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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend is actually not my friend for saying this?

50 replies

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:12

Okay so me and my husband live in a one bedroom house with our pet labrador and I'm three months pregnant.

My "friend" who is supposed to be one of my closest friends just text me asking me if I was going to give away my dog because having a dog and a baby will be "too cramped and dangerous." We will still be living in our one bedroom house when the baby is born as we dont need a second bedroom straight away and would rather save the money.

Is it just me or is what she said totally rude? She said "most people" would give away their dog because its not safe to have both. Not only has she just insulted my ability to be a mother but she has just insulted my dog!

AIBU to be seriously pissed off with her and wonder if her friendship is even worth it if she can say a thing like that? Surely there are just some things you should keep to yourself?!?

OP posts:

pinkytheshrinky · 17/05/2011 15:33

Good job you are having a baby so you can get some perspective on the 'insulting my pet' thing

Get a bloody grip

Original poster

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:33

Even You're right.

I was just going to keep quiet and not say anything back to her but I have kept quiet too long when she has done things and I just snapped.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:35

HRH I'm not sure. We are young, I'm 20, shes 21. I met DH when I was 15 and have been with him ever since... She still lives and home at gets wasted 6 days a week.............

OP posts:

Original poster

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:37

pinky To many people pets are loved just as much as children. They are still a large part of the family. Just because they're a different species doesnt make them any different

OP posts:

AngryGnome · 17/05/2011 15:39

To be honest, it's less the comment about the dog that makes me think she is a poor friend, but the fact that she didn't speak to you for four months because she is too busy. You can probably do without 'friends' like that.

And sadly you may have to get used to family/friends/random strangers believing they have a pivotal role in all decisions about your child! I am becoming teflon coated since DS was born!

Enjoy your pregancy and don't stress over things like this

Blu · 17/05/2011 15:41

If anyone insulted my dog, that would be IT!

takethisonehereforastart · 17/05/2011 15:42

YANBU to be annoyed about it. Maybe unreasonable to break the friendship over it.

It is a bit weird that she has all but cut you out of her life and then sends a random text to ask something like that.

My PILs expected us to get rid of our dog when I was first pregnant. I was annoyed because they found someone who wanted to buy her before they even asked us the question. I just said we were keeping her and made a point of sending them some odd bits and bobs in the news about children having less allergies etc when they live in a house with a pet.

Our dog is absolutely tiny anyway and spends most of her life sleeping under a chair in the corner of the living room. She's hardly a threat or a trouble to anyone.

Maybe it was her misguided way of showing concern for you and showing interest in your pregnancy. Still a weird way to get back in touch though.

But I am curious to know why your friend hasn't spoken to you for so long too. I know you say she likes the spotlight but do you mean she still hasn't gotten over you being the centre of attention rather than her, for just one day which was about four or five months ago (depending which end of January your wedding was at)?

AlpinePony · 17/05/2011 15:45

Tell her there will be bags of room because the "baby and the dog can share for the first 12 months".

Pictish · 17/05/2011 15:46

"pinky To many people pets are loved just as much as children. They are still a large part of the family. Just because they're a different species doesnt make them any different"

Err...it really does I'm afraid. Wait till you've had that baba, then see if you love the dog as much as the kid. Pmsl!!

Original poster

LoveTheWayYouLie · 17/05/2011 15:47

takethisonehereforastart

We have been freinds for a while which is why i asked her to be MOH. She wasnt actually even a good MOH she didnt even organise my hen night, I did.

She goes out drinking with other friends 5 or 6 days a week, pulling guys, whereas I dont drink (well cause im PG) but even then I didnt really drink too much before. So perhaps its because our lifes are differnet now.... Or maybe it's becuase she doesnt know how to socilaise without having a drink. Who knows. Maybe one day she'll change.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 17/05/2011 15:53

I do think this whole newborn babies and dogs don't mix talk is a load of bollocks.

But tbh I think that you are underestimating just how much space a baby and a dog will take up in a one bedroom house. That's not to say that you should get rid of the dog, of course it isn't. but I think it's unreasonable to think that two adults a growing baby and a labrador can sustain living in a one bedroom house for long.

AngryGnome · 17/05/2011 15:58

Friendships can and do change when you are PG - all of a sudden your life has a whole new focus, your lifestyle inevitably changes, even more so when the baby arrives, and it can be hard for some friendships to survive this.

She may just need to adjust to the fact that you will have different priorities now.

And my piece of unsolicited advice re dog baby is to get a gate so you can shut dog in one room away from baby if necessary.

AngryGnome · 17/05/2011 15:59

sorry, dog AND baby, not dog baby obv. Dog baby actuslly sounds quite scary....

Pictish · 17/05/2011 16:00

I agree WannaBe - dogs and new babies mix fine, so long as the dog isn't psychotic.

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/05/2011 16:01

I think she sounds like a good friend to point out something you may find difficult when you have your baby. I've lived in a 3 bed house with a dog and a baby before and it was a pain in the arse tbh.

The lack of space will do your head in pretty quickly, your friend was trying to point this out to help you. You would be wise to listen to her and take on board what she is saying.

I'm not saying to get rid of the dog but do consider where you are going to put all the crap that babies come with.

Also, will there be a room where the dog cannot access, so that you can put your baby down on a floor that is hair free, and you can leave your baby while you pop to loo and the dog can't get to him/her.

stickytoffeepud · 17/05/2011 16:05

you are three months preggers

she hasnt spoken for four months

hmmmm, counting on fingers here .....

manticlimactic · 17/05/2011 16:09

So what if she goes out 6 days a week and gets slaughtered. that's what I was doing when I was 21. Big deal. You may not choose to do that - but she does. get over it. Learn to say no if she text again three sheets to the wind for a lift - or ignore if you are going to get all judgy

capricorn76 · 17/05/2011 16:15

I have two miniature dogs and I got many comments from people like your friend OP when I was pregnant and they really pissed me off because I believe they implied that I was stupid or potentially neglectful. I know my dogs and they would not hurt a fly. Nevertheless I am aware they are pack animals so made sure I properly introduced them to my baby and that I'm always around when they are in the room with her.

They sometimes sniff her and she likes to put her hand near their mouths so they can lick her hand (I carry around wipes to clean her afterwards but I don't stop her). She loves them and they are quite protective of her. At 19ish weeks she's already way bigger than one of them and catching up with the other one. She loves to sit and stare at them playing, she even babbles to them and they like to lie next to her on the couch.

I don't understand why someone would think you should automatically get rid of a member of your family because a newer member is on its way.

TimeWasting · 17/05/2011 16:22

If your dog is that easily insulted it may be prone to jealousy too.

Vallhala · 17/05/2011 16:26

I'M PMSL at YOU, Pictish, for believing that everyone thinks as you do.

LTWYL, this "friend" would be rewarded with a message telling her not to contact me agaiin if I were in your shoes.

Extreme? Maybe, but then I am an extremist.

Justified? Oh yes!

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 17/05/2011 16:28

"just because they are a different species doesn't make them any different" rofl

I nominate this for quote of the week

Pictish · 17/05/2011 16:31

Eh?

TimeWasting · 17/05/2011 16:33

Some people do love dogs as much as their children Pictish, apparently.

Ciske · 17/05/2011 16:35

We have cats and when I was pregnant, friends used to enquire about how that would work with a baby. It's a very reasonable question, it just shows interest in the pregnancy and how it affects your life. Of course if you're looking for ill intentions, you will find them even if people just say 'good morning' to you. ("AIBU to think my friend was rude to wish me a good morning when she knew I might have morning sickness" ) .

My PiL had to give up their dog when they had their first child because it didn't cope very well with baby and friends of us had to give up their cats. No matter how great a parent/pet owner you are, you can't change the nature of your pets and some just don't cope well with babies.

Sorry, but I'm going to agree with the poster that told you to get a grip.

SenoritaViva · 17/05/2011 16:39

I think a lot of this comes down to the fact that you are both 20 and you have chosen a settled life having met your other half young and start a family young. Nothing wrong with that. Your friend has decided to stay at home, spend half her time rat arsed and messing about. Ok, it isn't the grown up life you are leading with dog etc. but it is how plenty of 20 year olds live. You are now at totally different stages in life and you'll probably drift a part for a while. It often happens - you won't be interested in her big drinking nights and parties and she won't be interested in your nappies and dog walking.

Maybe she heard of someone who wanted a dog and was trying to help you out of a problem. She probably doesn't 'get babies' yet so I wouldn't be too offended by her opinions. Yes, she didn't do it in the ideal way but nevertheless I don't think it's worth falling out over, it would seem quite petty to me.

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