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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dump him?

43 replies

ruledbyheart · 16/05/2011 19:53

Regular but name-changed as people in RL know my previous nickname but not that I'm dating.
I have been seeing this bloke for about 6 weeks after splitting with my ex husband early this year and I really do like him but I don't really know if the relationship is based on just sex.
He is a really nice guy, says all the right words and is very sweet but he is very busy with work during the week so only comes over after 8.30pm and on weekends he comes over around the same time but leaves before my DC's get up.
He never wants to go anyway and is quite happy watching a film cuddled up on the sofa but we never get to the end of the film as he is always too tired, yet as soon as we go upstairs he is awake and ready for action.
If we go anywhere I always pay for myself (which ok is my choice) but if I order in a takeaway I end up paying for the whole thing, I have cooked him dinner, given him a massage but its all very onesided.
Writing down this I see that actually I should just dump him, but I don't know if I'm BU as he may just be shy and wants to take his time with these things.
So MN jury to dump or not to dump?

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 16/05/2011 19:59

It's your decision, not that of MN.

BeerTricksPotter · 16/05/2011 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMePeanut · 16/05/2011 20:02

What chocchipp said. But I think you've already made your mind up. You're just waiting for the nudge from us

Happymm · 16/05/2011 20:03

Talk to him?Confused

Or just dump!:o

schobe · 16/05/2011 20:03

I vote dump. He should be offering cash for half the takeaways.

Hate the 'I'm tired' but then up for sex. Have you said you'd quite like to watch the end of the film or are you too obliging?

Did he not give you a massage in return, or at least offer?

AgentZigzag · 16/05/2011 20:04

The OP's just asking for opinions, not for us to dump him for her belle.

Could you not just take the relationship for what it is and not too seriously?

Try not to have too many expectations of it or try to measure whether everything's as it should be.

Six weeks isn't long, and if your marriage broke up earlier this year it's early days.

CareyFakes · 16/05/2011 20:05

Dump, find one that can be arsed to do more than just sit on the sofa, fall asleep or fuck. I know that's asking alot from a man, but apparently there are some out there that like doing other things...

celadon · 16/05/2011 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 16/05/2011 20:07

he sounds a complete bore, tbh

is he fantastic when he finally gets going in the sack, or summat ?

stop bank rolling him and see if he sidles away completely, if you don't want to dump him straight away

alernatively, dump and tell him exactly why

stingy sod...barrel of laughs he ain't

Pictish · 16/05/2011 20:07

What carey said.

At such an early stage in the relationship I'd be expecting to see some effort. Does not bode well for future.

Ditch.

anotheracademic · 16/05/2011 20:09

Does sound a little booty call, sorry

Icelollycraving · 16/05/2011 20:09

It's quite comfy already,depends if you like that or not. Paying? Er no,does he squeak when he walks?!
If this is yr first relationship,wouldn't it be nice to be wined & dined & get glammed up for your nights out?

AnyFucker · 16/05/2011 20:09

sounds like a lazy bugger too

Watertight · 16/05/2011 20:11

Excellent post CareyFakesGrin

ruledbyheart I think you know you deserve better

northernrock · 16/05/2011 20:15

wheee!

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 16/05/2011 20:16

That is a problem as he is great in bed Grin
I suppose I should man up and talk to him but I'm not good at putting my thoughts into words, if not I think I'll just dump him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/05/2011 20:18

I guess he could be great in bed, since he doesn't use any energy for anything else

not even putting his hand in his pocket !

don't be used

there are other blokes that are great in bed, that have a bit more spark out of the sack

JumpOnIt · 16/05/2011 20:19

If you think you might want more than a booty call, then DUMP!!!

If you are not long out of one relationship that you weren't happy with, don't settle for a bloke you've been seeing for six weeks. If there is a big redeeming feature we're not aware of, then fair enough! But going on your original post, dump.

Grin tone successfully lowered

CareyFakes · 16/05/2011 20:19

My new fella (and I mean brand spanking new) is a fucking animal in the sack BUT he's also an intellectual who wants to take me out and do, like, arty stuff and look at buildings whilst I'd happily stay in bed fucking all day

cannydoit · 16/05/2011 20:22

you have come out of a marriage/long term thing you want fun and spoiling not take aways and films. i say that if its like this after 6 weeks it can only go down hill from here. not saying you should necessarily dump him but if you feel you already need to 'talk' about stuff that cant be good should be just having lots of fun in all ways not just sex.

SnuffleTurtle153 · 16/05/2011 20:24

'do arty stuff and look at buildings' Grin

I'd definitely rather have the fuck carey!

FabbyChic · 16/05/2011 20:27

I do think he should be paying if not all the time, but take it in turns to pay for the takeaway. To not do so is tight, and that would be a sign for me of how things would be should you carry on seeing him.

A lot of men really hate women paying, and whilst they would take a token drink would not expect you to meet half the costs of a night out.

I think financially he could be a tight wad, that would be a definate fuck off for me Im afraid.

CareyFakes · 16/05/2011 20:28

I'm hoping my womanly ways rampant libido will distract him from doing the 'boring stuff'

KittySpencer · 16/05/2011 20:29

I'm not sure what you're getting out of this? Frankly I can't imagine anything worse than some bloke lolling around on my sofa. He sounds far too comfortable for someone who's only been with you a few weeks. This should be the time when he's trying to impress you. Unless this is enough for you I would bin him off as I suspect he will only make less effort as time passes!

troisgarcons · 16/05/2011 21:16

Lets be honest here. He isnt a BF is he?

He's some bloke who comes round when your kids are in bed..... and sneaks off before they get up.

Have some self respect ... no bloke buys the cow when he's getting the milk for free.

I'm sure he's lovely, ah yes! and uses working hours as an excuse not to have proper dates - but he doesnt take you out in public does he? And you are so grateful for the megre bit of attention he throws your way - you pay for his takeaways.

now this might be novel - but cook a meal, sling the remote under cushion and call him a cab if he looks like falling asleep.