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Original poster

to ask if you use state or private education

1001 replies

manicinsomniac · 20/05/2011 17:22

Sorry, I know it's a little rude and personal but I only ask because I think that only 7-8% of the children in the UK are privately educated yet on mumsnet it seems to be massively higher than that which I find interesting.

So, if I'm not being too unreasonable to ask, do/did/will you use private or state education for your child/ren?

OP posts:
JoanofArgos · 24/05/2011 09:20

ah yes, that one. All of those who are pro-state bought a million pound house near a good school, and that's the only reason we think state education is a good thing.

Conversely of course, we resent and envy those whose children are in private schools because we're not happy with our choice.

Which is it, then?

Dozer · 24/05/2011 09:22

Um, never said it was everyone (or you) joan, or that anyone was resentful or envious.

MABS · 24/05/2011 09:22

I certainly expect dd to do well as she is a bright child so if she screws up being lazy I will be angry.

That would be the same at independent or state though. She is only doing as well as she seems to be because she has her indep school watching her pretty constantly and keeping pressure on her as she bone idle if left on her own.

Gooseberrybushes · 24/05/2011 09:32

if you don't agree there's a problem with state schools you must imagine that private schooling does not buy an educational advantage

soo......? why are you bothered? because not everybody has the chance to meet a duke, in shorthand?

they either give an educational advantage, or a contacts advantage..so which do you mind?

Gooseberrybushes · 24/05/2011 09:32

or which do you believe exists, firstly

Olifin · 24/05/2011 09:34

Bright children can (and often do) do really well in state schools. I hope your DD doesn't feel the weight of your expectations too heavily MABS

JoanofArgos · 24/05/2011 09:34

I've tried to explain, not sure how I can phrase it any differently. It's not so much that you've got an advantage - it's that you think you have that bothers me!

wordfactory · 24/05/2011 09:42

olifin I don't think parental expectation is necessarily a weight that need hang around the neck like the Ancient Mariner's seabird.

I come from an extrememly impoverished upbringing and went to a dreadful school, but my Mother's expectations were extremely high. She knew I was bright enough to do well and madw no bones about it. She expected me to work hard, behave well and go to university (no one in my family had ever or has since gone beyond 16). Talk of being a hairdresser would not have been tolerated.

I can only thank her and thank her and thank her some more.

But then it's always inyteresting that when a poor person has high expectations and dreams for their children they are to be applauded, yet when it's a rich person they are putting their children under too much pressure.

Olifin · 24/05/2011 09:51

I think having dreams for your children is fine, whether you're rich or poor. But expectations...I don't know. It just doesn't sit very well with me for some reason.

'Talk of being a hairdresser would not have been tolerated'. Why ever not? If that was what someone wanted to do, bright or not, then why would a parent not 'tolerate' it?

My own parents didn't have particular expectations other than that my brother and I should work to the best of our ability and behave well. Other than that, our life choices were ours. They hoped we'd get the exam results we were capable of getting so that we had choices.

FWIW, I've known some pretty bright hairdressers and builders. They enjoy their jobs and support themselves. What's not to like?

JoanofArgos · 24/05/2011 09:53

My hairdresser sends her son to the much-scorned comp near her, from where all the middle-class parents move away in year 6. She's very proud of him: he took a good few GCSEs in year 10 and is doing amazingly.

wordfactory · 24/05/2011 09:59

My Mum would have seen it as a complete waste of my talents.

As it turned out I got A levels, went to Oxbridge to study law, became a lawyer and am now a writer...so I guess she kinda had a point.

wordfactory · 24/05/2011 10:03

And FWIW I too know plenty of bright hairdressers and most of them don't own the salon. They work long hours, on their feet for low wages. Let's not pretend that for most it's the path to riches and liberty.

pinkhebe · 24/05/2011 10:04

ducesse my son starts at that school in Sept Grin

Olifin · 24/05/2011 10:11

If an individual has talents, it's up to them to use them or not use them, as they see fit, IMO. You wanted to, so you did.

No, hairdressing might not be the path to riches and liberty but job satisfaction is more important, isn't it? If someone enjoys what they do and they support themselves/their family, what does it matter?

Irrelevant aside....can I ask why people say 'Oxbridge' rather than naming the particular University? I can understand why people use it to talk about future possibility...e.g 'I'm hoping to go to Oxbridge', but why use it for past events?

MABS · 24/05/2011 10:13

Olifin - I assure you my daughter feels no weight from my expectations, we have not really had to sacrifice anything for her education, we still holiday 2 or 3 times per year etc, so she does not feel any pressure.

As I clearly said earlier, the state school i refer to, which would have been the only one for DD, was in special measures at the time she would have started, even the Deputy Head's child was not there. Many of our friends are at great state schools and doing very well, sadly the one near us then was not.

Olifin · 24/05/2011 10:14

Extreme example, but that guy with the insanely high IQ (can't remember his name but he's Korean, I think) works in a reasonably run-of-the-mill job having worked for Nasa in his teens. He got pissed off with the weight of the world's expectations on him and wanted to live an ordinary life.

Ishani · 24/05/2011 10:16

People have an idea if their childrens potential. And they are all different. I have 2 children I expect will go to university to study arts subjects and two I'd rather give them the cash to buy a house or travel the world with instead but they will all have a good education to ensure they had the same opportunities and I am happy to be surprised/proven wrong.

swanriver · 24/05/2011 10:17

I know I'm privileged already. I have a nice house, enough money, lots of books, lots of opportunities for my dcs.
I have this gut reaction that my children should go to state school and be part of the community. But we are sending our first dc to a highly rated comprehensive, does that make us hypocrites?
It is a mixed area.
I can afford private school, but somehow it feels wrong to assume I need my son to go there, for the sake of some perceived advantage. I want him to work hard, I hope he will, at whatever school I send him too.

worldgonecrazy · 24/05/2011 10:18

Private sector, though it is a Steiner school so cheaper than many other private schools.

seeker · 24/05/2011 10:26

"Private sector, though it is a Steiner school so cheaper than many other private schools."

You're still being fleeced!

Gooseberrybushes · 24/05/2011 10:32

Joan, of course one is allowed to say one dislikes private schools because you think it makes private pupils think they are better than other people. Think it, say it, whatever, but there's no way that's a good argument for getting rid of them. I mean that really is very little more than a shoulder chip.

seeker · 24/05/2011 10:36

You know, I think the problem here is that the private school brigade
just cannot believe that anyone would not make the same choices as them given the opportunity. So that's why, whatever those of us ideologically opposed to private education say, the other "camp" looks at it, then says "No, that can't possibly be true - they must either be jealous or have a chip on their shoulder."

worldgonecrazy · 24/05/2011 10:36

You're still being fleeced!
Sorry I haven't read the entire 23 pages of the thread but I'm not sure why I'm being fleeced? Unless it's that my taxes will still support the failing state system even though I am choosing to opt out of it. That's the only fleecing I can see?

silverfrog · 24/05/2011 10:42

oh pmsl, seeker.

I know plenty of people who have chosen the (admittedly excellent) priamry school. in fact, lots of dd2's friends are currently at preschool with her, but willnot continue into the prep, instead going to the state primary.

thye are in the same position as me, but I assume have different requirements of their school. frankly, it's not up to me what they choose for their family - andI assume that I in turn am not being judged for keeping dd2 at teh prep.

what I see more commonly on these threads is a refusal to accept that someone choosing a private school may indeed be choosing the better option for their child - "no, no!", the cry goes up - "not ALL state schools are crack dens, you know"; or, more sniffily, "there's nothing wrong with the state system"; or, even more chippily, "do you not want your little darling mixing with the riff raff then?"

absolutely no allowance made for the fact that a lot of parents do look at all the options, and choose the right school accordingly. and that sometimes, no matter how good a state school is (ie academically) it cannot offer the same as a private school can.

Thereisnotry · 24/05/2011 10:45

I have enough money to pay for private school but we use state. I wouldn't send my children to a private school if they paid me to be honest.

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