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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit offended....

46 replies

DontCallMePeanut · 16/05/2011 00:48

Soooo, been chatting to this guy on a dating site, and the fact I'm studying and a single mum came up. When he said

it's great that you are studying and trying to get a career while you have a child

Do men really expect single mothers to be SAHM's? Or assume that a single mother is more commendable if she's focusing on a degree? Just seems a bit of aa dated view...

Should I just get back in the kitchen and make him a sandwich? Grin

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 16/05/2011 00:52

He's hardly likely to insult your life choices though, is he, if he's flirting with you on the internet? :)

Original poster
DontCallMePeanut · 16/05/2011 00:53

Nope, just the way it came across... Just a bit... Hmm

OP posts:
Grabaspoon · 16/05/2011 00:55

I think he's saying that he admires that you are striving to study/get a career when you have the "hassles" of having a child. I would say the same to a friend in the same circumstances.

numbskull · 16/05/2011 00:56

A lot of single parents do any old job that fits in with school hours, rather than studying for a professional career. So it's a compliment, of sorts, on your choices and abilities.

Original poster
DontCallMePeanut · 16/05/2011 00:57

I dunno, I justr gett edgy when people bring DS up as a potential limitation

OP posts:
Cloudydays · 16/05/2011 00:59

He was obviously being nice. What's wrong with taking note of the fact that it must be a challenge, and good for you to be doing it anyway?

I think you're looking for an insult where there is none.

MrsTittleMouse · 16/05/2011 01:01

I can understand that it's a bit of a sore point. To be honest though, my DCs are a limitation on my career at the moment, even though I love them to bits and am parenting with a DH as well.

I am impressed with a family member who is studying with small children, and I'm impressed that you are too.

FreudianSlipper · 16/05/2011 01:12

i would take it as a compliment. i am in the same position as you and this is often said to me and i always take it as a compliment

Original poster
DontCallMePeanut · 16/05/2011 01:15

Maybe it's just me being oversensitive where DS is concerned... TY. Grin

OP posts:
yummybutterbiscuit · 16/05/2011 01:38

well its easier to be at uni without a child than it is with a child. My OH's cousin is always having problems with having to take her 3 year old to lectures with her when her childminder got sick, having to miss classes at a certain time because she has no childcare, and cannot find the same time as other students to study at home.

its not impossible, but its a harder situation, and he was commending you for going through a harder situation, but getting through it!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 16/05/2011 01:49

It's known as 'flattery' and it's usually a prelude to trying to get in your knickers.

Of course, he could be Mr Sincere and genuinely admires your drive and ambition but, nevertheless, you're best advised to only offer him a sandwich if you're up for a threesome.

Original poster
DontCallMePeanut · 16/05/2011 01:56

Grin Izzy, ty for the laugh with the sandwich comment...

OP posts:
sausagesandmarmelade · 16/05/2011 06:38

I wouldn't read too much into it...he's paying you a compliment!

Probably knows how difficult it is being a mother..and thinks it's amazing that you are studying as well.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 16/05/2011 06:59

A man who knows how difficult it is being a mother'sausages?

If this paragon exists there'll be a stampede to snap him up even if he's one of Bupcakes' nobby bawbags.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 16/05/2011 07:01

remembers to click link for sausages

iscream · 16/05/2011 07:07

He is impressed with your abilities. It is hard to raise a child and study. I have a lot of admiration for all the single parents who work and study and raise a kid, all on their own. I remember my mom studying at night after we went to bed. If you find it a breeze, then the compliment is very well deserved. :)

Bunbaker · 16/05/2011 07:07

I think you are too easily offended. I also think it is very hard trying to study with a child in tow and would agree with his sentiments.

cannydoit · 16/05/2011 08:32

i wouldn't take it the wrong way love, he likes you and is obviously just trying to find ways to compliment which dont 'involve nice pic are they real'.
take it how its meant, well done for using your brain for something other than kid, which less face can be a struggle at times. i am in my last year of my degree and did feel like jacking it in from time to time, i dont think he is saying he expected you to be scrubbing the toilet or anything. think you might be being a tiny bit ur.

fluffles · 16/05/2011 08:37

so are you saying it's actually a piece of cake to study and be a single mum?

because I think it sounds quite hard and that people who do it are to be admired... not sure i could.

i think you're being a bit odd with this poor guy..

BelfastBloke · 16/05/2011 09:10

"I justr gett edgy when people bring DS up as a potential limitation"

Children are a limitation on your concentration and your time available to study. Why would you get edgy about that fact?

PoppaRob · 16/05/2011 09:53

He was paying you a compliment. You have a brain and you have a kid... for most of us that ticks two positive boxes.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 16/05/2011 09:55

Crikey, I don't think it's a compliment! What's with 'trying' in that sentence? Surely if he really wanted to flatter not patronize he'd say it's great you are getting a degree?

Cat98 · 16/05/2011 09:56

I wouldn't pick it apart and try and read something into his perhaps clumsy compliment that may not be there. But by all means be on your look out for any signs of blatant sexism - I honestly think it sounds as though he's just being nice though!

Meow75 · 16/05/2011 10:00

Oh, goodness, give the guy a break LRD. He tries to say something nice and it gets pulled to pieces here, suggestions that he is being disingenuous.

OP, stop chatting with him if you wish, but not purely on the basis of that attempt to pay a compliment that seems to have one word too many for the feminists!!

CurrySpice · 16/05/2011 10:02

I think you may be a tiny bit touchy! :o