to think that too many people rely on the Tax Credits for their income.

[IdRatherBeInBed]

Bit of background first

My sister and her boyfriend has got back together after they split up last year. She was then claiming income support.

He has moved back in with her so her benefits have all stopped. she works 13.5 hours a week, he works over 30 hours. They earn £17k between them. Which lets be honest in this climate is not alot of money.

Shes just called Tax Credits to let them know hes moved back in and wanted to know what she would be entitled to WTC wise. Due to her HB/CTB stopping. Her rent is £500 per month, CT £100 per month. She is entitled to £4.90 per week.

I am sad for her because after all rent, ct, bills have gone out shes isnt left with anything. her food bill for the month has had to be cut to £200 per month. She has a car on finance (through my dad) which is shagging her tbh due to engine size (she got it when still with partner before splitting up and he had to get a 1.8 sport^^) her insurance with just her on it is £115p/m. - (she isnt 25 yet)

Anyway she called them last week to ask how much she could be entitled to, they told her £80 per week so she was like
"ooh we can afford this, we can afford that" so went out and spent £100 on clothes for her, him and nephew. I told her not to rely on what they have said because it could be wrong but she wouldn't listen and was saying 'it will be right'. Today she rings me bollocking me as to why she is only entitled to £4.90 per week.

FFS why bollock me - i dont work for them.

WIHBU to have said to her 'cancel your £24p/m gym membership, get rid of the car or change it if you can, stop getting things from catalogues that you cant pay for and get your arse of a boyfriend to stop spending money you don't have on shit like £5.50 magazines each week, stop getting shit for the garden you dont need, you don't need so many fucking flowery things to make a garden look nice.

Or what i come across as a complete and utter bitch.

She is one of these who says "oh i have no money" but yet has enough for new clothes or go out for a meal, or takeaway"

Many cannot move

If we move nobody has a duty to house us and no private LL will touch us

No SNU will have a school palce for the boys

These are the basics of life; without these we are quite literally stuck here even when Dh and I graduate next year

I didn't mean you specifically, not everyone can move although people across this planet leave their partners, their children and their lives to work abroad and send money home and sometimes that's the best thing for the family even if just for a few years.

Without doubt loads of people move all the time and get jobs and manage it. Obviously some people can't but vast numbers are able to. If you aren't then my other ideas above are not without merit about seeking self employed work and the like. There's nothing special about me but if I can sit here behind a computer and make money I am sure some other people can.

I'd love to move, but I'm not allowed to. Never seeing my dd again to me is too high a price to pay. Guess I am going to be called selfish now.

Man, that was a wall of text. You touched a nerve, I think, because I devoted about fourteen months just recently to trying to move. I found an amazing bungalow, it met all the legal requirements: no bigger than our current 2bed, all on one level, near to family. It was in a place with different care charging criteria, so I could still get 30 mins a day assistance while working, it was so perfect. He could have had an electric wheelchair. He could have gone outside. I bargained the price down 50k. I could have worked.

And I went to every bank, applied to every scheme that exists, read all the social security law and the DWP guidelines, sourced the equipment, got people to agree to do the adaptations on a shoestring, got a MORTGAGE agreement while on benefits and this is AFTER the rules all changed, and brokered a deal with the new council to do a shared ownership scheme where their (already budgeted) relocation grant was instead invested as part of the deposit.

And then they decided they wouldn't do that so we had to stay here.

I tried so hard. And this is the thing, I guess. What your life has taught you is that if you just try hard enough, work long enough, you'll get there. But it's a sample bias, just like mine. I do keep trying because what else is there to do? The time passes whatever we do in life, so we may as well tilt at windmills as watch them turn. And in many ways I'm glad for you, that you think that, that you have managed to triumph, with hard work and dedication and just wanting it enough. I wish I could think that. I'm glad someone thinks that.

But every day DP tries hard and wants to get up and walk and it will never happen. His neck is broken. My life is broken. It doesn't matter what I do, how hard I try, how long I toil. The state requires me to be here, to work for 34p an hour to save them paying a care worker, so it has constructed a trap to keep me here. If I ever get out, and I won't stop trying, it will not be because I worked harder than other carers I know, it will be because I was luckier. Because I slipped through the net. And if I never get out, I know you'll think I just didn't try hard enough but I know that I did. I know it. I do my best. This is it.

Oh I know you didn;t eman me Xenia; I just assume if I can;t then neither can others- can;t be particularly unique in my situation and can think of many others that require people to stay put, such as family childcare for shiftwork.
And yes i agree ther are other routes; DH's internet shop launches after the Whitsun break (sell DJ and stage lighting equipment so very niche but is what he is an expert in). Does take a skills abse though- am waiting for Dh to do the webpage for me to0 try a business idea but poor man just hasn't got the time until his is done and there's no way I would know how to set up the page! My skills are many but not that.

I think there's the crux, Peachy - we all generalise from our experiences. Xenia thinks well, if I can do it, anyone can! And I assume that if someone can't do it, they have a good reason. The truth is obviously more complicated, inhabiting both positions and untold others.

It is not my experience that the world operates with a reliable degree of, what's the word, causality? The gravitational force of an increasingly hostile society distorts the connection between my actions and their consequences. I am not a person who matters. I have low social value. People do not read my letters. What I say to social workers is not what they write down. I cannot escape their preconceptions. I may as well say anything. This is structural inequality. This is how people become disaffected.

Here's an example: when I was at special school, I was entered for five GCSEs. You could only take 5, there was no option to take more. After the mocks I was withdrawn from English Language -the teacher said I would not pass. So I took four GCSEs. When I got an A* in English Lit I was very confused. I discovered later, much later, that there was no funding for us to do A-levels, and if I'd had five GCSEs I might have realised that. As it was, on my sixteenth birthday I went to school and they said, oi, your funding is up so you might as well go home. And that was that. This is structural inequality: not failing, but not being allowed to take the exam in the first place. I'm not crying myself to sleep over it, or blaming all my troubles on it, but how can we solve problems if we refuse to identify them?

In England we do fairly well in enabling a large number of people to live in the charmed world where what you do matters, where work is rewarded, where the law protects you and society has a meaningful order. I think we do very well, on a global measure. But it doesn't mean that it is true for everyone in England, or true to the same degree. Who you are is still a powerful modifier for what you can do.

I respect Xenia's success and I'm glad to hear about how she got there. Apart from anything else, that's useful information. It's always useful to hear successful people talk about their methods. But I don't think it gives her special insight on failure or the myriad paths there.

Good post acumein.

I had similarish actually; not Sn school but treated as a problem student. not allowed to do extended exams or anything. Now, 20 years on, have almost completed my MA. So, shucks to them and their generalised crap!
DS3 and ds1 in their Sn Bases are allowed to shine now; ds1's AS comp has a sixth form and ds3's unit takes chidlren with extremely high IQs and low ones, and teachers a personalised timetable. Works wonders.

Life's complex and the more barriers you have the more that arise as a result. Quite often they are bloody stupid ones- such as ds3's taxi drop off exactly clashing with the time the childminders do the school collection. Ridiculous but also insurmountable.

Applauds acumenin.

I've been out (travelling long and hard for work as ever out before 7am etc etc but gosh I'm not suggesting my life is difficult compared to many).... so not really read all the posts in detail above.

So acumeni presumably if you weren't there the welfare state would care for your husband who cannot move from the neck down. Presumably you love him and don't want to leave him but if you did - separated and moved is that one solution and then you of course visit as very much as is possible wherever they then move him to and then get yourself back on your feet to earn more money for the children and you and then eventually so he can come back to be with you?

If I were home in that sort of situation I think I would at least try to write a book which I nkow isn't that easy but some people manage it. People pay me (not fiction) to write for money - it's a small part of what I do but I could see that if I were trapped at home I might try to expand on that.

Even sites like peopleperhour every day are putting out tenders for people to proof read and check things and write web copy etc.

on the website needing to be set up other post could you not sell via Ebay ASAP as lots of reputable sellers do all their selling on a commercial ebay site rather than have one designed?

Xenia I don't sell (basically, ASD behaviour support consultancy is my field) but in fact that's exactly what DH has done to get him to this stage where now he can expand to a form website (as ebay fees have become such a huge take of our income and website costs tiny in comparison).

In fact I have heard to day that Cardiff Uni is interested in me for the MA SW conversion. it means zero income for two years (bursary will cover cost of course and petrol alone) and depends on Dh's business succeeding or not, which I can only try to support as far from qualified in his technical field. It's yet another attempt at getting somewhere although was- and this is actually funny in a very dark way- the second of my kids has now been refered (ADD this time, we all need variety ) so i have a full set. I know it seems oddd I am joking; I am a firm believer in laugh or go insane.

I am thinking about the book actually; I do have an angle and of course we are an atypical family with a story to tell. Privacy is an issue (fiction isn't an option- heck the boy's ASD comes from somewhere after all..) and I am trying to suss out how best to manage that but that would be alongside all the other stuff I would need to do in order to get my CV as shiny as possible which has to be a better bet overall.

Thing is, Cenia's advice is often great. but the people who don;t care about dependency won;t care or listen. the ones who do and are trying are likely, if they have failed, to have difficult circumstances. And possily more likely to feel targeted as at fault for not trying ahrd enough IYSWIM?

The thing about moving is intersting. Sister's DH has been amde redudnanyt and has got a job other side of the UK, so working away mon- fri. On less pay, so will ahve to find rent as well. Sister works shifts so can only keep her own, far mroe highly wqualified (but vocational so underpaid) field job is Mum gets on board and covers all childcare, including one 48 hour stint. mum is almost 70, and is the only care we have for our boys for any respite at all. There is a verys trong chance that mum will decide she has to support sister's work-enforced needs (based on previous decisions made by Mum) and we will now lose any input or support at all, meaning I am even less likely to be able to generally cope- it's only since Mum agreed to take boys twice a month for a few hours that I started to make friends again, and I was suffering hugeky from the isolation (not Dh being mean- it's a hobby we do adn Dh's skills are central whereas mine are not).

I just don't believe there are asnwers beyond the level of individual ones. Not online anyway, where we cannot possibly get a whole life story dn knowledge of someone's skills as we might for a RL mate.

( And 7am? Lightweight . 5am start and 6am shopping delivery here dontcha know.... ... have a late one tonight so will be fetchingly snoring in car no doubt)

I'm not competing as I try to work smart and not hard and I've done my share of all night stuff before now.

I do think it's worth people thinking about all possible options. Presumably you can't import a very cheap live in woman who can sleep on a made up bed in the living room on a fairly low wage to help with the children?

Twas a jokey post there Xenia LOL, ds1 dosn;t settle until late and you know, i LOVE that first hour where I am the only one up. Breakfast alone, cofee then the boys rise and need supervision.

Bliss.

I always feel bad when I refuse options but our tenancy forbids us employing someone. And so do social services, due to ds1's aggression. I understand that totally. Besides, people don;t take low wages with SSN chidlren: they'd need someone with specilaist asd experience and a Nanny friend at uni gets £30k a year for two, we have 4!. We may well consider an au pair at some future date just to do pick ups for an hour each side but ds4 is still a toddler. Besides, I'll be honest: I can't imagine anyone would stick around with ds1 as a live in as he is right now. People here causes far bigger meltdowns than anything else- still have cuts from when lasy came to visit about getting ds3 a trike!

Even with a very low paid woman anyway, this is Sputh East Wales: barely anything pays above minimum wage so even that would be unaffordable. It is a suggestion of mine that claiming DLA should trigger the ability to be able to use your child tax credit childcare grant more flexibly - not more money, note, but more flexibly: be able to bring in a carer rather than a registered nanny for instance. It's the silly things like that could make a difference really. Actually access to after school club for SN kdis would help enormously; the only one locally is over subscribed (so can choose which kids- and not the aggressive ones obviously) and only takes children up to eleven. The issue there it seems is planning permission, at least in the village at a premium. I am not qualified to do it(and graduates cannot get funding for the NVQs necessary- I tried) but if one of the Bases did it would be hugely empowering.

TBH if Dh can get the business going we are sorted; he is based from home on a laptop when he needs to be (can manage site trips in school hours) so he can manage drop offs, if I can lower my standards enough to allow them to be entertained with a DVD or Wii game whilst he works on the PC. Spocial Work can be done as a subby basis if I find FT is too much with the lack of sleep, and is soemthing that pays well and I am good at. DS4 starts school in 2012, next intake for current applicants is then, if I can get ds4's and ds2's diagnosis sorted within the year then I might stand a chance of actually completing. the fiances will be shaky but we have said I will start, take it a day at a time and even if I have to withdraw will have more contacts, have more experience and have tried. One step at a time, manageable chunks etc. Our rent is manageably low for the area, we are not expensive people- just going to give it a shot.

I do think it is a shame Carer's doesn't pay out for a time if a carer is studying a vocational qualification. I get that Governments think within their own term of ofice for payback but really, long term it woudl have huge impact. It might even be that carers with degrees taking vocational quals (post grad or optehrwise) have access to teh student finance scheme for Carer's equivalent income on a loan basis, that would be fine; just seems there are so many ways to really give people a bump up that are neglected.

It's a different world, all that dependence on the state for so very much. We had to pay 50% of each of our salaries for childcare (ie one worked for nothing) in the days before tax credits and the like.

Anyway it sounds like you have a plan. There are loads of students with no jobs who would tolerate children with SN and we're not talking about sole charge all day, just a few hours. So even if you coudn't have someone live in because the tenancy says you are not allowed to employ anyone who lives in may be there is a possibility of employing someones by the hour or could you swap with another family and each take the others' children for a bit?

Xenia tolerate is not enough, it just is not. I need someone that I can guarantee would not lose their temper if they are bitten, have their hair pulled, or are thumped in the face whilst being sworn at. They must be fluent in PECs (a symbol based language) as well.

And no I don't feel bad about dependence; it's why I paid the insurance for twenty years of work. In case everything went tits up. I will be brutally honest: I think anyone who can;t work out why we are struggling has an empathy disorder.

Care costs around £2k per week if coverd by the state; probably more, my figures are somewhat ancient. very, very few people who think they have the resources can cover that, and there is no way to potect against needing it. And you know full well there are few jobs that would ever pay enough for that level of security. there can;t be; otherwise poeople such as yourself that need teams of chidlcarers / eklderly care / TAs in school / road sweepers / HCAs etc wouldn't be able to afford them. That's economic reality adn always will ne unless we morph into Cub or a similarly unlikely scenario shows itself.

Carers like me are considered to save the Welsh economy £50 billion plus a year. That's real money.

And LMAo at paying 50% of salaries for childcare.

yes so did we when we both worked. And?

People aren;t born into carer status; they have full lives before it and do not get any more concessions than anyone else. The boys were over 5 when diagnosed; we ahrdly locked them in cupboards until then to save pennies!

You are lucky that at that young age when your chidlren were little nothing went severely awry. resources and opportunities vanish faster than you thin when ypu (categorically not a Nanny and both aprents if at all possible- as in not one dead or missing) have three or more meetings a week to attend.

Is all.

I'm not saying everyone can work or even sit at home and write a book in "spare" time if they are caring for others. I was just giving hints.

Yes, I'm very lucky none of the children nor I haev been ill. It's the best thing about our lives actually the good health. Doesn't matter what you earn if you feel ill it's awful.

Obviously there are some conditions people can seek to avoid. Women my age who are 18 stone not 9 and eat a bad diet and drink a lot and smoke are going to have in general much worse health than I do so you can try to tip the scales in the direction of good health but even so a lot will be in the lap of the Gods.

Oh absolutely I agree there.

And if you have bad health and even often disability there's a lot that can be dne at a personal level sometimes to improve that.

A lot of it is about not writing people off as well. So ds1 has AS and severe behaviour issues but also has a reading age 2 yeras above his level (ds2's is 4 years above) and a talent for jewellery design; if I am stuck here at least I can concentrate on developing his talents so he can become independent (jewellery design being something that can be done self employed and from a bedroom alone and sold online if needed).

it's quite possible to maximise and indeed minimise take by the decisions you make but they are often subtle: if my skilled care can get the boys working as best they can (or indeed simply as independent as possible) that benefits everyone by far more than my taxes or take level.

It's a complex field.

And I do think that before we start looking at and blaiming carers and the disabled ( and the new system does do that, I have it in writing from Maria Miller that our income as a working family will fall) we should be looking at the masses of young people pissed in the city centre at 11am on a Monday morning; helping the middle aged blokes sat outside the job centre on a weekday looking depressed becuase they know their working lives are over.

I contribute: a day's volunteering at a SNU, disability support etc: my work with the boys has real, material value and one day the taxes will be paid (by me, DH already does) too. There are others out there who are completely ignored becuase theya re less visible and they need some real help now.