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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend is actually not my friend for saying this?

50 replies

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:12

Okay so me and my husband live in a one bedroom house with our pet labrador and I'm three months pregnant.

My "friend" who is supposed to be one of my closest friends just text me asking me if I was going to give away my dog because having a dog and a baby will be "too cramped and dangerous." We will still be living in our one bedroom house when the baby is born as we dont need a second bedroom straight away and would rather save the money.

Is it just me or is what she said totally rude? She said "most people" would give away their dog because its not safe to have both. Not only has she just insulted my ability to be a mother but she has just insulted my dog!

AIBU to be seriously pissed off with her and wonder if her friendship is even worth it if she can say a thing like that? Surely there are just some things you should keep to yourself?!?

OP posts:

Pictish · 17/05/2011 15:16

Think you're overreacting in the extreme if you're thinking of ditching a good friend over THAT!

Precious much?

Do try to get a grip.

SequinsAndSparkles · 17/05/2011 15:16

I don't think what she said is bad at all, tbh. Certainly not enough to end a friendship over!

Tbh, I agree with her. I personally wouldn't want a dog around a newborn baby. It didn't seem like she was saying it aggressively either, just as though she was wondering.

BulletWithAName · 17/05/2011 15:17

Wow...over sensitive or what?!

ClipArt · 17/05/2011 15:17

YABU. She was just saying what she thought and must have expected you to disagree. Tactless maybe, but not worth ruining a friendship over.

Original poster

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:18

Yeah well she was a good friend up until she was maid of honour at my wedding in January - I spoke to her everyday. I've not seen her since.... Oh except one time when she was steaming and needed a lift home after not speaking to me for 4 months. I've not spoke to her again since that as she is "too busy" until she just texted me saying that.

OP posts:

jeckadeck · 17/05/2011 15:18

I would be a tad irritated if someone volunteered that sort of advice because I don't think its anyone's business but yours, your DHs and that of your unborn child but I think ending the friendship is a bit over the top. Can't you just tell her to butt out?

LindyHemming · 17/05/2011 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/05/2011 15:18

Does she normally text you about stuff as important as this? Could it be an immediate response she's had to someone scaring the bejesus out of her about dogs and newborns?

Just seems a strange thing to text you about, definitely a face-to-face kind of topic.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 17/05/2011 15:18

Yup that'll be the hormones posting.

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 17/05/2011 15:19

I think it was rude and controlling of her

I wouldn't have a dog and a young baby in the same small space, personally, but that's your decision not hers and I don't understand why she would say it to you in a text like that, especially the "most people would" thing - that sounds like something an overly pushy MIL would come out with, not a friend

I would talk to her about it face to face before you decide to ditch the friendship though. Is she usually like this? Does she have a particular fear of dogs?

Hulababy · 17/05/2011 15:20

I guess we don't know how she said it, the tine, etc.

But on the face of it what she has said is not that bad imo. She has expressed a concern. Dogs and newborns are not a great mix unless you are very careful to always keep the two seperate and supervised, which is harder to do in a smaller house.

I assume that you have considered these things and are thnking of ways to ensure that the baby's safety is paramount, and how you can avoid any issues with the dog when baby arrives.

Flisspaps · 17/05/2011 15:20

YABO.

ImADinosaurSoRawrAndStuff · 17/05/2011 15:20

Why didnt you just send back with 'im not most people but thank you for your concern' thats all that needed to be said. Maybe she is hoping you would say to her 'here have my pooch'

BadPoet · 17/05/2011 15:20

YABU to think she's not your friend, but I do think it was a bit odd of her to text you specifically to ask. Fair enough if it sort of came up in conversation but texting you about it is a bit interfering IMO.

Don't get the 'insulted my ability to be a mother, insulted my dog' bit.

Sqee · 17/05/2011 15:21

YANBU! (well maybe a teenie weenie bit) She is probably saying it from love but I'm a dog owner and know how much they mean to us. Life will be alot easier if you let this one slide.

saffy85 · 17/05/2011 15:21

Eh? How has she insulted you and your dog? She asked a question. People asked my DP same question about his German Shepherd when I was pregnant the first time. Neither he or the dog felt offended by this. He simply said "no, she's staying put." End of the matter.

You need to calm down soon as possible. You're pregnant and you and all the decisions you make will come under much scrutiny from now on. And don't get me started on when the baby gets here! Everypne will have an opinion then. Enjoy.

Original poster

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:22

No she has had a dog before as a child. She is just like that. She says what she wants and doesnt care about anything else. Like I said, she has only spoken to me twice since she was maid of honour at my wedding in January.

And FYI I'm not an eejit. I wouldnt leave my dog and baby anywhere together without me there. I dont see why I should need to prove that to anybody.

OP posts:

Pictish · 17/05/2011 15:23

Jeez OP - I think you're having a ragey day.

Suggest a lavender bath and a nap or sommat.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/05/2011 15:24

Your friend has been spending too much time reading the Pets Available section on gumtree instead of Peter Pan.

YADNBU to be pissed off wih her, and if I had a 'friend' like that she'd be struck off my Christmas card list for sure because there are some people that it's definitely not worth arguing with.

Hullygully · 17/05/2011 15:24

I have never heard anything like it. Ever. Hanging's too good.

Original poster

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:26

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Thank you. Isn't a good friend supposed to be supportive no matter what the situation?

Hullygully Sorry, Im not really sure what you're saying

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/05/2011 15:26

Well, why wasn't your thread titles "AIBU to be hurt that my friend has spoken to me only twice since my wedding in January"?

It's a much more interesting question.

Original poster

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:29

WhereYouLeftIt Because I know the answer. She likes the spotlight.

OP posts:

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 17/05/2011 15:31

The idea that you should just get rid of the dog because it's no longer convenient sounds like the kind of thing a person like the one you've described would believe.

*'She was maid of honour ... in January - I spoke to her everyday. I've not seen her since.... Oh except one time when she was steaming and needed a lift home after not speaking to me for 4 months. I've not spoke to her again since that as she is "too busy" until she just texted me saying that.'

HRHPrincessZombiePlan · 17/05/2011 15:33

I think your friend is a frenemy. Who in their right mind would send a text telling someone that they ought to get rid of a beloved pet because of some cock-and-bull "concern"? I think that if she was actually worried, she would have raised the issue in coversation.

TBH she reminds me of a former flatmate of mine, who would preriodically try to make himself feel better by encouraging me do to things that he felt would make me unhappy in the long run. Needless to say, I'm no longer friends with him. Might your friend be jealous of your life - after all, you're newly married and there's a baby on the way - might she feel that everything's moving in the right direction for you and that her life's a bit shit by comparison?

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