in schools, too. and there are loads, and loads of parents who are just really, really rubbish, and don't care about their children and other people to do anything about it.

the above is not very likely.

It is more likely that your sil is not that bad a parent, and, for some reason, chose to respond in the way she did.

I also suspect that if your husband keeps on passing comment on what a lazy mother his sister is, he's going to seriously p.o. his sister, and that will lead to a rift between the cousins. That would be a shame.

For all I know she really is Jeremy Kyle material - someone out there and on mn has to be - but I suspect not.

chicletteeth · 22/05/2011 23:28

What is the AIBU here exactly?

His behaviour or your reaction?

Ripeberry · 22/05/2011 23:28

Sounds normal. Imagine that going on all day, you get that with siblings, especially if there is not much of an age gap.
You should have ALL been looking out for it.

worraliberty · 22/05/2011 23:29

He's still a baby so I'm sure there was no malice involved but someone does need to be telling him no and at least trying to set boundaries now.

strandedbear · 22/05/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raffle · 22/05/2011 23:31

YANBU, the toddlers Mum should have taken the time to explain in an accessible way that walloping a tiny baby is wrong.

Original poster
knittynoodle · 22/05/2011 23:31

He ran past her on his way to punch the baby.

She really never ever gets up. Hes eaten washing powder and food from the bin and not been stopped. I think she at least needs to say no in order for him to learn not to ingest food which could hurt him...

OP posts:
sharbie · 22/05/2011 23:33

horrible and he does need to be told - they do understand some things at that age

Original poster
knittynoodle · 22/05/2011 23:33

I actually wasnt as pissed off as DP was, because I do understand babies can get up to all sorts once they start walking and you cant watch them all the time. But isnt it our job to stop our children from hurting themselves and others.

OP posts:
CocoPopsAddict · 22/05/2011 23:34

YANBU.

Fine, he is still a baby himself, so obviously no one should be harsh, but he should still be told no.

It would annoy me if my SIL was comforting her child just because he/she was told not to hit mine. That is sending the wrong message to the child, even at that age.

animula · 22/05/2011 23:35

OK. So you are saying she is neglectful? Are you saying that it is poor-parenting? sub-optimal? Is your nephew at risk of serious harm through neglect?

Are there contributing issues? Alcohol? Drug-use? Depression?

Is your husband's mother enabling her? Was your husband's mother also neglectful? Is that why she colludes in neglect with your SIL?

hmc · 22/05/2011 23:35

I get so bored of all this.

Yes, 16 months old is tiny wee and of course he isn't a sociopath in the making. Nevertheless - it isn't too young to be told 'No' and to start being taught what is acceptable versus what is unacceptable (with the proviso that at this very tender age it will need to be reinforced repeatedly again and again)

Oakmaiden · 22/05/2011 23:38

hmc - I think almost everyone who has posted has said that he needs to be told no?

animula · 22/05/2011 23:38

Your OP is confusing me just a little. On the one hand you seem to be implying that the fault lies with the child, and he needs discipline, which your SIL, and MIL, are not providing.

On the other hand, you seem to be suggesting poor parenting.

Which is it?

chicletteeth · 22/05/2011 23:39

I agree with animula, which is it?

doley · 22/05/2011 23:39

I have had this problem for the last 5 years ...my SIL does nothing to restrain her son from hurting mine either.
I always hoped she would change and intervene ...
Last time they were together my son had a knife pulled on him ...

They are both 7 Angry

YANBU at all .

hmc · 22/05/2011 23:41

Oakmaiden????? are you the thread police?

Original poster
knittynoodle · 22/05/2011 23:43

I dont think Ive ever implied the fauly lies with the child. I dont believe that it does, a child is not inherently bad - and of course how is he to know that punching is bad... unless he is told. Which is isnt.

And to clarify, the AIBU is that, at 16 months surely a child should be on some way to at least being told No.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 22/05/2011 23:49

Sorry, hmc. You seemed to be implying that people were saying it was OK to just ignore, and disagreeing with that. That was how I read your post, anyway. Whereas I think most people have said that whilst he is very small, he does need to be told no.

If I misread you, then sorry - but I guess your "I get so bored of this" made it sound like you were disagreeing with the "boring" opinions of other posters.

animula · 22/05/2011 23:56

knittynoodle - if the mother is definitely, never, ever saying "no" it is a problem deserving of way more intervention than a bunch of strangers answering an aibu thread.

Or your dh telling her mother she's lazy.

Really.

Which makes me think that she might well be saying no occasionally, in which case your OP is actually about, I guess, how cross you are that your nephew hit your child and the playstation. and your sister in law a. failed to prevent that and b. didn't discipline him in your presence.

Seriously, if she really is as crap as you would have us believe then I am afraid you have a very difficult situation on your hands, that is going to require intervention on your part, and cause massive fall-out within the family.

I hope that's not true, and that your sil is not that bad, and your nephew turns out to be a charming young man.

Original poster
knittynoodle · 23/05/2011 00:04

I think we do have a situation on our hands already. Ive often said to DP that it seems the child has to be inches from death before anyone does anything.

When he was in the bin, she was more concerned that I hadnt burped my DS properly.

OP posts:
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