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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be just devastated about our dog?

63 replies

follyfoot · 21/05/2011 08:41

Our lovely labrador had a lump suddenly appear on her head. After passing through every emotion with it may be cancer, it may not, it may be operable, it may not, it may have spread or maybe not, we now find ourselves with a dog who has had surgery to remove as much tumour as possible but some remained, and she is about to undergo palliative radiotherapy.

Am just knocked sideways by this - and its been a few weeks, so I really should have got used to it by now. Keep looking at her and thinking 'you're dying, you're bloody dying and we love you so much' Sad

Have lost lots of people in life through cancer, and suppose I've coped OK with that all things told. My DH has been life threateningly ill recently and I coped OK with that. So why has this news knocked me off my feet. I've even cried at work. How embarrassing is that. Anyone?

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 21/05/2011 12:48

Thinking of you folly

Why don't you do something similar to what we did for our old Greyhound, he was 14 when he had to be put to sleep at home because even though his ticker was fine his back legs were not working at all so he could not get up. I was devastated as he had been with me from the very first house I owned up until I met DH and even though some people used to say to me he has a face only a Mother would love it never even crossed my mind that he wasn't gorgeous.

We have another dog now who I love but my Greyhound was a very special dog and I couldn't sleep for about four days after. Anyway we had him cremated and buried in his box in my grandparents garden but they and I bought a lovely unusual Rose bush from David Austin Roses so even when we move house again because it's in a large plant pot we can take it with us.

I wish you dog well and hope the treatment works, it really could, just be positive and have fun with her x

tiredemma · 21/05/2011 12:55

We had a lovely Golden lab from when I was 5 up until I was 18. She passed away at home, in her fave spot in front of the fire being cuddled and stroked by myself and my brother. I have to say that even despite losing a grandparent around the same time- losing our dog truely boke my heart. They are the most loyal creatures you can ever have in your life.

I am desperate for a dog now, the boys would love it but I dont think I could ever go through the pain of losing a dog again in the future

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/05/2011 13:52

Follyfoot... So sad for you. :(

It's really sad when our pets get ill and, as a dog-lover, I find that they leave the most massive space in your life when we lose them.

Try, if you can, not to think of it. If your lovely dog is well in himself, take the time for lots of outings, spoiling and fun times and pictures of it all. Enjoy him and focus on that. It will really help you later on.

Thinking of you, we all go through it.

tiredemma... But think of the joy you'll go through for years and years and years (hopefuly!).. I know how you feel, I always said the same... Grin

Lunabelly · 21/05/2011 13:59

Tiredemma - I can't go through the pain of losing another dog either, which is why I stick with my smellycats.

OP, Although feeling her heart stop through my 5 month PG belly fair broke my heart, I'm so glad that her last moments were of comfort, snuggled up with me, as my mother always said of us "I can't tell where one smelly bitch begins and the other one ends"
Knowing she wasn't afraid or in pain, and was snuggled with me, is a huge comfort. I'm crying now, but happy that she had a 'good death'. I will always miss her, but am so glad that she was ours, no matter the heartache.

Hugest hugs to you both. Hugest hugs.

TidyDancer · 21/05/2011 14:05

I'm sorry you're facing this folly. YANBU at all. Bugger the rules, I'm sending a big hug for you.

Thinking of you. x

missmelo · 21/05/2011 14:08

Oh my god I'd be in bits if it were my little dog, he is certainly a big part of our family and I can't bear to think of him being sick or heaven forbid....passing. YANBU at all. My heart goes out to you. I hope everything will be ok and that your dog will not be in any pain. Take care

Punkatheart · 21/05/2011 14:09

This is an appropriate time for hugs. I am so so sorry. Our animals are deeply embedded into our family too - so I fully understand.

Think of all the wonderful things. Treasure her and just keep being the wonderful owner you clearly already are..

ChippingIn · 21/05/2011 14:18

You think you're bad, I'm in bits just reading the posts and remembering my fluffy babies who have passed away.

I love that you took her to play in the waterfalls and that she might get a camping trip in with DH. All you can do is make whatever time she has left the very best it can be, get lots of cuddles and take loads of photos.

You are not alone
x

Willowisp · 21/05/2011 14:49

of course you're not BU ! I don't have a dog, but had a cat that became very ill very quickly, in the space of days. I was gutted for her & for us, nothing could be done for her, although I didn't know that at the time. She was operated on (I think she had some sort of tumour in her rectum so poo couldn't come out) which was never going to work, so I feel guilty that her suffering went on for a couple of days unnecessarily.

She was pts at the vets & I brought her home in a box wrapped in tissue. Somehow it was quite comforting seeing her curled up like she was asleep & I was able to stroke her.

We buried her in the garden, DH wrote a little speech & we planted some flowers around her grave. They'll always be a place in our heart..

Big hugs to you

Original poster
follyfoot · 21/05/2011 15:09

Sad Such sad stories.

Have put a photo of the blonde on my profile. She prefers to go incognito Grin

OP posts:
lubberlich · 21/05/2011 15:17

I miss all of the wonderful pooches I have been lucky enough to share my life with. My old girl now is not doing too well and I know we won't have her for much longer.
Dogs rule. They really do.
I am so sorry for you at this time.

7to25 · 21/05/2011 15:27

lord Byron wrote a lovely poem as an epitaph to his dog Boatswain.....google it. It might make you cry, but just shows you that you are not alone in caring deeply for your dog.

Lunabelly · 26/05/2011 10:27

Hello OP follyfoot, just wondering how you are today?

Original poster
follyfoot · 27/05/2011 23:12

Aw hello Luna. How lovely of you to ask. Doing OK thank you. Our beautiful girl starts radiotherapy next week to help delay the return of the tumour. She's extra loving at the moment which is very sweet but heartbreaking to be honest. After the surgery to remove her tumour, she developed septic arthritis so we cant really take her for walks at the mo, but we are going away for a long weekend next week and she is coming with us which we're really looking forward to. Trying to fill the time with lots of good memories Smile

OP posts:
mammabelleboo · 27/05/2011 23:19

YANBU-they are part of family life and become so special. Whenever dd writes about our family it's ALWAYS mummy, daddy, dd and darling dog! We are a 4some not a 3some. I feel your pain - have been through it 2 times before - every time I say, no more dogs, but I love them and my family is not whole without one. I know the pain that the end brings, but on balance, the joy of what they give you in their short lifetimes outweighs it. Your dog knows she's loved and that will mean the world to her, whatever the outcome - thinking of you and darlingdog and hoping for happy days ahead. x.

FreudianSlipper · 27/05/2011 23:29

totally understandable why shouldn't you be this upset your dog is part of your life

i still can cry over my little cat rosie who was put down 8 years ago. cats do not tend to be as much of a family member but she was still my little cat
:(

Joolyjoolyjoo · 27/05/2011 23:41

Hi Follyfoot, sorry to hear about your dog. one of the things I usually tell my clients is that although YOU know she has cancer, she doesn't. IME dogs carry on happily until the coping mechanisms stop working and then they go downhill quickly, rather than the slow decline you see in people. To this end, I never do predictions on "how long". Just enjoy her, and see how it goes.

My own old boy is 16. Pretty much completely demented, but still enjoying food/ walks/ life, even if he doesn't really seem to know who I am these days Sad We thought he didn't have long a year ago, and he is still going and happy.

The biggest downside to dogs is that they can't live as long as we do. But they do get to get to live their life to the full until they can't, and then they are allowed a dignified end. I watched my FIL die of lung cancer and I was shocked- I would never have let a dog go on like that Sad Sad

Our pets are special. They have a great life, and take up a special place in our hearts. I hope you get to enjoy good time with your girl, and be assured, she will never really "leave" you- they never do. Amazing creatures.

FabbyChic · 27/05/2011 23:44

Oh that is so sad, I really hope he pulls through.

I have a dog myself and would be devastated if anything were to happen to him, or I had to see him being ill.

Andrewofgg · 28/05/2011 12:21

People: depending of course on your age the chances are that your dog or cat will go before you do. If you are of small-child rearing age it's very much to be hoped that it will!

So please, just don't get so emotionally dependent on any pet.

OP, I'm truly sorry this is hitting you so hard. When the end comes, don't listen to the well-meaning people who will tell you to get another one; you will only be lining up the same ordeal for yourself down the road. Put your dog-keeping days behind you.

Mollydollydoll · 28/05/2011 12:34

I'm so so sorry about your lab. Got two doggies myself my older dog had a lump removed last year luckily is wasn't serious but always finding lumps on her now, she's 10. They are part of the family so YNBU I hope your lab will be ok.

Mollydollydoll · 28/05/2011 12:35

Can I ask is it a hard or soft lump as mine was a hard one x

Original poster
follyfoot · 28/05/2011 13:44

The lump has been removed Molly - it was a squamous cell carcinoma of her frontal sinus, so not the usual lumps and bumps that older dogs get (shes not 'old' anyway).

I find your message a bit odd Andrew to be honest. 'Dont get emotionally dependent' Hmm We love her dearly and that is how it should be. None of us are dependent on her, but she of course is dependent on us and that is part of the love you have for a dog. As for your advice to put our dog-keeping days behind us, I think that is something we will decide when the time comes and we will do what is right for us. I strongly believe that Alf was right:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

OP posts:
TigerseyeMum · 28/05/2011 13:47

YANBU Love is love and the love you feel for your dog is as real as any other.

We lost both of our dogs last year and I still cry at odd moments when I think about holding them or stroking their fur.

They rule our lives with a paw of iron then we have to face a life without them.

BeerTricksPotter · 28/05/2011 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuietTiger · 28/05/2011 13:53

Follyfoot I can only send you sympathy and a hug (and bollocks to MN if they don't like it!) and let you know that there is another person here who knows what you are going through.

They worm their way into your hearts, don't they. You are so TNBU to be upset. We're thinking of you.