16 month old took a run up to punch my 6 month old in the head

[knittynoodle]

And SIL did nothing. Well, she picked him up and cuddled him so that he calmed down after DP told him off. She never tells him no, and hes been allowed to get away with quite alot as he was the first grandchild. DP was really upset and had a word with MIL and other SIL once they'd left and they stuck up for the toddler because hes just a baby etc, he doesnt understand. He wasnt having a go at the toddler, he was passing comment on his sister and her laziness. (Little boy was hitting the playstation with a hard toy teapot that day too, and she didnt say a word)

Im sure this will kick off but Im sure by now he should be learning No. And that babies arent for punching.

It really depends on how your DP told him off whether your SIL was right in comforting her child. A firm 'no we don't hit' would have been fine but anything more would have been ott. I also agree with whoever said that you ALL should have been watching so I think you need to take part of the blame as you need to be right by your baby if there's an unpredictable toddler around - just as I assume you would be at baby group.
If you think your SIL is too lazy to watch her toddler properly then you will have to be even more on the alert than usual.
A 16 month old has very little understanding and with the best parents in the world will not know that hitting makes people sore at that age. Consistent discouragement will work in the long run though.

Well, if it is as bad as you say, you and your dh had better get together with a plan of intervention ...

... however, I have to say I suspect you are actually trying to involve us all in a game of competitive parenting you have going on with your sil.

I think that because you don't seem overly concerned for the welfare of your nephew, and concentrate rather on your sil.

i don't know you, or your sil. for all I know, since having your own child, you have become aware of how far from ideal your nephew's situation is, and this is the beginnings of your concern.

By the way, I would be extremely protective of my first-born, and probably in orbit had anyone, or anything hit him at that age. It wouldn't have been an entirely rational response, but it would have been entirely natural.

And, yes, in terms of how I engage with my children, I agree with the whole discouragement of unpleasant activity, acknowledging positive behaviour and clear articulation of boundaries. On a good day.

SIL should have punted him like a rugby ball.

Fuck's sake.

Good grief. I don't usually correct mistakes (I make a lot) but ..

".. it would have been an entirely irrational response, but a natural one."

Stayfrosty's right, by the way, everything looks huge when you have a newborn.