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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to recognise a cat I 'lost' over a year ago and accuse the 'owners' of being lying bastards!

55 replies

RuddyNora · 19/05/2011 17:53

6 month old kitten went missing last year. A one colour cat with no markings at all but I saw him in the street the other day and I KNOW it was him. I recognised his face and his elegant demeanor as did DH!

The location that he was in was close to where he went missing (we have since moved) so definitely would fit. He was overjoyed to see me - purred like an engine. I noticed that when other people walked past, he got skittish and walked away but when they had gone he came back. He also literally ran to my DCS and let them cuddle him.

I rang the number on his collar and the person said that they had got the cat from a rescue place longer ago than when he went missing but they sounded very defensive IMO. Is it conceivable that they are lying? Now I don't want the cat back, he has been away too long and is probably settled but I would expect anyone who found him to try and find the owner - we had loads of posters up, rang all the vets, rescue places, ad in the paper - I even spent 4 days leafletting letterboxes in the area. My DCs were so upset. DS has SN with sensory issues and absolutely adored that cat. We all cried and DH even spent nights out searching for him (which I was amazed at!). It hit me really hard as it was the DCs first pet and I was pregnant so I was sobbing about him . We thought he had been taken by a fox and I used to torture myself with images of him meowing for us in pain .

I had him neteured just 2 weeks before he went missing and had made an appointment for him to be chipped as we were waiting for the next payday. Am really cross about that!

I want to tell the people who have him now that I know they are lying (issues as DCs at same school). AIBU?

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 19/05/2011 17:58

You can't prove it, you could be wrong (you're probably right) but the new owners may have rescued him after you moved? After the posters had gone?

I'd be very careful about calling them liars. I know lots of cats that are only one colour and have an elegant demeanor, and who are friendly.

I'd be pissed off, but put it down to experience. Cats wander, if they're not chipped they may wander for good, find themselves a new home etc., you were unlucky though and YANBU to feel bitter and sad.

bubblecoral · 19/05/2011 17:59

Unless you have concrete proof, you probably shouldn't say anything.

If they are lying, they already know that you know, and probably feel suitably shit already. If they don't, nothing you say is going to change them into decent people with an conscience (sp!)

JamieAgain · 19/05/2011 18:00

I know people who have fed cats and so lured them away from their real owners, knowing or at least suspecting full well they were not strays. It happened to me as a child and my MIL has done it several times, including 2 kittens from a neighbouring house. She rationalises it to herself that the cats are not well-cared for then over-feeds them until they are obese.

Since you can't prove it's your cat, and you can't prove they are lying about getting it from a rescue centre, and you don't want it back, there's not much to be gained from telling them they are lying, IMO. I doubt they will ever admit it, even if it's true.

ashamedandconfused · 19/05/2011 18:00

I think you just have to let it go, its your word against theirs and you might be wrong

what if they can produce evidence of the rehoming? might just be one from the same litter as yours?

Goblinchild · 19/05/2011 18:00

You don't want the cat back, so do you really want to take this path?
You have no proof that he's yours, because he isn't microchipped. If they got him from a rescue centre, he may well be chipped with their details.
Even if he is the cat formally known as yours, they can deny it.
He is well looked-after, and if he was yours once, you know he's happy and not fox poo.

Original poster

RuddyNora · 19/05/2011 18:01

Aldi - their story is that they got him before 'ours' went missing. The tone worried me though. I was extremely polite in a 'hope you don't think I'm crazy' kind of way.

OP posts:

Bumfuzzle · 19/05/2011 18:01

yes. you don't know they are lying. You believe they are lying, which is a different thing.

They possibly sounded defensive - or worried - by you phoning up, maybe they thought you would demand the cat back.

Perhaps they don't remember exactly when they got the cat - there could possibly also be a small chance it is a different cat that took a shine to you for some reason.

You know that he is safe, you say you don't want him back, there is nothing to be gained by telling them you 'know' they are lying. Especially when you don't.

If you wanted to say anything, then you could tell them how good it is to know that he's ok, how grateful you are to FINALLY know what happened to him, because you worried for so long, you cried, the kids cried, you searched for him for ages, you leafleted the whole area etc etc

Big dose of passive aggressive shit should sort you right out

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 19/05/2011 18:01

I don't think you should say anything. YANBU to be really pissed off and upset but as you say you don't want to uproot the cat and have him back and you don't have 100% prof=of that they are in fact cat rustlers. As annoying as it is I would keep quiet. Not much of a consolation but at least he is still alive and kicking.

JamieAgain · 19/05/2011 18:03

The trouble is, no one really owns cats anyway, AFAIK.

aldiwhore · 19/05/2011 18:03

I guess I'd have to have seen their panic stricken faces or heard the tone to know! Well they probably already think you're a little crazy so ring them back, shout 'catstealer!' and put it behind you.

Does the cat look well looked after? If so I think its a happier ending than all the things you worried about, and the cat won't much care, even if it was pleased to see you.

manicinsomniac · 19/05/2011 18:05

How big was the difference between when they said they got him from the resuce shelter and the date you lost him? Could they just have the dates mixed up and they DO have your cat BUT got him from an animal shelter that he might have been taken to as a lost cat (some cats wrench their collars off)?

If you're right though, I'd be so upset and angry and have a hard time not saying anything. Who just keeps somebody else's collared cat?! Especially if they are seeing posters around the area.

In reality though it's probably not worth saying anything, you have no proof and it could cause problems for your children at school

Awful situation though, really feel for you.

JamieAgain · 19/05/2011 18:05

Will you/have you got a new cat?

Get one from the Cat's Protection League and they'll neuter and chip for a donation

JamieAgain · 19/05/2011 18:05

Cats'

ashamedandconfused · 19/05/2011 18:05

thinking about it, say someone got your cats twin at the same time you got him as a kitten, and could not cope, or for whatever reason changed their mind, its more than possible that kitten was rehomed before yours was 6 months old and went missing

and they WOULD get defensive, wouldn't they, some nutter woman ringing up and accusing them of having her cat LOL

VivaLeBeaver · 19/05/2011 18:08

The thing is I don't see how you can be sure especially as being a one colour cat he doesn't sound very distinctive. A cat of mine went missing once and then a year later I thought I found him in a cat shelter - right colours, same markings, seemed very pleased to see me. I told them it was my long lost cat, but it was a girl not a boy.

I'm sorry you lost your cat but this one probably isn't the same one.

stickytoffeepud · 19/05/2011 18:15

you sound a bit bunny boilerish OP :)

hairylights · 19/05/2011 18:29

Yabu.

Original poster

RuddyNora · 19/05/2011 18:59

Nope, cat was one of a kind in the litter and the runt which is why I chose him . I know that cat and I am not wrong. In fact someone said to me a few months ago that they could have sworn they had seen our cat. I dismissed it as we were sure he was dead. I now realise that she walked up that road every day so it could have been there that she had seen him. I will ask her. So it's not only me that 'recognises' him.

Is it bunny boilerish to wonder how someone else got your much loved cat then? .

OP posts:

Nixea · 19/05/2011 19:03

It's a bit odd that you feel the need to follow up with this given that you've already said you don't want the cat back. Surely you should just be happy that its looked after and healthy and move on from the situation. Otherwise it seems you'll be causing grief for yourself and the other family for no apparent reason, especially as even if the cat was 'stolen' it wasn't necessarily done by the new owners.

TrillianAstra · 19/05/2011 19:05

Did the cat look like it wanted to come and live with you?

We need a test.

Stand at either ends of a long corridor or path.

Put cat in middle.

Whoever cat goes to can keep cat.

If cat fucks off sideways, cat clearly isn't that bothered about either of you.

takethisonehereforastart · 19/05/2011 19:16

I don't know really if YABU or not.

If my dog had gone missing and I thought I had tracked her down I would be upset too and I'd want to know how the new 'owners' got her.

But if someone rang me up out of the blue and said they thought my dog had once belonged to them I think I would sound defensive too (even though I bought her from a breeder and have all the paperwork of ownership).

If they got her from a shelter they should also have some proof of that. They will have some paperwork or the shelter will have records (and usually microchip pets before rehoming them).

But even if they have no proof, you still can't prove that they stole the cat. And without a microchip how could you prove it was ever your cat?

As you say that you don't want the cat back now I think you will feel better if you just let this go and decide to accept that your cat chose to rehome itself rather than was stolen by someone. Better that than it was hurt or killed somehow.

Andrewofgg · 19/05/2011 19:54

YABU. It's a cat, for Pete's sake, not a child, and not even a valuable. Get over it.

belgo · 19/05/2011 19:58

Even if it is your cat, there is no proof they stole it from you. Maybe they found it or got it from a rescue place as they say. If you are reassured they are looking after it, then I would let it go.

LDNmummy · 19/05/2011 20:30

I have seen this happen. In that case the cat was a very distinctive ginger striped male cat and it seemed to just vanish. A year later myself and others saw him around the neighbourhood and realised someone had taken him. He was a well loved family cat that had been with this family for years so it was sad. The cat is now a few roads away so the family were happy to know he was nearby and happy and well and just left it at that (after a lot of angry debate over whether to confront the people at the house the cat seemed to now ed mis be a resident of). That was the first time I realised people did that.

Original poster

RuddyNora · 19/05/2011 20:38

I am not accusing them of stealing the cat. I am accusing them of lying and being dishonest. If they found the cat and decided to keep it because the could not find us, fair enough, but I find it hard to believe they even tried as the most obvious thing to do would be to call local animal shelters or vets to see if someone reported a cat missing. We even have a missing pet hotline in our town or they could have contacted the council animal warden. I also advertised extensively. I even begged our local supermarket to let me put up a poster next to the cat food as DS was so distraught.

takethisonehereforastart how else could I have asked the question without calling the number on the cat's collar?

I said I did not want the cat back just because too much time has elapsed and I would not want to distress it or the DCs in that family as mine were distressed. I would have argued for it if we were only a few months down the line. We have not got another pet and will not be getting one.

So would all of you just let it go, really? I just wanted to let them know that I know and hope they would feel a bit of remorse. Oh and tell them I hope Karma bites them on the ass.

Andrewofgg you have obviously never experienced the distress of your DCs when they lose an animal, or maybe you are just stupid?

OP posts:

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