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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I made DH get up in the night AIBU?

35 replies

handsoffmycake · 18/05/2011 07:19

I made DH get up last night to put DS who is 3 back into bed. He had fallen out and was really crying.

I was feeding DD who is 1, in our bed (as I had been up and down all night and finally relented and bought her into our bed) I didnt want to disturb her by getting up and putting DS back in bed myself.

It is rare I ever wake DH up in the night. I have always done the nightwakings as I breastfeed and I appreciate DH gets up early 4 mornings a week.

DH was not happy as he had to be up for work at 5am. He works 24 hours a week. Shifts of 6am-12pm.

I am SAHM.

AIBU to wake him up every now and then if I need him?

OP posts:
DoingTheBestICan · 18/05/2011 07:22

No of course you arent,they are his children too yes?

mitochondria · 18/05/2011 07:23

YANBU. 24 hours a week is not mega-hours, even if he does have to be up at 5 he's home again by lunchtime.

When my children were smaller we shared any night time stuff (apart from the breastfeeding, which husband not so good at).

SeriousWispaHabit · 18/05/2011 07:23

Nope, not unreasonable. If he is only working until 12 he could always have an afternoon nap if exhausted.

Annpan88 · 18/05/2011 07:24

YANBU and he's lucky to have someone so considerate. HIS child had hurt himself while you were with HIS other child. Not much else could be done xxx

Havecrowsfeetneedbotox · 18/05/2011 07:24

No! You were busy and they are his kids too.
I see no reason why he would be annoyed and getting out of bed to help his DC.
Is he always unreasonable? He seems very inflexible and unhelpful.
He's lucky you have previously done all the night feeds so he has not been bothered before.
Tell him to get a grip!!

sausagesandmarmelade · 18/05/2011 07:26

Of course YANBU

AnyFucker · 18/05/2011 07:28

are you really doubting yourself about this ??? Confused

Original poster
handsoffmycake · 18/05/2011 07:28

This is great. Thanks for your replies. I think when it comes to sleep he is unreasonable. He finds it hard to cope with little sleep and very difficult to function when woken in the night....hang on so do I... Shock

I just need to talk to him calmly when he comes in from work and explain this is life with children. Sigh.

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 18/05/2011 07:29

What everyone else said. If he gets up early, he should go to bed early enough to get enough sleep - he works part time, the actual hour he gets up in the morning is irrelevant. When my daughter was still waking several times a night and I was working a LOT more hours than your husband does, I built it into my sleep amount; so I'd go to bed 9 hours before I had to get up, to allow for the inevitable lost hour overnight. Because I am an adult and not a whiny entitled baby.

Original poster
handsoffmycake · 18/05/2011 07:30

AF I do doubt myself about the most silly things. I need a new DH methinks.

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 18/05/2011 07:30

Talk to him calmly - you mean he didn't just grumble a bit, but is angry enough that it necessitates an actual Serious Talk?

Jesus.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 18/05/2011 07:31

No you are not my dh drives for a living so like you I've taken it all on myself however occassionally he will get up especially if we're having a tough time with her (3).

I fully expect him to help ic I am feeding when new dc arrives soon.

I do think they kind of get used to not having to do it, especially if you are bf. Oh and he works twice as many hours as your dh Wink

Original poster
handsoffmycake · 18/05/2011 07:33

Tortoiseonthehalfshell I should think he will just grumble TBH but I was really angry at his grumbling last night. I didnt say anything then, but have been more and more angry today. Its me that needs to stay calm really.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/05/2011 07:34

I need a new DH methinks.

well, I didn't say that, you did

but really, if you doubt yourself on such a simple straightforward issue, I would have concerns about what the rest of your relationship is like

hope you are ok

FWIW, people who complain that they have it much worse wrt to being bad tempered when sleep-deprived are often twats in other areas too

his sleep is more precious than yours, ergo, you are second-class citizen and he is more important than you

saffy85 · 18/05/2011 07:34

Ofcourse YANBU 24 hours isn't mega hours, his son needed someone and you were otherwise occupied.

I don't think my DP would have complained given the circumstances and he's up ay 5am and sometimes not back til well past 8pm due to heavy traffic/forced breaks.

Original poster
handsoffmycake · 18/05/2011 07:39

Hehe I do love you have come onto my thread AF

Deep down I know I am not wrong - he would also know this but is a giant Knobber on certain things. I dont have many RL friends so come on here sometimes to make sure I am not a big cow or something.

I am happy to tell him when he comes home that if I need him in the night, regardless of work the next day he needs to just get on with it.

I know I should not have to tell him this.

Thanks for hoping I am ok. I am getting better! Grin

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 18/05/2011 07:40

My DH would often get up in the night and I was/am a sahm. YANBU at all.....parenting is a full time job and though he works out ofthe home he still has scheduled breaks etc....which you don't. So YANBU at all.

magicmummy1 · 18/05/2011 07:42

Definitely yanbu. He is being a selfish, self-righteous arse.

Does he do stuff in the house/with the kids in the afternoons and evenings, or is this all left to you as well?

BootyMum · 18/05/2011 07:42

YANBU.

Your DH is being ridiculous. Fair enough to have a little grumble at the situation of having to get up in the middle of the night for a crying child, although this is what you sign up for when you decide to have children.
But if he is actually angry at you for his having to get up, well that is unreasonable. Especially if you are bf the other child Shock! I mean, what really could you have done?

My DH gets up automatically when he hears our 2 year cry out in the night [or if he is asleep and doesn't hear it I nudge him awake Grin] We are co-sleeping with the breastfed 3 month old and it just makes sense for me to stay with him whilst DH attends to the toddler.

Oh and DH also has to leave very early for work [around 5.30 - 6am] and he works double the amount of hours yours does so doesn't get home till at least 6pm if not later.

BootyMum · 18/05/2011 07:44

And I am also a SAHM. And SAHMs work jolly hard and have no time for naps during the day either as your DH should realise!

Original poster
handsoffmycake · 18/05/2011 07:47

I like the fact you all have normal DH who work full time and just get on with it! I picked and married hard work.

My DH is good in some ways and not in others. I have been depressed for ages (big suprise eh?) but am starting to feel it lift slowly.

I have a mighty lot of cobwebs to blow away...

Thanks for the support!

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 18/05/2011 07:50

FWIW, I went back to work when DD was 5 months, and with the commute I was working 4 x 11 hour days. I did the vast majority of the wakeups until we night-weaned at about 13 months. Since then, we've operated a strict 50:50 approach to night wakeups, irrespective of which one of us is working the next day; I now work 3 days, my husband works 4 but shorter hours than I do.

Oddly, both of us have been able to function at work without dying of being incredibly tired due to one paltry wakeup overnight.

littlemisslozza · 18/05/2011 07:53

No, YANBU.

When we had DS2 we made a deal that I would be in charge of him at night (I was breastfeeding) and should DS1 (who was 2) wake up then DH would see to him. DH had no problem with that, and he works considerably longer hours than your DH. He gets up at 5am everyday of the year (unless we go away), and as he is a farmer works until approx 7pm each evening. He does get the chance to have a nap after breakfast or lunch some days though which I know helps him, I don't get that opportunity so it all evens out in the end!

Good luck!

Original poster
handsoffmycake · 18/05/2011 07:53

Tortoiseonthehalfshell its largely my fault that I have not introduced my DH to the real world. I have protected him by just doing it mostly myself and not really complaining.

I think I might start complaining. Lets see how he likes it.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 18/05/2011 07:57

My husband does most of the getting up (although it is needed very infrequently, youngest is now 6). This is despite the fact he has to get up early in the morning and I don't. The reason we do it like this is because he snores really loudly, and if I get up and sort the children and then come back to bed and he is snoring then I CANNOT get back to sleep.

Although he does come back and get me if the children are poorly (he can't do the poorly child thing) but generally it is just a matter of "I heard a weird noise" or bad dreams.