To find this a bit upsetting

[anotheracademic]

Every time I eat at the table with my husband, he just gets up and leaves when he is finished. I have usually served his first so im a bit behind and then end up basically eating my meal alone at the table.
Its rather rude I think. I have mentioned it and he always has some lame exvcuse - tired and want to lie down, stuff to do, something on telly etc...

Very rude - my DH tries to do this sometimes when he is very tired but I do not tolerate it. We have a rule that no-one leaves till the last person is finished, and then they ask to be excused.
Saying that, it has happened that DH has left me alone with the kids and all the washing and clearing up to do!! -

stop acting like the cook and maid by serving him before you then

better still, he can make his own soup and sandwich and eat it at a convenient time by himself if he insists

soup and sandwich isn't cooking

Nooo, you have to talk during meals! If you don't do it with children how do they learn to do it when they're adults?

I would stop serving him any food at all in that case. Why bother serving up food if he's just going to leave you on your own anyway? Just make your own, eat on your own, and if he protests just say "Oh you never want to eat with me anyway so I thought I wouldn't bother any more."

Ahem. I am obviously over-invested in this.

Sometimes when the kids are eating their breakfast, I might go upstairs to have a shower / a poo

I can hear DD2 shouting me urgently from downstairs so I get out of the shower / off the loo so I can hear her and she is shouting "PLEASE MAY I GET DOWN FROM THE TAY-BULL?!" :o

Now I have to say "I'm going upstairs, you may get down when you're finished!"

Clearly I'm a dragon :o

I might just give him his lunch, get mine and walk away with it to eat it in another room (to be fair he has just come in from being at work since early morinng)

YANBU
We all wait till we're all sitting down until we start eating. If anyone has seconds we still wait for them. Same with pudding. Then ask to get down and take your crockery, cutlery etc with you, and put them in dishwasher. Just basic manners. It is also a bad example to kids to just get up and leave like that.

OP does he also leave you to tidy up dinner.

asinine he did take his bowl/plate to the sink when he finished

If you do all the cooking maybe he doesn't really realize it's an effort? I always thought part of good table manners is meant to be out of politeness to the cook, a way of showing you appreciate what they've done. I reckon that goes (even if it is soup and sandwiches ... not to disagree with AF but lovely homemade soup certainly is cooking! ).

I think you need to make it clear it's actually an issue - maybe he thinks it isn't a general problem if you only bring it up at the time? He might be thinking what you object to is the specific thing he wants to go off and do.

Could be worse, then

haha, LRD, Op could cook the lovely homemade soup and then let him serve himself, instead of being treated like some sort of hired help not afforded the respect of eating a companiable meal with...

While agreeing with everything people are saying about supper and table manners in general, I do think lunchtime can be a different deal. Maybe he'd rather just get his own. Are you at home waiting for him to get in and give you some company? I know I rather like solo lunches in the middle of a working day.

She could. Or even teach him to cook it ...

Hmm. Depends what he gets up and does.

My DP is the fastest eater I've ever known. But he never LOOKS as if he's shovelling it down. So he always finishes first. However, he gets up and starts washing up, so I don't mind too much. If I asked him to stay seated until we'd all finished, he would.

viola I am a working mum and out of the house 3 days a week at work. No waiting. Its hit and miss if he is in for lunch on the days Im at home.

I think it would be equally rude to make soup, serve myself and sit down whilst gesturing to the pan with a "serve your own" wouldnt it?

I must be rude then

or is it just that I think my husband is perfectly capable of serving himself ?

Does he know this upsets you? If so, then YANBU. If not, YABU and why haven't you told him?

You could get him to serve both of you? If I'm cooking I often call DH to dish up while I wash my hands.

(See, I'm well practical at this gender-relations stuff, me.)

I wasn't having a go at you (am also an academic ), and have already agreed that his behaviour is very very rude. I was just wondering if you had different lunching styles. I would also always serve someone else as a matter of courtesy. I guess a middle way might be just to ask "do you want to have some of this soup with me, or will you sort yourself out?".

In today's instance, he has been working since 3 am and arrived home to ask me if I minded making him some lunch. Which I didnt. Putting the bowl on the table was no hardship for me.
Still would have liked him to sit with me though.

My DH does this and it's really rude and annoying.

I tell him and he sometimes comes back and sits down if he's in a good ood but other times, he just says I'm nagging and that he has jobs to do.

I find it really sad that so many traditions and normal family behaviour (well, what I was bought up to behave like) are diappearing.

DH will go and start loading the dishwasher or picking bits of the floor etc. He doesn't generally just leave and go and watch tv/lounge about; it's always to carry on doing jobs. He says it's because he weekend commutes so doesn't want to waste time just sitting at the tea table.

Doesn't stop him 'just sitting' waatching the grnad prix all afternoon though .

If he asked you to make him lunch, he definitely needs to be jogged into behaving better about it. Is he maybe just a bit oblivious? My ex was like that. Utterly lovely man, but in a world of his own where he just somehow didn't observe what other people were doing for him unless they specifically told him.

I might eat his last easter egg in revenge.

Alone.