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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be just devastated about our dog?

63 replies

follyfoot · 21/05/2011 08:41

Our lovely labrador had a lump suddenly appear on her head. After passing through every emotion with it may be cancer, it may not, it may be operable, it may not, it may have spread or maybe not, we now find ourselves with a dog who has had surgery to remove as much tumour as possible but some remained, and she is about to undergo palliative radiotherapy.

Am just knocked sideways by this - and its been a few weeks, so I really should have got used to it by now. Keep looking at her and thinking 'you're dying, you're bloody dying and we love you so much' Sad

Have lost lots of people in life through cancer, and suppose I've coped OK with that all things told. My DH has been life threateningly ill recently and I coped OK with that. So why has this news knocked me off my feet. I've even cried at work. How embarrassing is that. Anyone?

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 21/05/2011 08:45

YANBU, an animal that loves you is one of the simplest and undemanding forms of affection there is. You will come to terms with it, rather than getting used to it, and you will always miss her. You have both been lucky to have the relationship, so go ahead and mourn.
Of course much worse stuff happens to people and animals, but that doesn't invalidate your feelings.

lubeybooby · 21/05/2011 08:46

Yanbu, I'm so sorry to hear this. Pets set themselves very firmly in our hearts. Maybe you felt you had to be strong for your husband and also some pent up emotion is releasing via this situation. Hug for you [hug]

WriterofDreams · 21/05/2011 08:47

:( I'd say this is just the last straw, seems like you've had a lot going on lately. Also I think it's really hard to see animals ill as they don't know what's going on and they don't realise they're dying. There's something so incredibly sad about that. It's a horrible, sad situation to be in and it's going to be heartbreaking when she dies. She's a lucky dog to have had such a caring owner as you

Lunabelly · 21/05/2011 08:47

YANBU.
I still cry about the death of our dog over ten years later. I'm no psychologist, I couldn't tell you why we have this reaction, but it's pretty common, so don't worry. Enjoy the time you have left with her and if I could make a suggestion?

We got the vet to come to our house that final day; her final moments were filled with love in her home - I even lay on the floor with her. I'm so glad it happened like that and NOT in some sterile consulting room.

I don't know MN ettiquette when it comes to hugs but ((you)). I know how much this hurts. But SHE knows how much you love her.

HughManatee · 21/05/2011 08:55

So sorry to hear this, YANBU. You're doing the best thing you can for her, it's not much of a consolation, but she's got a caring owner. Have a hug ()

ohnelly · 21/05/2011 09:14

Yanbu at all, I still miss my little dog that had to put down about 6 years ago (while I was pregnant with ds1) Sad
Give her lots of hugs, and at least you will know you did your best for her and not let her suffer when she does have to go to sleep. By the way, I cried in work too, and I never cry in front of people I don't know, so don't worry about that either

SeymoreButts · 21/05/2011 09:24

YANBU. We got our golden lab when I was 5, she died when I was 17. She had a stroke and we had a few days of her at home, carrying her out for the loo, just carrying her everywhere and cuddling her. She had a another stroke and then had to be put down. My mum and Dsis couldn't watch her be put to sleep, so I had to cuddle onto her while it happened. It was very distressing, I went to school the next day and was sent home in floods of tears. She was a big part of my childhood and I grieved for her.

Give her lots of hugs and treats, spend as much time with her as you can. Sad

TheFlyingOnion · 21/05/2011 09:29

YANBU I'm sitting her with tears in my eyes thinking that could be my dog - and he's only 3 and in good health!!

Can't even think about losing him.... hope your dog pulls through.

FWIW my friends dog was diagnosed with an aggressive tumour 6 months ago and the outlook was grim - he's now doing really well, responded well to treatment and is almost back to his old self. Fingers crossed for you.

tabulahrasa · 21/05/2011 09:47

My dog was put to sleep in October, he had a cancerous tumour that because of it's position couldn't be operated on and it was just a case of waiting until his pain couldn't be managed by medication - I still tear up thinking about him

he was my best friend for 13 years :(

before he actually got ill, I knew I'd be upset when he died, but I didn't realise how much

Vallhala · 21/05/2011 09:48

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I've in the past been told by my vet to go home and love my dog for the time I had left with him and I know as you do the searing pain (and for me, almost guilt that I and medical science couldn't cure him) that you feel when you have to acknowledge that.

A dog-lovers relationship is unlike that with most humans, it's unconditional love and unquestionable loyalty. No wonder news of this kind hits us so hard.

You'll never look back and think that you should have spent less time with her or should have taken less photos, so cherish the here and now and if you happen to "have a stomach upset" and need to take a day or two off work, well, I'm not telling.

Tears on my eyes for you, thinking of you both,

Val x

elmofan · 21/05/2011 10:23

Yanbu Sad spend as much quality time as possible
with her [hugs]
I lost my dog 4years ago to cancer and every single day we still
talk about him and shed a tear.

NoWayNoHow · 21/05/2011 10:31

YANBU - we had to put our 11yo beautiful dog down last year as the stomach cancer had finally immobilised him and made it impossible for him to eat or drink.

It was utterly, devastating, and I didn't stop crying for a good long time. He was an incredible dog with a beautiful, intelligent nature who would have died for any one of and to be there with him as he took his last breath broke my heart into a million little pieces.

It was the anniversary of his death on Tuesday, and I must have cried about 4 times just thinking about him. His "sister" (not by blood, but we've had them the same time and they're the same age) still howls at the spot under the bush where his ashes are buried Sad Sad

Pets have a massive impact on our lives, especially dogs I think who have that blind loyalty and love. They become part of the family and it's completely natural to feel the way you're feeling.

I will never forget when we immigrated into the UK 10 years ago and were telling friends how much it was going to cost to put the 2 dogs in quarantine, and one of them said, "Why don't you just put them down and get new dogs in England?" Shock

Needless to say we didn't keep in touch after we left!!

fran28 · 21/05/2011 10:36

ah...im so sorry.....I Lost my lulu in feb this year...still crying over her...she helped me through a lot of stuff.....she was 14 years old and was acting like a puppy only a week before she died...my heart is broken..i watched her coming in to this world and then had to watch her going out of it..i had only just gotten over losing her mother susie 4 years ago

EggyAllenPoe · 21/05/2011 10:38

YANBU - your dog is a member of your family.

It would be odd if you weren't upset.

EmmaBemma · 21/05/2011 10:39

So sorry about your dog, follyfoot. Of course YANBU. :(

ClaireDeLoon · 21/05/2011 10:40

I'm so sorry, your lovely dog :( YANBU to be so very upset, particularly as you have been through so much. I hope the palliative treatment helps her and she enjoys the time she has left. Remember she doesn't know so isn't sad, she'll just be enjoying life as usual.

NoWayNoHow · 21/05/2011 10:44

lunabelly that's a really good suggestion, that's what we did for our precious boy. His last moments were in his own house surrounded by his family. Getting a little bit weepy here!

Flossie69 · 21/05/2011 10:46

I'm sorry :(

I haven't got or had a dog myself, and am not really a dog person, but for some reason I really empathise with what you are saying.

Maybe its because dogs are so trusting and innocent, and she won't really understand what's going on, just look to you to make it better. I can understand why this would be heartbreaking in a way the other situations weren't.

prettyfly1 · 21/05/2011 10:51

Ahhh no its not silly at all. You have a lot on and I still cry about my dog who died when I was sixteen (nearly thirteen years ago now) every now and then. They become part of the family - you are losing a much loved family member and it hurts. Yanbu and have a hug.

Thomas1969 · 21/05/2011 10:56

sorry to hear it

BehindLockNumberNine · 21/05/2011 10:56

It is not silly at all. We lost our beloved dog last June, a week before his 5th birthday.

I still cry over him and I know the dc do too. (dh is more stoic but even he chokes up when talking about it)

Be gentle on yourself. It is natural to be upset. xx

COCKadoodledooo · 21/05/2011 11:01

YANBU. Sorry to hear your news Sad

I still miss my muttley, and it's now 14 years since I took her for that last trip to the vets.

izzybiz · 21/05/2011 11:12

YANBU
When we had our little Staffy cross Wembley PTS 7 years ago we were devastated, she was about 14 and had some sort of liver failure in the end, Dh took her in and sobbed like a baby. Sad

She was a complete monster aswell, always upto something naughty, but the memories we have of her are some of the funniest things. We still talk about her all the time.

Let yourself grieve for your dog and don't feel ashamed, they are part of the family. x

babybythesea · 21/05/2011 11:24

Another person saying YANBU. At all.
I still miss the dog my parents got when I was 9. She died when I was 24 and formed a big chunk of my teenage years. I still have her lead as I could never bring myself to get rid of it.

I have a one year old rough collie now, and she is devoted to me. When I sit down, she comes over and settles herself down with me, not expecting anything, just wanting to be near me. It's a love that is total and unconditional and to imagine a day when my little shadow won't be there is just too upsetting - already.

Feeling sad (not strong enough but I can't find the right word) doesn't diminish the love or sympathy or pain that you feel when a human goes through something life threatening because love doesn't work like that. There isn't a finite amount to give out, you create as much love as you need to for the other living things in your life. You brought something into your home, you tended to her, played with her, got annoyed with her, and fell in love with her - it would be plain weird not to be devastated at the idea that you are losing her.

Original poster
follyfoot · 21/05/2011 12:23

Thank you for all the lovely messages everyone. They prompted me to take her for a lovely paddle in the waterfalls nearby. She's zonked out now as she contracted septic arthritis in her elbow after her surgery so it was her first proper walk.

They do get into your heart dont they. Funny that several of you have mentioned keeping them at home when the time comes. I'd already thought about this and decided that I didnt want her last moments to be at the vets so it will be at home with us (or probably me as I dont think my DH could do it) sitting surrounded by all her favourite toys and lying on her fluffy (comfy blankety furry thing that she loves).

We dont know how far away the time is, but hopefully she will have a while yet. And if so, she's going camping with DH - him and her in their two man one man and his lab tent. She is at her happiest then Smile

Thanks again, was feeling like I was over-reacting to the news, but its good to know I'm not alone.

OP posts:
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