To be a bit offended....

[DontCallMePeanut]

Soooo, been chatting to this guy on a dating site, and the fact I'm studying and a single mum came up. When he said

it's great that you are studying and trying to get a career while you have a child

Do men really expect single mothers to be SAHM's? Or assume that a single mother is more commendable if she's focusing on a degree? Just seems a bit of aa dated view...

Should I just get back in the kitchen and make him a sandwich?

Well, we can't hear tone on the net ... I could be wrong and he could have said it really nicely, but the OP obviously didn't feel quite comfortable.

I agree you probably need to talk to him more before you know if it was a compliment or a bit of a patronizing thing to say - could be either.

He sounds nice. Hopefully he'll realise sooner rather than later that you're too much like hard work, and he'll move on and find a nice girl who doesn't imagine insults in well-meant remarks.

It's a compliment!
My friends regularly tell me that it was a huge achievement for me to have gotten my degree with a baby and little support.
It is hard work,it probably would be easier to be a sahm but you have a bigger goal.
Well done you,for uni and dc and getting out there on dating sites :o

Paranoid or what! Remove the enormous chip from your shoulder and give the guy a break! It is very hard to study when you have a child and that's a fact!

Maybe the word 'trying' was misplaced - but overall I think it was meant as a compliment, and if you carry on chatting you will no doubt find out more about him, his attitude and whether you were being over-sensitive, or your immediate impression about him was correct...

FWIW, I'd comment in a positive way about anyone studying for a degree (I got an equivalent qualification but on day release over some years) since so many people didn't go on to further education when I was younger, and it must be a harder challenge when you have not just "number 1" to consider... some students are hopeless about getting themselves organised without having to consider childcare and making more careful plans when even a short shopping trip isn't just a "nip out to the shops" once you have a l.o. to take with you...

I don't get this at all, isn't he paying you a compliment here ?

YABVU! He was trying to be nice FFS! He probably meant that it's great that you're doing all that even though you have a child to look after on your own, ie it must make it more difficult to do.

You sound a tad oversensitive

I don't see any offense in that sentence. And my children have definitely set limitations on my life. I don't mind, but they definitely have.

Absolutely chickens!

Bloody hell Mumsnet's making me afraid to open my mouth to anyone these days if you're offended by something like that OP

Absolutely worraliberty

(off to find someone else to agree with)

God I feel sorry for the guy, he was paying you a compliment.

YABU

give the guy a break, he was being thoughtful and admiring of your life choices

Sounds like a keeper to me!

You are way too paranoid and over-sensitive

I agree that you're being over sensitive.

I got a first class degree whilst I was a single parent commuting to university in another city with a pre-schooler. And it was bloody hard work. And it was "great" that I was doing it.

He was respecting your commitment, work ethic, responsiblity, head-screwed-on-ness and all the things that are saying you sound like a keeper to him.

Get off your high horse!

OK, ty

I guess it;s partly down to the fact so many of the family were originally agaiinst me returning to uni, saying it couldn't be done with a child. Maybe I've related the comment to that in some way... I don't know...

Peanut I see where you're coming from but honestly, from an outsiders POV, you've reacted like you have a massive chip on your shoulder. Which is good because MNers have now alerted you to it so you can deal with it.

Relax and have fun - try not to over-analyse every word. He's as nervous as you...

OP - I do actually see where you're coming from. Its just a tiny bit patronising. My guess would be that he is not a chap who has ever had girlfriends with much in the way of a career before. That he simply isn't used to being in the company of women who have careers, as opposed to jobs, and is slightly surprised by it.

Ty... I'm honestlly not a complete bitch looking our for something to trip a man up on. Honest!

I think he may be a diamond that just needs a birrova polish

TY, pinot. I hope so too.

When you're done, can you come and polish my DH for me. He's still got some rough corners !!