To be feeling really sad that my DSs have not been invited to this wedding?

[TotallyUtterlyDesperate]

My wider family seem to be growing further & further apart. My DH & DSs have not seen my sister's family for 5 years (issues on her part, not ours). Now my niece is getting married and my sister told me yesterday that none of the cousins are invited - she says for reasons of space and cost. Now, my sister's family are totally loaded - we are the poor relations, although I do try hard not to be jealous of that (don't always succeed). So, I am surprised that they can't afford for family to come along. Why not have a cheaper venue and have lots of people? We did that at our wedding - many years ago.

I just feel sad that our family seems to be falling apart - my sons hardly know some of their relatives for all kinds of reasons!

Can you try and organise some sort of get together yourself, a summer seaside trip/BBQ or something, rather than depend on family weddings/funerals.
(Easy for me to say - I have cousins I only seem to see at weddings/funerals myself).

It's their wedding - it's up to them.
If you want the cousins to have a relationship, have you invited them over to you?

How sad. As you say, it probably isn't really due to cost. Most people can afford to include the people they really want to invite, even if that means a smaller, more low key wedding than they'd originally intended

Perhaps leave your sister out of it and contact your niece another time after the wedding to arrange to see her. You'd need to tread carefully so it doesn't seem like you're picking a fight about not being invited. I'd do it along the lines of "Of course you would choose the people you know better, no problem at all, we just thought it would be nice to see you and wish you well. Anyway, let's have a look at those pictures, oh don't you look beautiful" etc

If it's important to you to get together why are you waiting until somebody else has a wedding then feeling upset that your kids aren't invited? if it's so important ring them up and arrange something where one party won't have to fund the whole thing!

It's the couples wedding, not yours. Perhaps they would rather spend the money on their new life together than for food and drink for family they haven't seen in 5 years and who will have no idea who they are?

Sorry but these no kids at weddings threads drive me loopy!

Maybe they love the venue they've chosen and don't want a cheaper one. Maybe they don't want kids there. If your DC haven't seen them in five years they probably don't think you're that close.

If you want to see them then arrange something.

I see posts like this quite often, but I don't know anyone who invites children to weddings, have never been to a wedding where children were invited, and have never known anyone to be offended at their children not being invited. In my family, DHs family, all my friends families, and my wider family, the rule is generally parents, siblings and their spouses, aunts, uncles and friends of the bride and groom. It would be extremely rare to get invited to a cousin's wedding. Is that not the norm?

Oh god get a grip.
This subject riles the hell out of me

Their wedding, their choice. Weddings are not about having a family reunion - they are about celebrating the marriage of a couple you are close to. Your dcs are not close to their cousins if they haven't seen them in 5 years and their wedding is not about getting the family back together.

If you want your dcs to have a reationship with your extended family then sort out a family get together yourself

Why not have a cheaper venue and have lots of people? We did that at our wedding - many years ago

Maybe because it's THEIR wedding day and not YOURS! Feck me sideways- guestzilla or what?

It doesn't matter what the reason is that your niece doesn't want her cousins at her wedding, the fact is she doesn't and it's her wedding. TBH I wouldn't want to use an invite on a cousin I'd not seen for 5 years either if I was keeping the numbers low. Just because she may have the money to invite more people it doesn't mean she should want a bigger wedding if she'd rather not.

If you're concerned about your family drifting apart and would like to change this then arrange a family get-together for a few weeks after the wedding.

If it's important to you to get your family closer again, try and make it look like you are enjoying the day even without your DCs.

Sorry, it's hard to explain everything here. My sons aren't children, but 18 and 21 - we used to get together with our wider families a lot when they were small, but more recently something has gone wrong - I just don't know what!

I can't arrange anything with my sister's family as she has cut us all off for the last few years. Has only agreed to see me very rarely and has not seen my DH or DSs for years. It is not our fault that this has happened - I have tried and tried to get together with them, but something has happened which they won't explain to me. All of the nieces and cousins are grown up and scattered across the country and we are all too far apart to visit easily. From other threads, you might realise that my DH and DS1 are disabled and I am also chronically ill - so visits are very hard. I just feel so sad that our family ties seem to be weakening as we all get older - we were all so close only a few years ago :(

Wow! Quite a lot of nasty comments there - makes me even more sad. Sorry for starting this thread, I didn't realise it would attract comments like this.

Oh god here we go again- big ass dose of reality and its 'waaahh nasty comments/bullying' etc. Yawn.

I do feel for you, as I have found my family drifting apart as we get older too, and its hard. I'm one of five siblings - some of whom have cut each other out of their lives, and only myself and one sister are in contact with each of our other siblings, the other three for various reasons take nothing to do with each other.

you have explained things more clearly in your last post, but from that post it sounds like the wedding is not really the issue at all, its the overall relationship.

I don't think many cousins keep involved in each others lives as adults if they're not local.

Maybe it's my age! When I was young, I couldn't wait to leave home and get away from family ties. Now, as I get older, I feel more and more sad about us all drifting apart. It's not just my side of the family, but also DHs side too. Maybe it has something to do with our problems with disability - no-one has ever wanted to help, except my Mum. And, no, I have never ever put any pressure on them to do so. Yes, it is wider than the wedding issue - I just saw it as a wonderful chance to see all the people I love together.

If your niece is old enough to get married, she's old enough to have a relationship with you independent of your sister.

I love all my cousins and I'd be upset if I wasn't invited to a family wedding, but 5 years is quite a long time.

I think you need to take this into your own hands, but in a positive friendly way, not so it sounds like you're complaining about not going to the wedding

How big a wedding would I have to be having to want to invite relatives who I hadn't seen for 5 years? The answer is bloody big.

If last time she saw them they were 13 and 16 and that was 5 years ago then essentially they are adults who she doesn't know.

Ok, I get it - I'm being U! Calming down a bit now. Actually, they all talk to each other via FB and they have all friended me on there too, which is nice for this ancient aunty :) It's the only way I can have a relationship with them!

It's not "Drifting apart" OP it's the next generation.

They move on and make their own families. It's a natural progression, no a sleight to you. When you kids (and their cousins) have kids, do you expect the same family gathering? With all their partners too? It's just how familes work

Go and enjoy the wedding (we're allowed to enjoy ourselves without our kids right?) and, if you want to mend things, organise a do this summer (picnic in the park? BBQ? Whatever)

My lovely sister arranges a Sunday lunch for all the cousins on my mom's side once a year and it works great.

That's nice, they are choosing to interact and have as much relationship as they want.

Are your DSs even bothered about the wedding?

havent read all but think its sad when children are excluded from weddings etc,this happened at my cousins wedding,when she had young kids hers were always at all family parties etc,when hers became adults she excluded all youngsters from any function she held (shed of gone mad if hers had been excluded as youngsters)

personally prefer kids at gathering,they break the boredom

TrillianAstra No they are not! Just me, their silly Mum, trying to bring her family back together. I wish we could organise something - but I know that they wouldn't come. I have asked, but have been put off again.

Actually I know what you mean about family growing apart. At my wedding the only family I had was my mom and dad and my brother. I didnt invite my nieces or nephews as I didnt want small children there. I Also wouldn't know most of my aunts and uncles now, let alone cousins. Most of them have never met my children (22 and 25). It's just how it is. I don't get upset about it but enjoy the family I do have.

Go to the wedding and see if you can start a new relationship with your grown up niece.

Some of you are being way harsh to the OP - reading between the lines this doesn't seem to be one of those "why aren't my kids invited to the wedding?" whinges, it sounds more like a lament about families drifting apart, and how sad it is.

OP - it happens - there's no law that says you have to be close to those you are related to. Enjoy the family and friends you have around you and don't fret about the ones who have drifted away.