Hi, i am feeling a bit cross and emotional about this and struggling to get perspective. Wondered what others' opinions were.
Basically, in a month or so it's DS 5th birthday. it's on a Tuesday and he wanted his party on the day.
DH works shifts as a warehouse shift manager. Not a very high flying job, or that well paid but ok.
He said he would be fine to come to the party and would take leave or swap shifts.
He has now been invited to be part of a company wide project which involves some weeks' training in holland and germany.
he was asked which dates in june and july he couldn't do and gave DS' birthday as the only date he couldn't make. earlier this week he responded to an email written by someone whose first language wasn't english who had made a mistake with may / june on the lists. DH said he was in a hurry and said he could make the dates. He realised 4 hours later on speaking to a colleague that he had read it incorrectly and that he had committed to being there on DS' birthday as the training is mon-thurs that week . he didn't email back to change his mind as he said he had 'committed' to it. he says he can't do anything now as the circulation list is huge and involves lots of people. he claims if he misses that day he might as well opt out of the whole project. he also says the culture at work has changed so that there is no longer any negotiation or democracy, everyone is told what to do, if you are seen as being anti change or ask anything you are out.
he is worried about his perceived lack of commitment if he says he can not make that day.
i am a sahm at moment and have been for 13 months now so i don't want to be too harsh on him, as i am not currently in a working environment.
i am really upset for DS though.
mil (who to be fair is 80, lives 5 miles away and would have to take a taxi) says she won't come to the party as she has been there / done that with her own and her daughter's children. my parents who live 200 miles away are hoping to make it but have warned me that their patio is being done and if it is not finished they won't make it.
i have already sent out teh invitations but i could look really stupid in front of the mums at school and change the date and send out revised invitations. it's in a particular play gym that DS wanted though so i don't know if i could change it (4 weeks to go).
i haven't told DS yet as it has only blown up over the last few days and DH has only confirmed today that he can't make it. maybe he will be ok with it.
on a purely selfish basis i'm also worried, even though it's at a playgym of the logistics of managing a tired and grumpy 2yo DD and paying some attention to DS on his special day and carrying his cake etc on my own (know that sounds pathetic but worried i will look stressed and disorganised).
i can't stop crying about this for some reason, i have got it a bit out of proportion haven't i?
should add that DH hasn't been abroad with work for probably 18 months maybe two years.
the project doesn't involve any more money. he has done a similar thing before to do with company wide training and delvering it to his area but it didn't necessarily lead to promotion or anything although i think it was good experience and he enjoyed it as he doesn't always enjoy his main role that much. he hasn't had a pay rise for 3 years and earns £29,000.
ps have looked into flying back but due to timings of party and flights, we arent' in london so there aren't many flights locally, he'd probably end up taking two whole days off or nearly two days. and it would cost us hundreds of pounds. he is also two hours drive from the airport the other end.
so i guess a genuine AIBU to be upset? to ask DH to come back for it / tell the people he can't make that date? AIBU to change the party date? wwyd?