to want to by my DS's first pair of shoes myself?

[smithster]

We're planning to go and my son's first pair of shoes on the weekend. My mother in law decided that she wanted to pay for them. I had to tell her (politely) that my DH and I wanted to pay for them ourselves. She looked slightly taken aback but didn't say anything. When I spoke to my mother, she said she wouldn't like it if I'd said that to her. Am I being unreasonable to want to buy him his first pair of shoes? My mother in law obviously thinks it's a special occasion, so why shouldn't I? Because my mother and mother in law both help to look after DS when I'm at work (which I'm very grateful for) I feel like I'm not allowed to have an opinion. Also, my DH never ever speaks up about anything so it's always me who's the baddy! Aaaarrggghhh!!!

Also just to say, where we live in NI, apparently it is tradition for grannies to buy first pair of shoes, I didn't realise this, it was my mum that told me, I was very while grabbing the money out of her hand. But staff in shop told me the same.

Remember you'll have a much longer time with your DS than your parents may have with him and they clearly help out loads so it's lovely to let them have some special moments with him.

Very well said mamalovebird. Has made me a bit teary to be truthful

really in a few months time when you are buying yet another pair it will not matter and you will be happy for anyone to buy him shoes. i have kept the first pair but not really fussed that i bought them (from maintenance so could ague his daddy bought them)

i think it was a nice gesture take it for that nothing else

You will be utterly shocked at the speed feet grow at that age!

oh no, wigglesrock! I am from NI (DP, DS and I live in England though) and I may just have unintentionally hurt my mum's feelings. I feel bad for not waiting until she visits us next week - she would never say anything, though.

I still don't think YABU, you weren't rude to her, and you haven't given her a mumsnet mil slating. You just want to do the whole first shoes thing yourself.

I don't get the "pick your battles" thing either How is saying no thank you starting a battle?

SisterCarrie Well, if you're like me - you'll be wracked with guilt no matter what you do

Remember you'll have a much longer time with your DS than your parents may have with him and they clearly help out loads so it's lovely to let them have some special moments with him

THAT'S what I mean by pick your battles - she wants to do something nice - take the money and put it towards something else if it means so much but to refuse is churlish and unnecessary imo and actually really bad manners!

My last post was in answer to HeadfirstForHalos btw.

Oh Quenelle, I didn't mean to make you teary :(

MY mum doesn't really 'do' the grandparent thing and my dad's dead and DS is DP's parents first grandchild. DP's mum has just got over breast cancer so all the time they spend with him is precious. They won't be here forever, so I think it's important for DS to have a good relationship with them as they adore each other - sometimes I just have to put my selfish tendencies to one side for what I consider to be the bigger picture. Plus we'd really struggle without their help so it seems right they get to share in some of his big moments.

And really, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a deal to get in a sweat over.

Valium - know exactly what you mean about picking your battles.

DS's grandparents save us a fortune in nursery fees so some things aren't worth getting worked up about when they actually do us a huge favour.
We bought virtually no clothes for DS in his first year as they were so excited to have a grandchild, they went totally overboard.

I'd have LOVED either grandmother to come with me when choosing DD2's first shoes. I miss not having them - they died way too young.

Be thankful, be gracious. It sounds as if you were a little rude and a precious to me.