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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was bloody rude?

42 replies

Beckyitisthen · 22/05/2011 14:55

Just had a lovely few hrs with dh and my 2dc walking around Stratford upon Avon. Any how just walking along minding my own business when a woman in front of me, probably in her mid 50s falls over right by me, she landed all sprawled out on the pavement. As I was right behind her I thought I should ask if she was injured and offered out my hand to help her try and stand. With that she shoved my hand away and told me in a very short tone that she did not need my help and that her husband would get her up!
I know she probably just felt really embarrassed but she should be more embarrassed of the fact she was damn rude :-(

OP posts:
TakeItOnTheChins · 22/05/2011 14:57

You should have stepped on her.

AuntieMonica · 22/05/2011 14:58

she was most likely embarrassed, it's the pits if you fall in public, a total brass neck.

shame she fell though, and it was nice of you to offer to help her.

i love Stratford Smile

midnightservant · 22/05/2011 14:59

She was shaken and embarassed. Probably regrets using that tone.

I have fallen over a few times, please can I implore people not to rush over and try to get fallen people up straight away? I needed time to get my breath back and recover my composure, but people just tried to grab me up! I had to ask them to let me be for a minute or two.

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 22/05/2011 14:59

she was rude yes
embaressed yes..but I'm not rude when embarassed
next time step on her Grin

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 22/05/2011 15:00

She was mortified about falling over, surely you can see that?
Nothing to get het up about, let alone come on AIBU with Hmm

allhailtheaubergine · 22/05/2011 15:01

Erm... maybe you could cut her a little slack given that she had just sprawled arse over tit and probably hurt herself in the process?

Put it this way, her falling over probably spoiled her day a teensy bit more than her brusque reply to you spoiled yours.

bupcakesandcunting · 22/05/2011 15:05

Similar thing happened to me on thursday. Walking along a busy High Street and a van that's parked mounted on the footpath starts pulling off, driving half on the path. An older lady and her husband are walking at the side of the van, but oblivious to it, the woman starts crabwalking into the van, the driver is too busy looking in his wing mirror to see her. I shout "Watch out!" she looks at me like this Hmm so I take hold of her forearm and gently but firmly guide her away from the moving van. She looks all flustered and goes "ooooh lordy " at her husband. I say "you're welcome!" and carry on on my way.

Some people are odd Grin

Original poster
Beckyitisthen · 22/05/2011 15:06

No she didn't spoil my day at all. I just thought that when somebody offers help they aren't spoken to like that. Im a nurse and thought if she was injured I could of offered some assistance, obviously not.

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 22/05/2011 15:08

When my Mum stumbles or similar she has a massive dread of people thinking she's "old" and helping her.....she just does. forget this....she was embarrassed.

bupcakesandcunting · 22/05/2011 15:08

Shock at embarrassment being an excuse for being a nob.

If someone tries to help you, embarrassed or not, you don't shove their hand away. I fell over in a busy pub once and I wanted to die, there on the floor. Even more so when three blokes pulled me up. I was gracious about it even though I was mortified. You look a dick already because you fell. What's the point in making yourself look even dickier by acting an arse?

TheMonster · 22/05/2011 15:13

she was rude.

MumblingRagDoll · 22/05/2011 15:15

bupcakes.....older people can be very shaken by a fall...that can make them act in an unreasonable way. N offence but you are young and you're not as vulnerable as an older person.

Original poster
Beckyitisthen · 22/05/2011 15:15

Thanks bupcakes! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Beckyitisthen · 22/05/2011 15:18

No sorry still think it's just darn rude no matter what the age. She was only in her 50s so not an elderly frail person at all. She did look embarrassed in her defence but I can't imagine I would be rude to an offer of help. But then that's just me.

OP posts:
EverythingInMiniature · 22/05/2011 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ishani · 22/05/2011 15:22

We used to live there and regularly got shoved out the way by the old bats that frequent the place, it's full of ex lovies who think that actually do own the place in my experience.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 22/05/2011 15:23

Becky, my mum is in her fifties and if she has a bad fall, she will be in a lot of pain because she has a very damaged knee joint. Old people aren't the only ones who're frail, you know. If she falls, I imagine the first thing on her mind is trying not to scream, and the second one is 'is this the time I really fuck it up and end up in a wheelchair permanently?'

I think this woman was rude, but she was almost certainly embarrassed and likely in pain, so cut her some slack.

springbokscantjump · 22/05/2011 15:25

At least you tried to help. My mate slipped down a flight of stairs at a tube station, lay flat on her back on the bottom and people just stepped round her. Not a soul offered to help.

Sometimes I hate London.

bupcakesandcunting · 22/05/2011 15:32

"bupcakes.....older people can be very shaken by a fall...that can make them act in an unreasonable way. N offence but you are young and you're not as vulnerable as an older person."

That might be true but this woman was in her fifties, according to the OP. I would expect a person in their fifties to behave in the same way as someone in their twenties, thirties, forties, sixties... Granted, when people get into their later years, they might behave in a way the rest of us would construe as odd.

But then the flipside is this: we spend so much time on MN saying how offended we are at old people being treated like batty old biddies and not being given their due respect, so it works the other way too. People shouldn't be let off the hook so easily just because of their age. Although I do tend to let things go with elderly people because you can never be sure that their rudeness isn't down to early-stage dementia.

GandTiceandaslice · 22/05/2011 15:35

Yes she was rude.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 22/05/2011 15:38

bupcakes, would you mind reading my post? We may have cross-posted, but it's a couple above.

I do feel quite sad for my mum - I'm sorry for the OP that someone was rude to her when she wanted to help, it's not nice, of course. But there are plenty of people who may look fit, robust, not disabled at all - you genuinely can't always tell, just as you can't always tell how much pain someone who's had a fall is in.

Last time my mum tripped in the street she was told she'd never walk properly again - and she looks like a normal 50-something person.

bidibidi · 22/05/2011 15:45

She was probably having a bad day and the bad fall just topped it off; nothing to do with you personally.

bupcakesandcunting · 22/05/2011 15:48

I understand your point, LRD. It's probably me with a bit of a problem too. I have a real fear of offending strangers (though you wouldn't think it from some of my posts on here Wink) and I just can't ever imagine being horrid to someone trying to help me. For example, I had terrible SPD when I was pregnant. One day, I went for an ill-advised waddle stroll to the shops, just to get some fresh air. Cut a long story short, I tripped and landed on my bump. My SPD meant I couldn't gracefully get up off the pavement, I was in agony AND embarrassed. But I was still trying to laugh about it to the people helping me even though I was hurt, red-faced and worried about my baby who'd had thirteen stone of mummy land on top of him Blush I would just never dream of lashing out at strangers who are trying to help me out of kindness. They're not obliged to. I know everyone reacts differently though, that's just how I am.

southmum · 22/05/2011 15:50

YANBU, being elderley, frail, or scared of permanently injuring an already badly injured knee is no excuse whatsoever for total rudeness when someone is trying to help.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 22/05/2011 15:51

Fair enough - I do take your point (and ouch to your experience!). I guess I'm just aware that people do tend to think a healthy-looking 50-something woman like my mum shouldn't react the way she does to a fall - I don't think I've seen her be especially rude, but it surprises me that so many people on this thread wouldn't realize that a simple fall could be very serious for someone with pre-existing problems, even if they weren't old. I'm mega-paranoid about it though, I admit.