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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not arrange a first birthday party

29 replies

Madamolive · 18/05/2011 12:30

My childs 1st birthday is fast approaching and me and my DH have decided against having a birthday party and are going out for the whole day (just the three of us) (travelling a couple of hours to this lovely wildlife park).
AIBU to not understand why the IL's are upset about not seeing their grandchild on their birthday? My family are not the slightest bit fazed. They can see him another day and his birthday does fall on a weekday so majority of everyone is working.

We really wouldn't have enough time in the morning or when we get back for visitors to pop over- it would have been a long day with a very early start so all of us will undoubtly be exhausted.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 18/05/2011 12:33

Who arranges a party for a 1 yr old? YANBU. Enjoy your family day :)

IMissSleep · 18/05/2011 12:35

My DS 1st bday is in Aug. We have told In laws that his actual birthday will be spent with us and we will arrange a visit some time after. Although mil has been going on about what day they will see him and has arranged a big family party at her house. I've said we will come for a few hours but won't stay the whole day.

End of!

beesimo · 18/05/2011 12:35

You are being selfish OP a babies 1st birthday is a really big deal I can't believe you are not including the ILs in a celebration, oh B is shocked and appalled you rotter

Nixea · 18/05/2011 12:35

YANBU - makes perfect sense to me and I bet the three of you will have a great day!

Could you maybe compromise and invite the inlaws over another day for a mini-shindig? Just some sandwiches and a cake, nice and simple.

Katiepoes · 18/05/2011 12:36

YANBU to not have a party, your day sounds lovely. Some people feel more strongly about seeing people on birthdays though, so your inlaws aren't being odd either, so maybe a bit unreasonable to not understand? Is your baby the only grandchild on that side?

Valiumredead I'm having a party for mine, what's wrong with that?

EssexGurl · 18/05/2011 12:39

We did not have a party for DS until his 3rd birthday - first time he was aware of it. However, we did have birthday lunch with both sets of grandparents and balloons and cake etc for both DCs first birthdays. It was a lovely day and a real family celebration. You cn go to a wildlife park any time - but photos with the family and GP's are a one off on the day itself. For DS's 2nd birthday we went to the zoo the day before, just the three of us and then had family over on the day itself. Everyone was happy.

youngwomanwholivesinashoe · 18/05/2011 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 18/05/2011 12:43

Is this to do with a party, because you're saying you can't understand why your ILs want to see their GC on their 1st birthday.

That's a bit unfeeling of you to deliberately not understand why they might like to see your DC.

What is it you can't understand?

ratspeaker · 18/05/2011 12:44

YANBU
the child will not remember if it had a 1st birthday party

Your IL could have a cake at a day near the birthday if it's that important to them

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 18/05/2011 12:45

YANBU - it will be lovely having a day out just the 3 of you.

I did a party for DS 1st Birthday and look back now and wonder why the hell I bothered...if's not as if he knew anything about it!! Actually, I had 2 parties, one for friends and one for family....what an idiot Hmm

Go for it, you'll have a lovely day! :)

Original poster
Madamolive · 18/05/2011 12:45

beesimo- its horrendous i know, especially as iv been to some pretty crappy 1st birthday parties in the past...... :O

but thankyou, yes will arrange at the weekend for everyone to shower my child with --gifts love!

OP posts:
Original poster
Madamolive · 18/05/2011 12:45

gifts damn trying to type fast

OP posts:
Original poster
Madamolive · 18/05/2011 12:47

Sorry didn't explain properly, i can't understand why they are upset (they are both working) so its not like they would have alot of time to spend on my childs actual birthday!

OP posts:
ClipArt · 18/05/2011 12:49

YANBU to not have a party. Nice that the ILs would like to see you though, can you compromise by inviting them for the next day?

AgentZigzag · 18/05/2011 12:54

I suppose because you see so many threads where the OP's complaining the GP couldn't give a shit about their DCs birthdays etc, it seems a bit odd to me that you don't understand why they'd want to mark the actual day with probably one of the most important people in their lives.

If they're both working, it's nice they're making the effort for your DC despite being tired and not having much time.

beesimo · 18/05/2011 12:59

Madameolive

Pleased with your change of heart. When your bairn is a older and feeling a bit miserable teenage spots for example you can get the photo albums out and say 'oh look here's your 1st birthday photos there is Gran and Granda Granny made your cake and Grandad blew the ballons up for you cos they loved the bones of you, then watch your kid smile!

Never miss a opportunity to show them they are/were loved by their family celebrate everything you can and allow as many people as possible to show love for them. Even if their ways are different to yours include do not exclude.

fatlazymummy · 18/05/2011 13:08

I agree with Beesimo. I didn't have a real relationship with any of my grandparents, I don't have any warm memories of them at all. My children are the opposite, I made sure they had plenty of contact and that meant that sometimes I had to do what other people wanted to do.
We never had big parties for their early years but we did have some kind of family get together. Well worth whatever effort I made, IMO.

valiumredhead · 18/05/2011 13:10

Valiumredead I'm having a party for mine, what's wrong with that?

Nothing, I hope you have a lovely day :)

saffy85 · 18/05/2011 14:56

YANBU but then I would say that coz we did same as you and took DD out for the day Smile had a lovely time. Did have a mini get together at the weekend with cake, candles and a few balloons. Nothing major, only us, grandparents and my sister and nephew. DD watched her cousin open her presents and play with her new toys and then proceeded to smash her fat fists into the ooey gooey chocolate birthday cake. A good time was had by all.

Katiepoes · 18/05/2011 15:24

I think I'll come back here after my baby's party and have had a change of heart about this. I have just realised how many people are coming. Gulp.

Blatherskite · 18/05/2011 15:25

My MIL has a real thing about having to see her DC and GC on their actual birthdays. She's not so bothered about parties but likes to give her gift and see them on the actual day. Fair enough, it's just the way she is. We've taken DS out on his birthday before, she just pops round before we go or after we get back - everyone's happy.

I have always had 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc birthday parties for the DC though. My family don't live nearby so it's a good excuse to get everyone over. Hell, they're even coming down for my birthday next weekend and I'll be 33! Shock It's a 4 and a half hour drive for my Brother so he generally needs feeding etc while he's here anyway anyway, might as well be party food Grin

pookamoo · 18/05/2011 15:28

We didn't have one for DD's first birthday, but our antenatal group did get together and share a cake about half way through all the birthdays. We also had a family day out, exactly as you are planning, as DD's birthday is 2 days after DH's birthday, so he chose a day at the zoo for both of them, and we plan to let them take "turns" to choose a day out for as long as she is happy to carry on doing that!

We made more of a fuss for her 2nd birthday because we knew it would be her last birthday as an only child before DC2 comes along, but even so it was just grandparents, godparents, aunts and uncles.

Quenelle · 18/05/2011 15:31

YANBU What's the point in a birthday party for a one year old?

I wouldn't drive two hours to a wildlife park either.

Liliesandveuve · 18/05/2011 15:34

well, you can do what you want for his birthday, but yabu to not think that other family members will want to celebrate it.
i love 1st birthday parties, I love any party!

Katiepoes · 18/05/2011 15:36

Our party is more for me and DH to celebrate not having killed/broken her in a whole year. It's all famly coming though I wouldn't put friends through it.