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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to recognise a cat I 'lost' over a year ago and accuse the 'owners' of being lying bastards!

55 replies

RuddyNora · 19/05/2011 17:53

6 month old kitten went missing last year. A one colour cat with no markings at all but I saw him in the street the other day and I KNOW it was him. I recognised his face and his elegant demeanor as did DH!

The location that he was in was close to where he went missing (we have since moved) so definitely would fit. He was overjoyed to see me - purred like an engine. I noticed that when other people walked past, he got skittish and walked away but when they had gone he came back. He also literally ran to my DCS and let them cuddle him.

I rang the number on his collar and the person said that they had got the cat from a rescue place longer ago than when he went missing but they sounded very defensive IMO. Is it conceivable that they are lying? Now I don't want the cat back, he has been away too long and is probably settled but I would expect anyone who found him to try and find the owner - we had loads of posters up, rang all the vets, rescue places, ad in the paper - I even spent 4 days leafletting letterboxes in the area. My DCs were so upset. DS has SN with sensory issues and absolutely adored that cat. We all cried and DH even spent nights out searching for him (which I was amazed at!). It hit me really hard as it was the DCs first pet and I was pregnant so I was sobbing about him Blush. We thought he had been taken by a fox and I used to torture myself with images of him meowing for us in pain Blush.

I had him neteured just 2 weeks before he went missing and had made an appointment for him to be chipped as we were waiting for the next payday. Am really cross about that!

I want to tell the people who have him now that I know they are lying (issues as DCs at same school). AIBU?

OP posts:
JamieAgain · 19/05/2011 20:46

Or, Trillian, Offer to cut the cat in half and see who protests.

Worked for Solomon

JamieAgain · 19/05/2011 20:49

I would be very annoyed (as I said, it happened to me as a child and I was distraught), but I think you have to let it go. Hopefully karma will get them

JamieAgain · 19/05/2011 20:50

... if they did act deceitfully

Maternelle · 19/05/2011 20:53

YANBU. I am sure most posters who don't see the problem would react differently if it was a dog.
I would also let go though but kind of let them know that I know...

iamafolder · 19/05/2011 20:54

(have namechanged)
I feel really bad for you OP.
You're right to be pleased he has a good home and it's is good the cat's alive.
I would just say that to the new owners; you maybe wrong but you believe he's yours but are glad he's ok now.
How terrible though, even to lose the cat in the first place.
When I was young and cats went missing, people would always say it was gangs of kidnappers and testers, but then they found out that actually most cats were just 'rehomed' a few streets away.

AnywayBlush
our cat was 'found'. A neighbour saw some kids with a kitten who'd been apparently abandoned on waste ground and gave her to us. We put up posters, searched for 'missing' signs and investigated where she'd been found, but in the end kept her. I resolved that if anyone ever came and said she was theirs, I'd say she was from a shelter. We really love her.

Sorry OP.

SparklyCloud · 19/05/2011 20:55

If it was me, I would be stealing him back, then microchipping immediately. have you still got the posters as proof, or any other prof like asking thw vet if anyone has found a cat? he obviously remembers you, and the dc.

As for andrewofgg, "YABU. It's a cat, for Pete's sake, not a child, and not even a valuable. Get over it." you are a dickhead.

iamafolder · 19/05/2011 20:57

I've just realise my post sounds like I'm making out I am your cat's new owner! I am not, ours is grey. Just saying how you get a cat in good faith, then worry.

EustaciaVye · 19/05/2011 20:58

YANBU to ask them about the cat.

But YABU to assume they are lying bastards. They may well have got the cat from a rescue centre, or the cat may have adopted them. They may have tried finding its owners but without a chip that can be hard.

If a stranger phoned me up and starting asking why I'd stolen her cat I'd be defensive tbh.

Original poster
RuddyNora · 19/05/2011 21:01

OMG - I did not ask them why they had stolen my cat. I politely enquired how they acquired it after telling them we had lost a cat. I was very jolly and polite and not accusatory at all.

OP posts:
takethisonehereforastart · 19/05/2011 21:27

RuddyNora - I don't know how else you would have asked the question, I was just putting forward a possible explanation for them sounding defensive when you did, based on how I expect I would take a call like that if I were on the receiving end of it.

And having read the thread again I think YABU to tell them you know they are lying because you don't. You believe they are lying and I think you want them to be lying, but you don't know they are lying about when they got him.

But even if they are lying about the date they got him it doesn't mean they took him. They could still have got him from a shelter but when you told them when yours was lost they felt worried and added a month or two to the timescale out of fear that you were going to try and take him from their children no matter what you said on the phone.

I'm sorry you won't be getting another pet, clearly you were all very upset at losing this one and I hope it's something you reconsider in the future.

hebejebe · 19/05/2011 21:45

We had a lovely little black and white cat which kept running away to our old house (1/2 mile away) after we moved. She lived rough on some waste ground but we managed to find and re-home her with friends who lived in the country. Three weeks later she went missing, never to be seen again....

Fast forward a year, and a little black and white cat appeared in our garden, same markings, very friendly and I became convinced it was our cat - except it had part of its back leg missing. Obviously, it had got caught in a snare during the long arduous 25 mile trek back to us.... I fed it, enticed it into our home, took it to the vet and discussed the back leg and possible amputation....

And then it appeared one day wearing a collar and address tag. I went round to the address (literally round the corner...) to clear up the confusion with the misguided neighbour who had taken my reunited cat to be a stray... to be told that the cat was hers, it was only a year old, it had been born with a deformed leg and .... it was a male cat. Definitely NOT mine then! I apologised profusely, kept schtumm about the vet's appointment (though I still laugh when I think how I almost mutilated a neighbour's cat and how on earth I could have apologised for that!). But I was convinced it was my long lost cat and I was very wrong!!!

If the cat is happy and you don't want it back, let it go.....

TiggyD · 19/05/2011 22:35

Tell the new owner you want a cat just like theirs and ask where they got it from. The shelter should have records. Don't they visit the house where the cat will be living first?
Cats are property. If it was yours they have stolen it. (Theft by finding?) You could get it back via the police.
I'm not sure it's in the cats best interest. Or the new 'owners' but if they nicked it they deserve to lose their baby?
Not sure what I would do. Want it back I think.

OppositeOfBlooming · 19/05/2011 22:46

It's not possible to own a cat. They are NOT property. Your only hope would be if you'd electronically tagged them, thereby investing money in them.

YellowDinosaur · 19/05/2011 23:21

Well I come from totally the other side.

About 10 years ago I lived in a flat with 2 cats. A third one (with a collar on making it obvious it belonged to a neighbour I didn't know a few doors away) used to constantly come in through our cat flap. When I saw him I would kick him out the front door and within a minute he would have jumped up on our back wall and be trying to get back in. He was lovely and friendly but I kicked him out constantly as I didn't believe in feeding other peoples cats as I would be upset if someone did this to mine. However given that I wasn't goingto spend my life sat by the cat flap (and didn't want to get one where the cats wore a magnetic 'key' on a collar) it was pretty impossible to ensure this didn't happen.

A year or so down the line I found out through a series of coincidences (including one of my cats being killed by a dog but thats another story) that the owners of this cat had moved away. And he was very clearly still there and coming into mmy flat. Hearing they had moved I started feeding him although I did ask at the local vet (at the end of the road) if they had any contact details for the owners and although he was registered with them the only number they had was for the flat they had left. I left our contact details with the vet. Then, a couple of days later, he came in without his collar on - who knows whether this was an accident or if his old owners removed it.

Anyway said cat is currently sitting next to me on the sofa. His owners to my mind gave up all rights to him when they chose to move house and not take him with them. If anyone called me up saying I had their cat I would give them pretty short shrift! I think your situation IS different not least because less time has passed (and agree that you can know it is your cat) but if you don't want the cat back (and cannot prove it is yours) I would walk away knowing at least that your cat is loved.

cindyincidentally · 20/05/2011 00:41

This happened to me years ago. I had a very distinctive cat, white and deaf with differently coloured eyes. He went missing and years later I was told - bare-facedly - by a girl I had known slightly at school that she had taken him because she 'liked the look of him'. She knew he was mine and where I lived. But I had another cat by then and he was fine, so what would have been the point in doing anything about it? You may as well just try to be glad he is ok, OP, and hope they feel bad IF they are lying.

NulliusInVerba · 20/05/2011 01:01

Some seem to think this is no big deal or not likely.

Recently my cat went missing. I was devastated, called all the vets / shelters etc, searched everywhere, he was gone ages.

I then did posters and door to door, also leflets.

Amazingly, my cat was back home within the hour.

People not too far away, who knew full well he was my cat, had taken him and then bottled it when the realised the extent i was going to to get him back.

There are some nasty people out there OP. He may well be your cat.

Animation · 20/05/2011 05:41

If you were sure it was your cat why didn't you just take it home? I would.

nooka · 20/05/2011 06:03

I can totally understand why you would like this cat to be your kitten, as it would put all those thoughts of him coming to a bad end out of your mind. But given the hundreds of cats that are rehomed every year it is just as likely that the cat you saw was not your kitten. I'd also say that the way this cat behaved toward you is unlikely to be an indication of any remembered affection because on the whole cats don't really behave like that. We have two rehomed cats from our local homing centre. If someone rang me up out of the blue and implied they were their cats I would be very suspicious, and I might well as a way of getting rid of them say we got them a while before we really did (I'd probably be quite hard pressed to tell you with any accuracy when we got them too). I would be very defensive because our cats are members of my family, and I woudl have absolutely no cause to be wrong footed as I know where our cats came from and the rehoming place have a record that they were surrendered.

I'm very sorry you lost your lovely kitten. It was obviously very upsetting, especially for your ds.

Goblinchild · 20/05/2011 06:24

'If you were sure it was your cat why didn't you just take it home? I would'
Shock So, going with your gut feeling to distress another family?
Even more important for everyone to have their pet microchipped.

Wormshuffler · 20/05/2011 07:27

I would have called their bluff and asked if you could get it scanned. Their reaction to this would have confirmed it either way.

Animation · 20/05/2011 07:36

Goblin - if the cat was MY long lost cat I would take it home. Oh course!
The other family would have to get their own.

Animation · 20/05/2011 07:38

Of course!

Goblinchild · 20/05/2011 07:38

What if it wasn't, but you believed it to be?
My son would be distraught if someone took his cat because they thought it was theirs, and I would take legal action.

Goblinchild · 20/05/2011 07:40

Wormshuffler, the OP had the cat for 6 months and didn't get it microchipped. Hopefully the scan would show that the new owners were more responsible.

Goblinchild · 20/05/2011 07:41

'New owners' I meant the current owners of the cat the OP is insisting is hers but doesn't want back, she just wants to call them liars without evidence.