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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crying toddler and whiny neighbour - what to do?

61 replies

GeekLove · 20/05/2011 17:51

Right i have a 2mo DS and a 2.6yr DS. Now DS1 had a miserable time teething and did wake him up and he complained which was not surprising although there isn't much we could do about it. Now DS1 has a summer cold and has been waking up but nowhere near as much as last time and it's only been 4 nights in the past two weeks.

It turns out thaty neighbour phoned my DH to complain that DS1 was keeping them awake at night and it was affecting their work. I am a bit surprised not least that they did not speak to me who is at home most of the time. Also I'm not sure what they are expecting since we live in a terraced house and have another DC and they haven't suggested anythig we could do either. TBH I am surprised at this since they have a DC of their own although she is 18.

So AIBU to not do anything on top of what we are doing? We do not leave DS1 to cry in case you are wondering.

OP posts:
microserf · 21/05/2011 11:54

sorry, one more post. i really think it's not on to complain about crying babies. most other types of noise can be controlled. babies can't. it's part of life and it doesn't last forever. sorry northerngirl, i really don't agree with your posts.

some people are just unreasonable. we are currently in a victorian terrace. we hear the neighbours and they hear us. i'd be constantly on their doorstep if i complained every time they made too much noise. a bit of live and let live required.

Ciske · 21/05/2011 12:05

YABU.

Sorry, but if this affects their jobs, you can't expect your neighbours not to make an attempt to fix this, for which they need your help.

I live next to noisy neighbours and it's no fun showing up at work in the morning shattered because you couldn't sleep. It's even worse when these neighbours (like mine) don't give a shit and feel it's your duty to suffer through it regardless.

Your DH is doing the right thing: take all reasonable steps to minimise the impact on your neighbours without harming your children. Soundproofing seems like a very sensible compromise to me.

It's about being considerate neighbours, not about rights/laws. Compromise.

mrswoodentop · 21/05/2011 12:20

4 times in two weeks is hardly all the time though is it?

Asinine · 21/05/2011 12:29

Ear plugs are cheap and effective. I am deaf in one ear so I have a 50/50 chance of not being woken by noisy neighbours...

Meglet · 21/05/2011 12:29

It's what happens in a small terraced house.

I can hear my neighbours running the taps if my house is quiet. Heaven knows what they must think of my screaming children.

ScousyFogarty · 21/05/2011 12:43

geeklove. Yes neighbours can be a problem We are lucky just now chin up

CucumberMuncher · 21/05/2011 12:53

It's just life isn't it? Can't believe they actually complained to you about it.

I think my upstairs neighbours get annoyed when dd screams because I can hear them stomping around their flat when she has been loud for a while but they have never actually had the nerve to complain. If they did I would invite them in to try and her her to sleep!

NoraBone · 21/05/2011 12:54

pink ear pplugs

v good

LillyTheMinx · 21/05/2011 13:12

I don't think 4 nights in two weeks is that much really.

Our DD was waking every night crying, sometimes screaming, when her molars were coming through. It went on for weeks. There is no sound proofing between our flats and our neighbours never complained. I used to get very stressed about the crying keeping them awake, but they have always been very pleasant.

We are renting so we can't get soundproofing. It's bad for us too because they have woken her up in the past. They're not particularly loud, but it all sounds so much louder at night and first thing in the morning. We can hear absolutely everything. Sometimes I can tune it out, but other times it keeps me awake.

If the neighbours had said anything to us about the crying during the night I would have apologised. I think we got lucky to have such understanding neighbours...I think anyone else probably would've complained.

If I could afford soundproofing I would get it. For both our sakes.

The main thing I think is not to get stressed about it. It's bad enough worrying about your DCs without having to worry about the neighbours too.

Triggles · 21/05/2011 16:21

I had a neighbour a number of years ago that complained about noise from our garden (which really wasn't unreasonable and during the middle of the day during the week - not my fault her DH liked to nap midday with the windows open on our side). I kindly informed her that when they had regular massive domestics and he was beating 7 colours out of her in the evenings and she was screaming, I wasn't really keen on the noise they made either, but I was truly tired of calling the police over it. Grin They never complained about our noise again.

DirtyMartini · 21/05/2011 16:26

Northerngirl, you seem to be overlooking the fact that it's a baby causing the noise, not someone's radio or drum practice. Absurd to suggest that babies should be shunted to the other side of the house the moment a neighbour is aggrieved. What if you have neighbours on both sides? Put the baby on the roof?

As for duvet on the walls, it sounds utterly mad. I am speaking as someone who does get really irritated by noises through walls but I'd never complain about a baby. As someone said, it's unavoidable, part of life and passes soon enough.

GandTiceandaslice · 21/05/2011 16:28

This child is not crying all night every night.
So I think the neighbours are being unreasonable.
You can turn music down or off. To an extent you can control yappy dogs.
But a baby? Cellotape it's mouth?! I mean, seriously, there's not a lot that can be done.
As for changing where the child sleeps. That'd probably cause more problems & the child would cry more!

DirtyMartini · 21/05/2011 16:31

Jeez, Triggles, you used the fact that her husband was regularly beating her as a riposte in a noise discussion? If you really did say that I'm kind of speechless. What on earth did she say?

jeckadeck · 21/05/2011 16:49

I've always wondered what kind of neurotic idiot complains to someone about the fact that their baby or toddler is crying. It's so obvious to anyone with an IQ of more than 5 that there's sod all you can do about it.

Triggles · 21/05/2011 16:56

dirtymartini I'd called the police on them numerous times, and they knew it, and they knew I worked for the police for heaven's sake! Hmm Her DH was a complete and utter twat and she wasn't much better to be honest, although I still obviously don't believe that justifies abuse. She told me on a couple occasions that it (the beatings, etc) were none of my business and that I had no business calling the police (called me some rather choice names over it actually).

But yes, I did say it. She stood there, gaping for minute, then turned and left. What else is there really for her to say?

ChunkyPickle · 21/05/2011 17:08

I looked into soundproofing (I had screaming neighbours and their children - didn't occur to me to ask them instead!) and unless you go the whole hog, losing 6 inches of your room with acoustic breaks (gaps so that no solid thing touches another solid thing) you're really not going to do much. The sound used to travel really well under the floorboards for instance.

Babies (children) scream, it's not as though the parent is enjoying it either.

ThisIsANiceCage · 21/05/2011 17:17

We used this 2 inch rubber mat soundproofing, although I see on the website they have an even thinner version now.

It's excellent - doesn't reduce the sound to zero but makes the room habitable rather than like actually being in the room with the screaming parent baby. It's been life-changing.

We haven't bothered with under the floorboards, but have laid some acoustic mineral wool in the loft near the party wall.

cjel · 21/05/2011 17:34

Don't let the situation upset you. Babies cry neighbours complain, Like you've said its not often and you try not to leave them crying. Soundproofing sounds great although would have been better if they had soundproofed their house with no cost to you!!!!

fairydoll · 21/05/2011 19:23

Just smile and odd then go away and forget all about it..Kids do cry, they were kids themselves once. YANBU

dkeenan · 23/02/2014 11:09

I can't believe some of the complete selfishness I am witnessing in the replies to this thread. Is it really the case that when people have children, they have absolutely no regard for anyone else in the world?

You are all effectively saying that it doesn't matter if you are affecting your neighbours sleep and work since you are more important.

My wide and I are hoping to have children soon if we are fortunate enough. I certainly won't be taking any advice from you lot as it appears that you have no interest for anyone else's welfare outside of you own world.

jedishelly1 · 23/02/2014 13:26

What's your favourite song by The Cranberries, dkeenan ?

Sarahschuster · 23/02/2014 14:13

Really unbelievable responses. Of course you can't stop children making some noise, but why would you not do everything you could if YOUR kids were dramatically affecting the quality of life of your neighbours? The "fuck them, kids cry" attitude stinks. Yes they do cry, and there are things parents can do to mitigate the effect of the crying. If they can do something to make it better for the neighbours, they bloody well should.

Sarahschuster · 23/02/2014 14:16

"I can't believe some of the complete selfishness I am witnessing in the replies to this thread. Is it really the case that when people have children, they have absolutely no regard for anyone else in the world?"

From reading MN, it would definitely appear so, dkeenan. There was a great thread recently where a bunch of entitled mothers laid into a librarian who had the temerity to suggest that a library might not be an ideal place for a screaming toddler. Cue lots of "my pwecious pwince is ALWAYS aloud to run round our local library singing, the librarians think he is SO CUTE" (yeah, I bet...) type posts.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/02/2014 14:24

Even if the OP moves the child to a different room, he will just disturb another neighbour, so it's not solving the problem. The OP has 2 small children and given it's a terrace probably not more than about 4 bedrooms. What can she do? She's said her DH is sorting some soundproofing but it won't be 100 percent perfect.

I'm not yet a parent but I live in a terrace, surrounded by families and understand that babies cry. I suffer from a chronic illness and sleep is vital, so I pop on some soothing music (Ipod, MP3 or whatever) and go zzzzzzz. It's really not that hard!

Anonymai · 23/02/2014 14:27

The OP has probably long resolved this problem...

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