AIBU to want to meet and look after my baby before thinking of going back to work!

[Newmummytobe79]

AIBU to be upset by DH?s family who keep asking me when I?m going back to work and planning what days they can look after baby when I?m only just over half way through my pregnancy?

My Mum has been really supportive and has kindly offered to look after baby when I decide to go back to work ? which I am over the moon about and can?t thank her enough for her offer. My MIL then pretty much begged (borderline told) me to give her baby one day a week (which I thought was lovely and very kind) so I graciously accepted.

My SIL is now offering one day a week and I really don?t want to take another day off my Mum (I haven?t told her about MIL yet) and if I?m totally honest I don?t want my child brought up the same way as hers.

I genuinely am so touched that she wants to look after my baby but I just feel so suffocated! I feel like I?m having my baby taken away from me before I?ve even met him/her and learnt how to look after baby myself.

I really don?t want to even think about going back to work yet and although I know I should be grateful that I won?t have to put my baby into paid childcare ? I just feel like I?m the baby oven and they can?t wait to take him/her from me and for me to get back to work.

Has anyone else had this happen to them?

x

this is the second thread I have read in a matter of minutes when MIL is not given the same priority as your own mum. They are both the grandparents of the child; so why does one grandparent have rights above another?

cricketballs - have you actually read the thread?

Well thb, I think that it´s lovely that MIL & SIL want to help & support as well as your mum.

Don´t forget, they want to help their son/brother as much as your mum wants to help you.

YANBU - enjoy getting to know your baby before worrying about work and childcare arrangements! Hope that you manage to hold off all your potential childminders without upsetting them!

IgnoringTheChildren - "this is the second thread I have read in a matter of minutes" indicates that I have!

the op clearly stated "I really don?t want to take another day off my Mum (I haven?t told her about MIL yet)"

why does Mum get priority over MIL?

But tbh OP-your mum is doing the same-she´s offered to have your baby "when" you return to work.

cricketballs - the OP stated that "My MIL then pretty much begged (borderline told) me to give her baby one day a week (which I thought was lovely and very kind) so I graciously accepted." The comment about not wanting to take another day off my mum was in relation to SIL's offer.

Why do you think that her Mum is getting priority over her MIL? She has accepted what the MIL has offered - the point of the thread is that she's feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the generous offers of childcare when the baby isn't even born yet!

It seems that you are putting your own concerns about grandparents rights (and particularly those of MILs) into a thread where it really isn't relevant to the question asked.

nod and smile politely, thank them for the offer and say you haven;t got that far yet but you're very glad of the offers.

then give it a year and see what they're all saying when baby is crawling around and being messy. The reality then kicks in. if they are still offering great. Tbh sil sounds ideal as emergency back up.

tbh my experience is to pay lip service because mostly people who have'nt had babies around for a while are usually imagining happy contented baby, not the housewreckers they often are.

ItC; the thread is about people offering to look after the op's yet to be born child. Her own mum offered first, then MIL offered to which she has stated that she hadn't told her mum about MIL wanting to look after the baby for a day.

My concerns about grandparents stem from the obvious priority her own mum is having over her in-laws.

In my own case, then both sets of grandparents have had equal access etc to both of my children. But any concerns I may have are from the fact that I have sons and this leaning towards the Mums rather than than MIL maybe myself looking into the future and wondering if I am likely to be 2nd best as a grandparent as I am only the mother of the Dad in any future relationship

Tell people you appreciate the offers of help but you just don't feel ready to decide yet and you'll let them know once you've decided if/when to return to work. You're entitled to change your mind.

cricketballs - neither grandmother has any rights at all over their grandchild; only the parents have rights, and only the parents need make decisions about who should care for their child.