To be feeling really sad that my DSs have not been invited to this wedding?

[TotallyUtterlyDesperate]

My wider family seem to be growing further & further apart. My DH & DSs have not seen my sister's family for 5 years (issues on her part, not ours). Now my niece is getting married and my sister told me yesterday that none of the cousins are invited - she says for reasons of space and cost. Now, my sister's family are totally loaded - we are the poor relations, although I do try hard not to be jealous of that (don't always succeed). So, I am surprised that they can't afford for family to come along. Why not have a cheaper venue and have lots of people? We did that at our wedding - many years ago.

I just feel sad that our family seems to be falling apart - my sons hardly know some of their relatives for all kinds of reasons!

It is a natural progression, OP. My DP is part of an enormous family - he is one of 14 grandchildren and there are now 7 great-grandchildren. The whole family get together at least twice a year, but DP and his cousins recognise that when their grandparents pass on, this is unlikely to continue as people will then start breaking down into their own family groups - 2nd and 3rd cousins just don't tend to stay as close en masse. People stay in contact with those relatives who they are closest to.

I have quite a large number of 2nd cousins - I only see one of them and her parents with any sort of regularity. I also only see one of my first cousins - no falling out with the others, just no really close ties.

I do see where you're coming from but you should also remember that this is a couple who are getting married, not just your niece.

If you haven't seen your niece for five years then do you know her future husband at all? Perhaps his family is very big. Also whatever the state of your sister's finances, the couple might be paying fro their own wedding. When we were planning the one rule we made was that neither of us should have to be introduced to someone we'd never met before on our wedding day. Perhaps they applied a similar rule?

I think if i were you i'd send a lovely engagement card with a nice neutral message about how lovely it would be to have a meet up after all the fuss of the wedding has died down.

Thanks for the recent messages - very kind. I think I am also worried that my sister and I will just drift apart when my mother eventually goes. I always wanted our children to know each other, but that isn't happening, as they all leave home and go to uni etc. We have no friends or family where we live - it has proved impossible to make friends here, in our difficult circumstances. Maybe I am just looking back with nostalgia to better times. DH and I will certainly go to the wedding and have a great time!

I can see where you're coming from. I have a cousin getting married soon, and myself and sibling are the only of her cousins invited, even though she is much closer in age to the other cousins and they grew up together. It is a little sad but at the same time you have to cut off your guest list somewhere. You will always end up only inviting some colleagues, some neighbours, some family, some school friends, etc. It's never really possible to invite everyone. There are probably school friends who are thinking what a shame it is that X hasn't been invited as it's been so long since they were altogether and they seem to be drifting apart. A wedding is a celebration of marriage, not an excuse to avoid arranging reunions.

I see what you're saying....but when all is said and done, it's their wedding and your wishes have no bearing on it. Sorry.

can I give a different perspective?

Dh has a cousin who I have met only once - at our wedding, and that was twelve years ago. Dh hasn't seen or spoken to her since then either.

She is getting married this summer and we have been invited to the wedding - I suspect to purely make up the numbers as they have a very small family on her side.

and my first reaction to that is, what the hell for? We don't have a relationship with this cousin, or her parents (the aunt/uncle), we have never met her future husband, who I believe she has been with for several years, the only other people we will know at this wedding are ILs and sil/bil, and yet we are expected to travel nearly 300 miles and spend money on a hotel/outfits/present in the name of family? madness.