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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being po'd that I heard about this on bloody Facebook?

72 replies

LittleMissFeckedOff · 22/05/2011 21:20

My sister had her baby this morning and I'm overjoyed for her. She's had a rotten pregnancy and I've tried to help and listen as much as I can.

She texted me last night to say she'd gone into labour and that they were on the way to the hospital. Her dh rang this morning to say that she had just had the baby and that all was well. Brilliant.

I texted a few times over the day, tried to ring but didn't expect a response because, well, because she'd just had a baby.

So why am I irrationally pissed off to sign on to Facebook this evening to find out that at 11am this fecking morning, only two hours after my niece was born, my sister had updated her Facebook status with all of the details (name, weight etc) that we, her immediate family weren't told about?

Go on, tell me it's none of my business what she does and that Facebook is the work of the devil anyway...

OP posts:
ginhag · 22/05/2011 21:37

So he rang you immediately after the baby was born. That shows how much you mean to your sister. The fb bit was letting the world know...and by that point they'd got the detail straight!

Is quite likely if he was all flustered that when he got off the phone your is said 'you didn't say the NAME! Or what she weighed! Or anything!!!' :)

ginhag · 22/05/2011 21:38

is sis

Casmama · 22/05/2011 21:38

If her dh was that exhausted etc he may not have realised that he didn't tell you the name etc. My SIL recently had a baby and it wasn't until the next evening when her FIL visited that everyone realised he didn't yet know the name as his son hadn't told him on the phone but thought he had - its easily done so I wouldnt let it bother you as I'm sure it wasn't meant.

Cat98 · 22/05/2011 21:38

If you are close to your sister, please try to understand and not take offence to little things at this time. If any of my family had been funny with me about my method of announcing the news it would have finished me off. They might need your support.

Original poster
LittleMissFeckedOff · 22/05/2011 21:41

I wouldn't dream of mentioning it to her! I do remember what it was like immediately post-delivery, believe me!

I'm obviously BU. I hate Facebook at times like this, it's so ... impersonal? I just don't get it. Even though I use it.

OP posts:
BPisme · 22/05/2011 21:41

My sister tried to get me to not put any pictures of DD2 up until she had visited, a week later Hmm. I think DH phoned my mum and his mum straight away when he went out for a post birth fag, and about half an hour later or so (not on purpose, just when I had stopped being entirely dazed), I gave him my phone and told him to update my facebook - some of my friends on there had been chatting to me every day of the pregnancy (including my lovely November 09 thread mums) and I don't see why they shouldn't know. I think the first picture got texted, again, to our mums, and uploaded to fb at the same time, and then my mum, DD1, and his mum and dad came in that afternoon to visit (mostly for the benefit of DD1 - I didn't let them stay long as you don't feel all that sociable with a catheter and drips in and not being able to move!)

The idea of sending stuff to our mums is that they would then "cascade" the information down to our Dads, my sisters, aunties, grandparents, childhood friends, etc etc etc, and then fb and general gossip would catch everyone else. I wasn't about to let him spend ages outside the hospital ringing all and sundry when I needed him. Just a "Hi, she's had the baby, here's the weight, everyone is fine, got to go!" Although we had already sorted out the name so i suppose he didn't need to announce that.

GooGooMuck · 22/05/2011 21:43

YABU. They rang you.

I did exactly the same, rang my mum dad and sisters, then put it on FB.

I was very overdue, and a lot of people were worrying about me nagging for info for a while, so it was definitely the easiest way to tell everyone.

I don't understand why you are cross at all.

CurrySpice · 22/05/2011 21:43

No, YANBU and I woukd have been hurt / upset / pissed off too :(

Converse · 22/05/2011 21:47

YANBU at all. Close family should be the first to know these things, then the rest of the world.

fivegomadindorset · 22/05/2011 21:47

They rang you, what is tehr to get upset about?

makingdo1 · 22/05/2011 21:49

YABU! She just had a baby! The mind is all over the place! Do you know, my poor dad was the last person to know I had my first born! I felt terrible but in the sheer excitement I totally forgot. It happens, and its not personal. Just be happy that her baby is here all safe and sound, your new niece and how much of her life you are going to get to take part in!

TattyDevine · 22/05/2011 21:50

Just enjoy your new niece.

And let her enjoy her "time in the light" whichever way she sees fit. Even if its different to yours. You've had yours. Let her have hers.

CurrySpice · 22/05/2011 21:51

Yeah, what is there to be upset about fivegomadindorset? I mean why would an aunt want to knowthe sex / name / health of ther niece or nephew before a load of mumsnetters random strangers?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/05/2011 21:52

YANBU. It's lazy and a bit rude. People could manage a 20 second phone call to immediate family 10 years ago. Why can't they now? Childbirth hasn't changed.

Jezabelle · 22/05/2011 21:53

YANBU IMO. I'm sure she wasn't thinking things through having just given birth and all that, but I can see why you were upset. Please don't let it play on your mind. You have a baby niece! Congrats Auntie Fecked Off! Enjoy. You'll be more special in the little baby's life than 99% of people who read the FB announcement!

Oh and "Sounds as if you are not close to your sister anyway?" Meow One piece.

CurrySpice · 22/05/2011 21:53

makingdo1 her mind isn't so "all over the place" enogh to stop her psoting on FB. Presumably she was compis menis enough to do that, she could have had enough of her wits about her to phone her own sister!!

makingdo1 · 22/05/2011 21:54

I thought the DH phoned in the morning? I cant talk, I didnt have the wits to phone my own father poor man. Luckily enough he was so over joyed at his grandchild he didnt care.

CurrySpice · 22/05/2011 21:55

And as for "forgetting"to tell ourown dad makingdo, well that's just inexcusacle. Excited? Forgot? Dreadful

usualsuspect · 22/05/2011 21:55

If you don't like FB don't use it

ginhag · 22/05/2011 21:56

Gwendoline, Curry... Her sister's DH did phone, immediately after the birth. He just didn't manage to impart all the information. Did impart that the baby had arrived, a girl, all fine. Two hours later came the 'rest of the world' announcement.

makingdo1 · 22/05/2011 21:57

put the claws away CS, I did think that DH had phoned him and he thought that I had. It happens! A new baby arriving shouldnt be marred by petty stuff like who found out first Grin

CurrySpice · 22/05/2011 21:58

Exactly. I would not expect to be "the rest of the world" as far as my sister was concerned ginhag

A sister is not "the rest of the world"

A sister deserves a phone call (from one ofthe parents or a grandparent) and not to be trated like 273 other random odds and sods

ginhag · 22/05/2011 21:59

SHE WAS PHONED!!!!! FFS!!!!!!!

Cat98 · 22/05/2011 21:59

Ffs! It's not 'dreadful'. Anyone who cares more about etiquette than how their own family are doing at such a joyful but difficult time needs to look at their priorities imo. Really sad :(

usualsuspect · 22/05/2011 21:59

She did get a phone call